Saturday, December 25, 2010

its a desperately important moment!

*wanie, r u still going to b the same wanie, if not better aftr this..? (u noe 'aftr this' tu refers to what..)

thanks Ulfah, for making may day =) nahh gambar gile2 kita wakt dekat sekolah.






*ok, yang ni paling tak tahan kottt. tergelak2 sampai menangis bfore nak amek gambar ni



thanks for the memories =)

Syariah Class with Azlyn

*post ini adalah dalam dwi bahasa.

Ive been wanting to write this post for a long time. kisah ini ingin saya ceritakan kepada semua yang membaca agar kita semua akan mendapat sesuatu daripada nya mudah-mudahan.

first n foremost, hey Azlyn nama awak is in the title of My post, in My blog! *tak bangge ke..? heee

ok, kisahnya bermula. pada suatu hari yang indah, saya dan Azlyn sedang duduk dengan tenang di dalam kelas, mendengar bait bait percakapan Ustazah Che Ainu yang sedang mengajar Syariah ketika itu. Kami sedang belajar ilmu kalam yang membahaskan tentang fahaman fahaman berbeza yang terdapat dalam agama Islam seperti Jabariah, Qadariah, Khawarij, Mu'tazilah..dll. mempelajarinya membuatkan kami berasa sangat kerdil tentang pengetahuan kami terhadap agama Islam itu sendiri. perasaan itu bertukar menjadi pilu pula apabila terkenangkan zaman modenisasi kini yang langsung tiada melahirkan ulama ulama agung seperti imam syafie, imam malik, dan sebagainya.

*sambil tengah melayan perasaan itu...

Azlyn yang duduk di sebelah saya tiba tiba bertanya :
"kalau ada orang bukan Islam tanya kita mcm ni : mcm mana kitorang nak masuk Islam, sedangkan Islam ni sama saje dengan agama agama lain. berpuak2. ada syiah, wahabi, sunni (ahli sunnah wal jamaah), dll, lepas tu bergaduh gaduh pulak tu. sama je dengan agama kristian ke, yahudi ke, kita nak jawab mcm mana?"

masing masing senyap memikirkan soalan itu. soalan luar syllabus tu. saya terfikir sebentar, kenapalah jakim ni tak ajar murid murid die mcm mana nak jawab killer question mcm tu. ha ha. tapi kemudian, otak masing masing memang ligat berfikir jawapan yang sesuai.

we decided to ask Ustzh Che Ainu about this. but, erm, alas, we didnt quite understand what exactly Ustazah was trying to say. *salah kami lah tu, tak faham2. bukan salah ustzh

so i went back home, and as time goes by i tend to forget the qs tat i was supposed to find out the answer. until one day.....around waktu2 spm mcm tu. i finally got the chance to ask my ustaz...

his elaboration was more accurate, but i hope i didnt misinterpret his words. i only meant to deliver some knowledge here. Bismillahirrahmanirrahim..

my ustaz said:

basicly, puak2 yang disoal oleh orang bukan islam tu, terbahagi kepd due. satu bahagian ni, ialah perbezaan fahaman berkenaan tentang Fiqh. dan satu lagi pecahan ialah, perbezaan fahaman berkenaan dengan Aqidah.

Kita lihat dari sudut Fiqh dulu, kalau dia tanya mcm mana boleh ada sampai empat mazhab, kita kena tahu di mana asalnya wujud empat mazhab ni. pada zaman selepas khulafa' arrasyidin, umat Islam semakin berpecah belah. masing masing hilang arah tuju, dan masing masing claim merekalah yang betul. even dalam cara melaksanakan ibadah pun, mereka bertelagah. ada yang kata solat kena baca Alfatihah kuat2, kalau tak kuat je, kamu ni sesat...dan sebagainya. jadi, para ulama' fuqaha' ni sebenarnya tidak ingin membiarkan umat Islam ni terus berpecah belah dan bergaduh tak tentu pasal hanya kerana perbezaan fahaman ini. jadi, mereka pun berijtihadlah mengikut pandangan mereka dan akhirnya terbentuklah satu mazhab. tapi pembentukan mazhab ni, bukan ijtihad main pakai sedap je. mestilah berdasarkan dalil dalil syara' yang teguh. sama ada dalil tafsili, qad'ie, zhannie, wadh'ie, ..menggunakan kaedah qias, hukum2 dari alquran dan assunnah, hinggalah ke dalil2 yang tidak disepakati seperti, istihsan, masalihul mursalah, syar'u min qablana..dll. jadi, konklusi di sini, setiap mazhab ni, adalah sebagai rukhsah (keringanan) kepada umat Islam untuk menyelesaikan masalah perpecahan umat Islam ketika itu. dan diyakini bahawa mazhab2 tersebut tidak sesat, kerana setiap hukum/fatwa yang dikeluarkan adalah berdasarkan kaedah kaedah yang disebutkan di atas. 4 mazhab ni bukan perpecahan, tetapi rukhsah. dan tiada perbalahan dari segi Aqidah...

kita lihat pula dari sudut perbezaan fahaman dari segi Aqidah, yang hasil daripadanya terbentuklah puak puak dan fahaman seperti Syiah, Khawarij, Wahabi, Sunni, ...dan banyaaakk lagi (Ayah pin pun masuk skali lahh), puak puak inilah sebenarnye yang menjadi masalah besar umat islam zaman sekarang ini. kerana secara amnya, pandangan Aqidah kita yang berbeza. kalau orang kafir tu tanya macam tu, kita keluarkan dulu hadith nabi:Diriwayatkan daripada Abu Hurairah ra katanya. Rasulullah saw telah bersabda: Maksudnya:- Telah berpecah umat Yahudi kepada 71 puak dan umat Nasarani seperti itu juga. Dan nanti umatku akan berpecah kepada 73 puak atau firqah. dan Rasulullah juga berpesan, di dalam umat Islam yang berpuak-puak itu, hanya satu golongan yang akan memasuki syurga. jadi, kita sendiri telah dikhabarkan oleh Rasulullah akan terjadinya perkara sedemikian maka tidak ada perkara janggalnya dengan keadaan umat Islam pada zman sekarang. kerana itu adalah tanda akhir zaman dan semakin dekatnya kita dengan hari akhirat. jika orang bukan islam itu bertanya lagi : habis tu, kita dah tahu banyak2 puak, mana satu nak ikut. kan bercelaru tu?

maka jawablah; ikutilah agama islam yang sebenar, seperti yang disampaikan oleh Rasulullah: Aku tinggalkan kamu dua perkara, yakni jika kamu mengikutinya nescaya kamu tidak akan sesat selama-lamanya, Alquran dan Assunnah. kita bandingkan perbezaan aqidah ini seperti orang yang melakukan zina. if a muslim commits adultery (zina), the society doesnt have the right to blame and say: hmpphh teruk betul Islam ni becuz Islam never taught us to commit zina. whereas wat should be punished is the person doing it, because tat person alone commits zina and ignores the rightful teachings in Islam. so if we say : teruk betul Islam ni, banyak puak-puak, lepas tu bergaduh pulak tu, then its not right. because Islam never taught us tat, its the people who claim themseleves as muslim who misinterpret the teaching in Islam and thus create the misconception to themselves. so say to tat person asking: kalau nak masuk Islam, pegang kepada janji Allah di dalam Alquran yakni : innaddina 'indallahil islam (sesungguhnya agama di sisi Tuhanmu yakni Allah hanyalah Islam) which proves everything tat Islam is the rightful way of life . and the next step is to have faith n keep believing and holding to the teachings in the Quran and Sunnah. and insya-Allah, u will always find the right path.

but one thing we need to clarify, is tat kalau syiah and sunni tu, memang definitely perbezaan Aqidah. ustaz saya bagitahu, dalam syiah sendiri terdapat 12 mazhab. dan mazhab yang almost close to sunni is called mazhab al-imamiah. kita berbeza aqidah kerana Actions are derived from Iman, and iman comes from faith, and our faith is Aqidah (what we believe in). As an example, ada sesetengah puak syiah tu, siap dapat pahala lagi kalau kutuk2 Abu Bakar dan Umar, sedangkan Rasulullah menyatakan : sahabat2ku adalah seperti bintang bintang di langit. mereka adalah benar dan tidak boleh menentang mereka. dan dalam suatu lagi hadith sprt yang disebutkan di atas, pegangan utama kita adalah Alquran dan Assunnah. maka sesiapa yang menentang hadith nabi.....(i dnt really noe wat to call it. korang faham2lah sendiri ye). jadi, perbezaan dr segi Aqidah is proven ehh?

*pesanan penaja:

based on this one question asked by my dearest friend, Azlyn, i came to realize a lot of things. kita ni umat akhir zaman, n i have to admit tat we dont noe A LOT OF THINGS ABOUT ISLAM. pelajar yang dari sekolah agama sendiri banyak tidak mengerti tentang apa itu Islam dan betapa cantiknya agama kita ini. if we want to do dakwah, and become a da'ie, when asked a question we cant simply answer with our logics. the most important things is, refer balik dekat dalil2 naqli (Quran dan Sunnah), kerana itulah sebenarnya basic to wat we believe in all along. wahai budak2 sekolah agama (termasuk saya sendiri), berapa banyak hadith kita dah hafal nak dijadikan hujjah kalau kita ditanya dan diserang dengan soalan2 macm ni oleh kafir harbi? berapa juz kita dah hafal Quran utk meneguhkan kepercayaan kita sendiri? lets pause for a while, n reflect ourselves back shall we? so, rakan2 yang sebaya dengan saya..kalau tak tahu nak buat apa sementara nak tunggu result spm, ayuh! spread ur wings and learn something beneficial for Islam. prepare urself for the next dimension of world tat we will soon land (zaman uni dan kedewasaan). and show to this world, tat Islam adalah agama yang syumul, dan hanya Islam..kekal sebagai agama di sisi Allah Azza wajalla.

p/s: thanks for asking this qs Azlyn. hope it helps u to find the answer u want, as much as i have found mine. =)

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Astaghfirullah

* sila jangan menyemakkan otak saya.

when im realy alrdy tired n mad, i really am.

sekian.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

a boy

i feel the urge to tell a story about this boy, a boy whom i met only once in my life. But left me speechless with thoughts for a while.

Yesterday, aftr going to az-zahrah hospital area for a while we went to the other row of shops there bcuz my mom had to do some asking at the workshop near ariani (its the name of a shop which sells hijab). We decided to wait my mom while taking a look at those hijab (window shopping je i guess). As we walked to the shop i saw a kid (almost my age by the looks), a boy in specific near the front door of some bank, standing while holding litle boxes of raisins (kismis doa). Well the reaction was, ths boy wld stop us n ask us to buy some raisins for some charity in somewhat place. But surprisingly, he did not even once stop us bt just stand there showing the raisins for ppl who only want to buy them for real. I was shocked tat in fact, he even step aside a bit to make room for us to walk down the path. I catched a glimpse of him, he was wearing a songkok, a dark shirt wth no papers or advertisement in hand to promote some charity. N i wonder, wat was this kid doing here??

Eventually, while going back i stopped us n went to tat kid to buy some raisins, mayb becuz we dnt hv any left in the house. Or simply becuz i felt like helping tat boy....n i prayed, oh Allah. Please bless this boy in life.

Nowadays, we see a lot of ppl asking for money for some charity or simply becuz they want to eat. I once went to klcc n a guy came to us and asked for rm5 for food, n when we say no he followed us until we entered a shop for safety. (lol, i need a muraqib for tat). But these cases made us think tat some were only frauds, n when we do give them money for instance they ask for more. N some even got violent n intended to snatch our purse (it realy happened, trust me). Then other cases, a guy wth a songkok came to our house to ask for money n when we ignored him, he started mouthing cuss words like 'bodoh betul orang orang kaya je. Alahhh mintak sikit je lah kedekut! Bangang!' this is ludicrous in fact, rasulullah told us tat he never liked ppl who asks for thing (meminta-minta), kecuali setelah berusaha. Come one ppl, there must at least something tat u cld do like tat boy rather than asking for money simply like tat.. The arab adage goes, man jadda wa jada. Mayb u ll say tat i dont noe how it feels to be in their shoes, well dnt u wana get out from ur shoes as well?

Upon seeing tat boy, i gave myself a thought. My sister once said, 'kita bukan tak nak bagi sedekah bila orang dtg dkt rumah or something, bt we dnt noe the source. Kalau nak beramal, salurkan dkt tempat yg betul..' little boy, u gave me a gud lesson today. Tat when we hv money, we shld b looking at ppl who needed more money. When we are high above, we shld b looking at those who are lower than us. When we want tobuy unnecessary things like a rm1000 jubah for instance, we shld b thinking twice. Becuz we are one ummah (bukan 1 malaysia ye), n its our duty to help out each other, either in terms of tarbiah, or money, or moral support, or even in education.

Thank u to ths boy..

Saturday, December 4, 2010

sick*

salam sejahtera.

First of all, rase mcm tah pa pe je tulis bende ni skrg. Tp nak buat mcm mana. Rase nye if i talk to my mom, she ll panick. If i talk to my sisters, they ll not b bothered tat much. If i talk to my friends, wld they understand..?

Aaaaaaah, saya sangat takut dan rasa sgt tak suka dgn spm ni. (this statement wont give me a ticket to get caught up by the police rite?). Next week chemstry n bio, boleh pulak g main2 bukak tv star world tgk 'got to dance' (astaghfirullah... Bt i adore diversity n matthew koon). Dan lepas tu boleh lepak2 dgn kakak, sbb sebenarnye takut nak hadapi perasaan gementar bile study. Bile duduk menelaah dlm bilik sorang2, bile sy menenung buku, buku menenung saya..hanya kau dan aku *yaiks!. Sy takut! (admit it wani, ur just afraid to be alone) *wah,sungguh banyak monolog dalaman dlm post kali ini.

Aaaaaah.im going insane!

Jawab spm mcm main2 jwb upsr, betul ke? Hampeehhh. Kata nak buat yang terbaik,nak berjaya. Tp bile tgk soalan rasa mcm nak muntahkan balik nasi goreng yang br makan pagi td sblm nak msk exam. Wat am i doing?!
Physics, u realy realy broke my heart more than u noe. Tat was the one science subject which the tc had full faith on me. Teringt tc mai ckp 'insyaAllah wani boleh, budak pandai, dpt A ++ lg.'

now.....nasi dah jadi debu....

Ive been sick these days, diarrohea, hot fever, slimy cold-mucus, headache, hidung tersumbat tak boleh nafas, gastrik, u name it. I noe Allah noes best.. Tapi, deep inside it hurts much more. Much much more. Wat am i surrounded by? (immitating hodgins in bones) : disapointment, dispair, sadness, dirt.. *dirt tu takde kena mengena.

Ya Allah. Saya berserah padaMu jua. Ni'mal maula wa ni'man nasiir.

*dah2, kena stdy dah balik!

Monday, November 29, 2010

admaths fever

*tomorrow will b spm admaths paper 1 and 2.....

Wat im feeling right now, is it fever, cold chill, butterflies in the stomach? Semua ada kot. Mak, td syariah paper agak lah merepek2. Saya rasa nak jerit je dkt dewan tu. Ni esok pulak ada kertas yang saya sangat alergi pasal marakahnye. Wani, u dnt have bala-benz petaka or addin shah to teach u rightt? Get bck to reality, theres no such ppl.
Wat i always have with me is... Allah.

Ya Allah...

Seriyes otak tak boleh fikir rational dah. Fikir mcm mana tak nak gelabah je esok. Fikir mcm mana tak nak careless. Fikir macm mana nak ingat formula n steps betul2.

Saya pergi dkt buku admaths, saya cakap dengan die. 'dear admaths, saya maafkan segala kesalahan awak pada saya' (sah tak betul ckp dengan benda ghairu aqil). Buku admths seakan akan memahami.

Admaths, lepas ni ape nak terjadi antara kita, biar qadha' mubram yang menetapkannye ye.

Terima kasih admths, tanpa awak hidup saya tahun ni rasa colourful je.

*nota terakhir buat admths. The end.
Bittaufiq wannajah.

Friday, November 12, 2010

r u ready?

am i ready...to start fresh, n learn things in life like ive never been taught before?
Am i ready...to leave the dark past, never looking back, n remember the tormented moments?
Am i ready...to face the future, and start a new journey?

Life..is a series of endless journey, my twin once said. Its never put to b in different chapter. Bcuz the story is always linked wth each other. The domino effect. When something hapens, it produce a series of chain reaction to other thngs in our life. Like when we perform our prayers at our best, simultaneously in islam..bit by bit other thngs will fall into its places. Mayb we ll start tutup aurat completely, we start hormat ibu bapa balik, we start belas ihsan to animals, we stop playing games or watching korean dramas or stop doing lagha things. We halt ourselves from socializing wth bad ppl. Or simply we leave our bad regular activites (going to pub, or club, or main pool etc). Its..the domino effect.

So to ask, if im ready to leave the past..i cld never do tat. Bcuz life is an endless journey. To say im ready to face the future, wat is the future anyway? Bt to always b humble n learn thngs in life like ive never been taught so, tats one thing ppl cld always continuosly do it.. Confucius once said, in life theres knowledge, and knowledge has always ben the people's right. (tapi knowledge yang baik2 ye).

The old wani wld say: life, bring it on. Im game
the wani present wld say: .................

=), Allah bless us all.

Friday, October 22, 2010

The Art of War

1. the Calculation, estimating the boundaries of illusionary happines
2.the Challenge, facing negativity in life
3. the Plan of Attack, aiming for the right and important phase of life to b happy
4.positioning, putting urself together
5. directing, telling urself to act a move
6. Illusion and reality, noe which is which!
7. Engaging the force, force of positive terminal so that we are not negative?
8. the Nine variations, i have no idea what this is
9. moving the force, gerakkan tenaga anda ke arah kebaikan
10. situational positioning, macam GPS je
11. the Nine situation, again..no idea.
12. the Feiry Attack, Attack the nest of hapiness and plough the sweetest fruit
13. the Use of intelligence, be wise if u want to start attacking.

*is this the steps towards being happy? no, the happiness is just right there. its not pursued

5 IBNU SINA

*God, i cant believe im writing this in tributes to my class, 5 Ibnu Sina.

On the first day of school this year, I got to noe tat my name was listed to enter the well-aclaimed top class, 5 Ibnu Sina. I was by far shocked, and some butterflies kicked in my belly. the Wani when she was form 1 would be delighted to enter the class wholeheartedly, but not this time. being a more matured Wani, and knowing the pros and cons, I doubt tat Ill ever get used to the serious environment in the class.

I managed to chat around with Azlyn and asked her if she wanted to sit next to me(Hah!), and surprisingly, she agreed. *Azlyn tahu tak waktu ni kita memang dah fikir nak kena reject dahh. lol. ok, from now on Ill be a gud girl. sit properly and focus in class. dont play around and always be close to books for quick revision. Tats wat was planned early in the year. AS IF.

entering the class was in fact a big blow for me. I hated the environment *sorry guys. it was too quiet to joke around or talk about korena stuff. it was too serious when u need a little laugh. once stepping a foot in the class i could sniff the air of sickening thoughts of wanting to compete with every one of the people in class. I was so used to nag around Syakirah and Hani tat I stayed silent to myself. I spoke of only touch-on-the-surface chats, keeping up a sheepish smile for everyone so no one would notice what i was really thinking.

I dont know these people in the class.

by the end of the second month it became worse when I decided to focus on debate and mtq. Azlyn used to say to me tat she rarely sees me. to me the only thing tat brought me forward is the lovely and adorable teachers of class 5 ibs. even when sometimes they scold us and push us off our limits in studies, but i always knew by heart tat all they ever wanted were to see their students excel in life.

mid-term came by, and there was this one week where i couldnt even sit the exams with my classmates. i had to go to terengganu and to some isolated camp site to train for mtq. i was devastated sometimes, to see how everyone has fall into their rightful places. every one seemed to have managed to adapt themselves with whatever the environment in the class was. and I, whom sometimes still cant remember where Suhaida and Humaira sat in class, was stil having a hard time managing my own personal time between studies and cocurriculum. I, whom sometimes stil couldnt gifure out the jokes made by Fara Sakinah, always felt deep inside..tat I am stranger.

not until recently, (yes, im the type who realizes things very late), I found tat there are too many things in that class to be cherished for. rather than keeping my real thoughts to myself. in this last month being with them, I would have to say that Im glad that I got to noe them, and Im therefore grateful that I was given the chance to be part of them.

I saw Heiqal and Syarif, laughing at some lame jokes to themselves when all the time throughout the year they have been sitting under hot, exposed-to-blazing-sun spot next to the window. I saw Shahrul, sleeping most of the time when the teachers are teaching in front. I saw Hazmi, scribbling some quick notes with his untidy writings. then I saw Hani and Aqila, doing some weird "regangan" when they felt bored (serious, memang pelik regangan tu). I saw Firdaus, focussed during addmths. I saw Afnan, our leader, going in and out of the class to make sure the school is well-organised. I saw this newcomer, Asyraf, and his admired determination to come to school everyday to study, even when he could barely walk with his crutches.

And I saw myself and Azlyn, laughing at some Peguam Negara and wanting to be the senator. laughing at every possible things to laugh. I have to admit I influenced Azlyn a lot when it comes to getting all hyped up and crazy =), but it was never a mistake to sit right next to her with all the suport she has given me (I dont noe about her. lol). Thank you.

I glanced back and I could see Syahirah and Akmal falling asleep during Syariah, Intan and Syahirah Atikah making weird noises at the back and laughing their hearts out. I saw Syaz, staying focussed when Syifa' slept soundly and cozily. Mikin, and Ama are said to have the same face and people always ask them if they were sisters. Izzati, our dedicated PKT, always running about here and there to make sure our needs are fulfilled. Hanisah and Thaiyibah and K.Asral! the laughing maniacs. lol. they made the class as colourful as it is by now with their groggy laughters. lol. Fara sakina and atikah, the one thing they cant stop talking is anime. suhaida and Humaira, tc rohani said they were very hard working people and i really respect tat. farhana, the one who promotes us to marshmallow halah and its very yummy. Ainiz, sahabat saya yang comel dan suka senyum kalau mood baik. and lastly, the four couplets, Amir Amar Ikhwan and Faris..always doing things their own way. buat presentation yang kadang2 merepek jugak. and always kena kacau dengan ustazah marzilah. "kalau nak tahu ni amir, ada janggut kambing. amar tak ada janggut kambing."

Every One in the Class, Thanks for the memories. You guys are one In a Million. I hope all of us will find success in life and become useful people for a greater and better world. and to Islam.

=)

Proud to be an Avicenn-ian

Thursday, October 14, 2010

worthless game

* insyaAllah ill only b like ths for a moment or two. InsyaAllah...

I opened ths webpage i used to visit, it was a friend of mine.
I searched for its content, but alas the webpage told me tat im uninvited.
I was left speechless, knowing tat i used to have her as a friend.
She used to call me, to sooth me down whenever i lost control.
But now its like those memories never existed. Why? Because it only happened just for the sake of other person?!
I guess she wouldnt even look back at where i stand right now, not even a glance.
I assume she has forgotten everythng as if what we had is fake.
Yes, maybe i feel dejected for the moment, maybe i feel tat ths whole thing is some kind of worthless game.
But trust me dear friend, once i step out from this tortured moments, and once i step forward to go on with life, i wont ever look back to where our friendship once stand...
Because like i said, and as u acted out, our friendship is juat a worthless game.
You were once a gud friend, thanks for the memories...
Gudbye.

after long weeks of hibernating

trial spm is officially over! Alhamdulillah!! =) so dear post, im now celebrating this glorified moment therefore, please pardon me for giving such bad words n comments.

Bila waktu trial ni, macam2 lah ragam manusia yang boleh kita tengok since day one. Ade yang memang tak kisah pun pasal buku, sbb macam dah tau je nak fail.. Ada pulak yang tenung buku sampai nak tembus muka surat tu, entah masuk entah tak. Then ada pula yang jenis rilex, buat muka mcm everythng dah baca. Anthr type, we cld see very smart ppl being very humble, even though his/her friends tanya dumb questions..but he/she stil answers them wholeheartedly.

Now, di mana yang kurang menyenangkan sekrang ni?
Pardon me kalau whoever reads ths terasa, but i doubt tat anyone reads ths bcuz not many ppl noe ths blog, which is wat shld b maintained.
The day before trial started, we were given a full-detailed speech by ustzh marzilah on how we shld behave during trial. Some of the things are:
1) sila berkumpul dan beratur 10 minit sblm masuk ke dewan. Ada orang volunteer baca doa.
2)masuk dewan dan keluar dewan hanya dari pintu utama
3) dalam dewan sblm mula sama2 membaca doa sekali lagi
4) anggap macam peperiksaan sebenar, jangan bawa pensil box atau benda2 yang tak sepatutnya dibawa
5) tiada perlakuan pelik2 berlaku spnjg trial, spt bakar mercun atau buat kacau dkt sekolah

nota kaki: jaga akhlak dan adab,walaupun benda2 kecil spt potong rambut dan berpakaian kemas. Orang di sblh anda mungking tak selesa dgn rambut panjang anda jadi akan mengganggu konsentrasi.

So it happened tat a few didnt quite heard wat ustzh was saying all along. Some of the students (i dnt wana mention the name, siapa makan cili dia terasa pedasnya) didnt even beratur dkt depan dewan n masuk lambat dlm dewan. Tak baca doa like everybdy else did... N i had assumed they were late because they did a quick rivision before they enter the hall. (if i was wrong, u cld always leave a comment). Bt think again, the rest of the students are actually disturbed by your behaviour. Some of us even thought: who gave u the right to masuk lambat? R u tat special compared to other students tat u cld simply masuk lambat? Everyone has their own fare time to study, some of us even didnt finish studying (tat includes me) but tat doesnt mean we cld start the exam late. Please take ths into consideration, because we are surely disturbed by tat. It almost felt tat u guys thought tat u r the superior ones in the school, different from others or u simply think ur elite. Then bringing pencil box into the hall when no one else does it... In life, we have rules to abide. Most importantly the rules of God. But making sure u abide the school rules, respect wat ustzh said n respect other ppl..tat also means u have a gud akhlak n therefore made u abide God's rules. Sorry if this sounds harsh. But tats wat most of us felt all the time... The ppl in the school are our friends, so lets embrace tat fact hand in hand....

With that,
the end.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Allah adalah Rabbku.

Ya Allah, ku serahkan segalanya padaMu
sekalipun hidup dan matiku,
suka dan duka ku,
krn Allah adalah Tuhanku,
dan aku hanyalah hambaNya.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Tenang

Day 2: Blonde (kucing saya), telah kini hilang selama dua hari. kami sekeluarga berasa sangat kehilangan, sbb kucing tu lah yang selalu kami intai2 dari dalam rumah melalui tingkap cermin tepi pintu. kini, kami tak boleh intai2 lagi sebab kucing tu telah hilang....

Blonde, where r u.....???? come backkkkk.

alhamdulillah, a junior made me realize that its not the end yet. losing a cat, or losing a best friend or even urself is just not the end until u r DEAD! and that junior, arifuddin also made me realize that i can never be like Nabi Ayyub (alaihissalam), sbb dugaan Nabi Ayub lagi hebat..kehilangan anak dan isterinya. so siapalah diri saya ini.... kena ingat Allah selalu =)

terima kasih daun keladi kpd sesiapa sahaja yang membantu.

now that im a bit calm, im here to share (or brainwash) a few bits of info about NEUROLOGIST to this junior. ha ha

ok, this mite be the flow i knew so far.

lepas spm, arif masuk lah DQ, if u can finish memorizing the quran in say 8 months, then maybe u still have the chance to go overseas or something (but that depends, dont get ur hopes too high). then kalau tak, as u said nak masuk UIA ehh? aaaaaaaa this part, mcm pelik je dengar (lol). so ok lah, kalau nak pergi UIA, pergilah. finish medicine for about 6 years there. hmppphh by that time u wiill be around 25. but mind u, if ur binded by government scholarship, u have to practice medicine as a doctor in a gov hospital for about 10 years. so maybe waktu tu dah 35 tahun. ha ha ha. very old! but at the same time, u cld start doing ur sub-specialization (master degree), and start picking the feild that u wanted : neurone studies.

theres quite a few ways to become a specialist to be exact. firstly is by the university u r attending, u become a lecturer at the hospital to teach other medical students in neurone studies, then after 4-5 years insya-Allah u ll get to be a specialist. then, u have another way, that is by ministry of higher education. i dont noe the procedure, but u have to go posting dekat mana-mana entah around malaysia, and they count ur experiences of handling cases. and other few i heard, is that u cld apply to go overseas under the university, and they will send u to a country thats specifically majored in that feild so u cld do some research and observe the cases there. contohnya, UK is best known for its brain studies so if u want to be a specialist in brain, u go to UK. tp kalau India, kena lah pergi India ye. ha ha.

so after getting a master degree (sub specialisation), ur now almost 40 kot. lol. (make sure u get married first!). u cld also do a pHD degree kalau gila nak belajar sangat... im not sure the name, sub-sub specialisation kot. and this may take 2-3 years of studies. and afterwards insya-Allah, bila dah beruban sikit, u will noe perfectly the studies of neurones in our body. (pretty long stories kannn??)

although if u dont want a life like me, u cld major in NEUROSURGEON. where u cld perform surgery to ppl who has neurones problems. its stated that in US, the highest salary of doctors (well, specifically surgeons) are neurosurgeons. lol.

so there u go, the journey of ur life. (macam boring je..), haha... sekian.

Its Painful

Blonde, Syaaban, Ramadhan, and Schmumu....

and now blonde is missing, its like the same thing happened last year, when I lost Tam tam...

blonde, where r u...???!!!

i lost a best friend very recently, and the cats are now my only best friends in this world. why does this also happening...?

oh Allah..............................................
its really painful...

Monday, September 6, 2010

The Last Ramadhan

These Last days of Ramadhan......

terbaca status hanisah dekat fb, mcm mana jika setiap langkah kita ke surau tu adalah langkah terakhir kita untuk pergi menunaikan solat tarawih? macam mana kalau itu kali terakhir kita berebut saf depan dengan makcik yang bukak Quran tu? macam mana kalau ini kali terakhir kita dapat rasa masakan mak kita untuk sahur dan buka puasa? macam mana kalau itu yang terakhir kita dengar imam tu baca salah tajwid lepas tu semua makcik2 tak puas hati? macam mana kalau Ramadhan ini adlh yang terakhir buat kita....??

saya tak dapat pergi malam tarawih terakhir saya...saya tak dapat tunaikan bangun malam terakhir saya... saya hanya dapat merenunng orang lain buat macam tu, sbb sy sakit (izzati lah sorang yang faham kecohnya keadaan tu masa tu), jadi saya memohon, ya Allah, janganlah matikan saya sebelum sempat saya bertemu dengan Ramadhan yang akan datang pada tahun depan.. ya Allah, saya pohon....

Allah knows best.

ya Allah, macam mana kalau itu adlh fight yang terakhir saya dengan dia...?

Sunday, September 5, 2010

a friend

i have this friend,
sometimes its hard to differentiate whether its real or just my imaginary,
cuz at most times this friend has been so real.

This friend always taught me the values of life thats hidden n cldnt be seen,
and recently this friend told me, that humans have diff view of this world, diff needs, and diff goals.
I once asked this friend,
we are so different, wth different views in the world, n everythng said above, but why do we still complement each other as
great friends?
So this friend wld say : theres a theory, that when two diff things/particles combine wth each other, they will make a better or
greater thing. WE ARE DIFFERENT, YET THE SAME..

I do not wish to have another friend to tell me ths
I do not wish to have another listener,
I do not wish to have another teacher.

Ekem evieleb

Friday, September 3, 2010

i have to let go!

they say when u hv too much unwanted energy inside u ull fel hyper, n u do all sorts of bubbly things that u wont even notice doing it. It felt nice, smiling n being happy n thinking that saya bahagia!

And i wish i cld stay that way.

Tapi.....lepas tu the unwanted energy sometimes wld convert themselves into some negative energy. It made ur head fels hot, and it made ur head spinning. And guess wat, u started 2 think weird stuffs even when sometimes u noe it never really is that way. U thought of bad things that will happen 2 u, u thought that no one is there 4 u n ur alone, and all sorts of thngs. Emotionally unstable ke ni??

N suddenly, wats funny when i had that negatve energy, tiba2 terfikir bende pelik ni:
"ade tak orang namakan orang Muhammad Faham?? LOL. And lepas tu, kalau ada, teringat nak namakan anak thaiyibah nnt muhammad faham, biar nnt sume benda dia faham. Hehehehehe

*seriyes, wani tak betul sekarang!

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Separuh Masa

Final Match of Ramadhan League : 2nd Half prediction

Salam para penonton sekalian,

Tepat jam 12 malam 16 Ramadhan #1431, bilal meniupkan wisel tanda bermulanya separuh masa kedua perlawanan akhir, Piala Juara juara Ramadhan di antara Taqwa United dan Nafsu City. Pengkritik dan Penganalisa bola sepak tanah air (ustaz ustaz) telah banyak memberikan pandangan serta komentar yang pedas tentang persembahan longlai pasukan tempatan, Taqwa United dalam separuh masa pertama perlawanan di konti konti masjid berdekatan.

Untuk makluman saudara sekalian,

Taqwa United sedang ketinggalan 3-0 oleh seteru tradisi, Nafsu City. Dua gol daripada penyerang berbisa Nafsu City iaitu Emmanuel Amarah manakala satu lagi gol daripada Carlos Umpat. Strategi 3-4-4 dengan 4 orang striker yang digunakan Nafsu City sukar dikekang barisan pemain muda Taqwa United. Barisan pertahanan team tempatan yang diketuai oleh Zikir Selawat dan pemain kelahiran Narathiwat, Wirid Harian lemas dalam asakan rangkaian serangan emas yang dibarisi Roque Shahwat Cruz, Carlos Umpat, Dengki-Ho dan Emmanuel Amarah (Pemenang Kasut Emas Liga Juara Ramadhan musim lalu dengan 30 gol setiap hari) Penganalisa berpendapat, jurulatih pasukan Taqwa United, Sir Iman DHati perlu melakukan rombakan besar besaran bukan saja dari sudut taktik malahan pemain. pemain pemain veteran yang longlai seperti Pose Kosong dan Tido Selalu perlu diganti dengan pemain muda berbakat seperti Ikhlas Sedekah atau Tadarus Quran demi memantapkan jentera tengah pasukan Taqwa United. Pemain pemain veteran kelihatan tidak bermaya dan gagal mengekang kelincahan Gareth Boros dan Stephen IkutNafsu terutama ketika waktu berbuka dan membeli belah di separuh masa pertama.

Begitu juga dengan rangkaian serangan pasukan United yang diterajui oleh Tahjud-Din dan Munajat Malam perlu dikerah untuk beraksi di segenap kotak sejadah bagi mengucar kacirkan kubu pertahanan lawan yang tidak dikawal ketat oleh Jolelon Lagho dan Kalo TidoLajak. tambahan pula, penyerang berkembar itu perlu mengelakkan diri daripada terus diselumuti kedua dua tembok besar pasukan Nafsu City itu untuk menjaringkan gol gol yang diperlukan.

Namun, penganalisa tempatan begitu optimis bahawa team Taqwa united mampu mengurang defisit tiga gol lawan dalam separuh masa kedua nanti. dengan ketiadaan jurulatih City yang digantung, Iblis dan pembantu jurulatih, Satan, pasukan Taqwa United masih mampu dan berpeluang merangkul kejuaraan kurniaan Ilahi seterusnya meraikan kemenangan di Aildilfitri.

Sewaktu wawancara bersama Sir Iman DHati, anak buahnya bersemangat mengejar bonus dan ganjaran berlipat ganda yang dikurniakan pada 10 minit terakhir permainan. mereka juga berharap tuah Lailatul Qadar menyebelahi mereka untuk mempertahankan kejuaraan yang dimenangi mereka tahun lalu. selain itu, mereka juga berharap agar ibrah Nuzul Quran dapat dijadikan tonik kemenangan dan pembakar semangat buat pasukan muda United mengejar impian mereka menjadi juara.

Oh! Kelihatan penyokong pasukan Nafsu City dan Taqwa United sudah mula memenuhi semula tempat duduk masing masing. penyokong kedua dua pasukan bersorak bersungguh sungguh demi membangkitkan semangat team masing masing. team sorak Nafsu City dengan pakaian menjolok mata dan team sorak Taqwa United dengan pakaian seorang muslim sejati juga telah berkumpul di tepi padang untuk terus menghangatkan bahang perlawanan.

Siapakah yang akan memenangi perlawanan berprestij ini? Layakkah team Taqwa United menerima imbuhan pelepasan api neraka seperti yang dijanjikan Ilahi selepas tamat perlawanan? atau kemenangan akan bertukar tangan kepada pasukan yang berbelanja besar, Nafsu City? Jika kemenangan bertukar tangan maka imbuhan kewangan yang diperolehi akan dijadikan modal oleh Iblis dan Satan untuk terus berbelanja besar pada musim hadapan mengikat pemain pemain terbaik dunia seterusnya menutup peluang pasukan lain mengejar impian akhirat.

Sama sama kita saksikan kesudahan perlawanan akhir ini.

Sekian dari saya, Hisbullah Awang untuk anda yang masih termenung di luar sana.

---

Spread the love. I got it from her school. Satu Hamba Allah kept passing a piece of paper to one another in surau. I wrote it down and I think it's never too late to share it with the whole wide world. ;)

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

The Jaafar Tale



Face Veil.

Its funny how I was introduced to it and now as I grow up I grew fond of its power as protectionism.
When I was very small, I was brought up to a clinic to see the family doctor very regularly as they were making sure that I wasnt going to get asthma at that time with that much accumulation of mucus. that was the boring part.

One day, I had to wait longer to see the doctor inside the room. I waited with my mom. I was restless because as far as I could remember, I was always the hyperactive child. My mom allowed me to run around about the clinic, jumping up and down and playing with the square tiles while my mom watched over me. until...I bumped into a lady entering the clinic wearing a black jubah, with a black long hijab (tudung labuh), and a black face veil or as we know, "purdah".

I was terrified to be exact, and I ran like a crazy child shouting " Ma!!! Ada Jaafar dekat clinic!!! ada Jaafar!! No Jaafar! ". I ran as fast as I could towards my mom, who was reading a magazine at that time. she looked at me in full wonder and told me to behave, not until she set her eyes to what I was referring to. you see, when I was little my favourite cartoon would be "Aladdin", that rite after I got back from Taski Abim Aisyah I would sit for long hours in front of the tv repeating the same cartoon. In "Aladdin", one of the villain there would a long and skinny man with long beards who wore a weird serban on top of his head, and when hes up to something bad, he would cover his face with black cloth. since my imagination was quite imaginative and creative, I thought that the lady was Jaafar who just turned alive and was coming to get me. LOL. well, on my side it was funny, but I dont noe about the lady since I was really screaming at her.... *sorry

So, that was the first time I was introduced to Purdah or Burqah.

surprisingly, 17 years later, I even wonder how to be like the lady I once thought to be Jaafar. Even when most people around me doesnt wear Purdah, and some other would call me hypocrites whenever I asked around about how is it to wear a Purdah, but something just urged me to get to know about it a litle bit more. covering ur face with a face veil for women in Islam does not fall wajib, but it is encouraged especially when u r either 1)too beautiful that u could get in between fitnah instantly or 2)u have defects on ur face that u dont wish anyone else to noe or to tease them. well, honestly i dont stand a chance to be in reason 1), and neither do i have defects that I wish to cover. but again, Islam protects beauty and makes women who covers their aurah feel empowered by themselves. covering our aurah from ajnabi is part of the feeling of being protected and being empowered, and yes for those who truly understand the significance of covering their aurah, they also feel special in a way.

and 17 years later from the Jaafar Tale, when we had iftar jamaie with my dads student (Arab) one day, and his wife was all dressed up in black to go to tarawih, I asked : maza ya Faizah? "burqah". kaifa talbasin? (how to wear it?) "hina, taala" (mari sini *she was asking me to come closer*). and she tied it up around me, and for the first time I felt A Lot Safer and Protected. doesnt matter if ppl could only see my eyes, or they cant even see it at all bcuz mata sepet, lol, but whats important is that it felt GREAT.

it goes back to my previous questions, How does it feel to wear a purdah? Do u feel protected? Do u feel safe? if a person asks u to wear it, does it mean that person wants to protect u and that he/she cares for u very much?
Well, i got lots of the answers already kan?.....

+ second phase of Ramadhan, Maghfirah Allah.

Islam is.....Beautiful.
The.End

Thursday, August 19, 2010

himne wani

debaters of 2008, under tc Maizatudariah n tc Syaz:

in memories,
Nurul Iman Al-Ameen, k.Nafeesa Ayesha, Abdullah Fakhry, n Nor Syazwani...

I truly miss the old days. Wish we could just stay as little kids, laughing tgthr without growing..

=) life, is about making it momarable together.
The.end.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Saya Marah

Hari jumaat, i came to school with the uttermost anger i had inside me. NO.ONE.KNOWS.

Ya Allah, tak pernah rasa sangat marah macam ni dalam bulan ramadhan. usually i came to school with the thought of happiness, or just sadness, or just the thought that im upset about something. but never the thought of anger.

saya sangat marah.

*tapi syaitan kena ikat bulan ramadhan ni

+ ya Allah......

+ i cried, n i cried, n keep on crying.........

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

*Blunders, gulp n Gasp...

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim...

9th August 2010; the start of the upcoming crazy and embarrassing days....

i knew something was fishy today, i was extra cranky, especially to those who didnt abide the school rules.
"lembap-lembap nye perhimpunan ni nak start...pengawas lelaki buat ape kat dalam tu?" i nagged to Kero, and yeah to stop me she told me to go upfront to start the ceremony instead.

7.25: the official assembly started and, the names of Allah were sung.
Next, tc Rashidah held up the mic and told us the guru bertugas this week, (that includes her). and yeah majlis penyampaian hadiah watsoever pun bermula...

"semua orang dipersilakan duduk..." cg Rashidah
"alaaa...perhimpunan basah lahhh, beg nak letak mane? mcm mana nak duduk ni??" grumbles from the students at the back
(dalam hati) weh tak nak duduk, jangan duduk! jadi macam kitorang ni, berdiri sebab nak jaga korang. sila, jangan malu2.*i told u i was extra cranky

n then the melo drama began, teringat pulak dekat cerita P.Ramlee dekat astro Prima kelmarin "Seniman Bujang Lapok", n one of the cool dialogues.
Direktor Ahmad Nisfu: KECIK KECIK TAK NAK MAMPUS, BESAR BESAR MENYUSAHKAN ORANG! LOL. *saya memang peminat cerita P.Ramlee....

...guru kat depan tengah bercakap....
"dan ada satu pertanding art yang dianjurkan nationally, seorang pelajar sekolah kita telah memenangi pingat gangsa.... pelajar ini telah memenangi RM30,000 bersama (barang-barang yang disebutkan)..."

WHAT?!

"...dan beliau adalah....FATIMAH ULFAH BINTI ADNAN.."

I was the loudest person to clap there around F5. she's my sister! i almost shouted at the assembly. fatimah ulfah once told me that she wished to become a great architect and yes dear, i see that coming already =) congratulations for the winning. Alhamdulillah, praise to Allah! and today, when we finally met dekat surau waktu solat zuhur berjemaah, i hugged her and told her how proud i am to hear about her success. (tapi lepas tu, nak pau RM5,000 dr ulfah..) *kidding.

the embarrassment started:
"selain itu juga, pada 5 August yang lalu, sekolah kita telah menghantar beberapa orang pelajar untuk dinobatkan sebagai pelajar terbaik selangor dalam peperiksaan awam, di bawah Jabatan Pelajaran Selangor. selepas beberapa persingan sengit, akhirnya Alhamdulillah sekolah kita telah menggondol kesemua kategori yang tercalon. pelajar-pelajar cemerlang ini adalahhh...." cikgu Rashidah still bercakap dekat depan

dekat belakang:
wani: weh, ko nampak tak budak tu bukak kancing baju die..
Ainiz: yang mane? ohh yang tu ke?
Asilah: yang mane korang cakap ni??? tunjuk lah betul
wani: yang tu lahh... asilah, ko pergi lah tegur. ni waktu perhimpunan pulak tu mana boleh sesuka hati je...*cranky sangat waktu tu
Skin: mane budak nye?

sambil-sambil tengah bercakap kat belakang; cikgu rashidah...
"...dan akhir sekali Fakaruddin sebagai pelajar terbaik STPM. ....selain itu juga, apa yang tidak disangka-sangka, seorang lagi pelajar kita telah dianugerahkan anugerah khas murid 2010, berdasarkan kriteria dengan singkatan JERI. *dalam kepala still register nama Fakaruddin je.*

beliau merupakan seorang yang mempunyai sakhsiah yang baik, berjaya mendapat 9A dalam PMR,... *dalam kepala, Fakaruddin sakhsiah baik ke? cikgu cakap pasal ape ni?*

wani: skin, cepat lah tegur budak tu!

cikgu rashidah..." dan, beliau juga merupakan johan hafazan peringkat kebangsaan... * dalam kepala, FAKARUDDIN JOHAN KEBANGSAAN PERINGKAT KEBANGSAAN?....*
..." dan beliau adalah, Nor Syazwani Chamhuri..."

because of budak yang nak tegur bukak kancing tu, jadi blurr skejap and semua orang dekat perhimpunan pandang! sebab nama dah kena sebut tapi buat tak pay attention kat belakang...itulah padahnya! and Aisyah pulak lepas tu pergi cakap balik asrama je semua orang cakap pasal "muka blurr k.wani.." (bertuah punya adik..).

dah tu, buat lawak antarabangsa lagi... terrsenyum2 macam kucing misai panjang, datang-datang depan je, boleh salam mak datin dengan cg Roszita dengan ustazah Marzilah (salam mak datin tu, salam yang cium dua belah pipi..). Hmphhhh, dah lepas ambil sijil, terfikir balik... "apa yang aku buat tadi????"

*smack! embarrassed

10th of August 2010: rasa nak makan MSG
tomorrow nak puasa, so waktu rehat makan sangat banyak,makan MSG... sambil tu borak2 dengan Raihan dan Thaiyibah... bagi motivasi, or more towars solving the problem.... lepas dah makan banyak everyone nak pergi tandas. (kami suka tandas jauh kat belakang tu... bersih)..

next period after recess: SEJARAH
jam waktu menunjukkan: 11.16 pagi

kami bergegas ke kelas selepas balik dr tandas.. masuk-masuk je buat muka bersalah. n i even forgot to bring the text book! so pinjam dekat hanisah cepat-cepat. sampai-sampai je, cikgu duduk sebelah saya, sebab Firdaus tengah buat presentation pasal dasar luar negara Malaysia..

antara dasarnya ialah, something to do with time. tiba-tiba
" betul Firdaus, kalau kelas 10.50, jangan datang pukul 11.30 kan?" cikgu Hazmini di sebelah saya bersuara.

*SMACK! malu lagi!!! tempias cikgu kena dekat saya, sampai terus insaf... minta maaf cikgu!

11th of August: today: hmppphhhh

waktu BM, pergi tanya soalan pelik waktu tengah lakonan drama "kerusi", antara kuasa dan perikemanusiaan... (hehe, sekrang ni cakap dengan cikgu Zubidah semua isu hangat dan global..)

waktu physics, dengan semangatnya nak lawan perasaan mengantuk dengan Azlyn, kami menumpukan sepenuh perhatian ke papan putih, cikgu Hassan sedang menerangkan sesuatu pasal nuclear energy...

cikgu hassan cakap.." nuclear fission ni pulakk......... saya dah ajar kan minggu lepas?"

wani dengan bangganya, sampai nak berdiri cakap kuat-kuat: cikgu, cikgu belum ajar minggu lepas! tak masuk lagi cikgu!
cikgu Hassan: ade lahhh, cikgu dah ajar. syazwani tak datang waktu tu, saya tahu..entah pergi mana entah awak masa tu *nada sinis je..

*PAP! malu lagi!!!!
Azlyn tepuk-tepuk bagi tak nak tersedak...malu je dah lah satu kelas dengar. dalam hati kecil, "cikgu...saya pergi hospital lah.." =) =) =)

next week: TRIAL PMR 2010. ulfah, Laila, Kimi, and all of my juniors.. ALL THE BEST YER, AND DONT FORGET TO PRAY...

+ saya sayang cikgu saya, walaupun kadang-kadang malu sendiri...
+ hari ni usrah, sangat rindu adik-adikku.
+ hari ni first day puasa, alhamdulillah!!!
+ ya Allah...... kuatkanlah kami menghadapi dunia ini...
+ Hanisah, kenapa awak tak datang hari ni?
+ Raihan, gudluck yer...
+ Ummi, Abah, ampunkan wani...

merepek je hari ni, sorry for all the blunders.
Im.Tired.
The.End.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Athar

Athar is word in Arabic which means "Kesan"

This week, I Thank Allah for still giving me a life in Maahad where people could still right me when Im wrong, Remind me when I forgot, or just control me with all these rule-bindings because like someone once said, "rules are not meant to be played around." (lol nak gelak).

ok, back to Athar.

Pada suatu hari yang indah, Ustaz Solahuddin berjalan memasuki kelas kami pada waktu petang untuk menghadiri kelas tambahan b.Arab. kami sekelas pada waktu itu ketakutan kerana ustaz nak buat ujian PLBS b.arab. pada masa yang sama, kami dikehendaki membuat kertas 1 B.Arab SPM tahun 2009. pada penghujung kelas tersebut, ustaz Solah seakan-akan termenung seketika, dan kemudian beliau berkata " anak-anak, segala apa yang kita lakukan di dalam dunia ini ada kesannya. tetapi kesannya kita tak akan nampak sejurus selepas itu. kebiasaannya kesannya akan datang selepas 40 hari.

"contohnya anak-anak, kita lihat je lah kat maahad ni. Arwah pengtua kita selama ni bersungguh-sungguh ajak budak-budak maahad ni solat berjemaah. sekarang ni dah 3 minggu arwah tinggalkan kita. anak-anak tunggulah hari ke 40 nanti, dan tengoklah apa terjadi pada saf-saf solat pada waktu zohor, asar dan sebagainya. sekrang ni pun kita dah tengok macam mana keadaan maahad ni sekarang... contoh yang lain anak-anak, kalau kita minum arak atau masuk ke dalam tempat-tempat maksiat, kita jangan ingat lepas tu macam tak ada apa-apa yang berlaku dekat kita. anak-anak tunggulah selepas 40 hari nanti, dan kesannya tu boleh datang dalam pelbagai bentuk. kesannya mungkin accident ke, (*nada ustz masih serious), ataupun hati makin keras nak menerima nur ke.. terpulang. tetapi yang penting, kesannya tetap ada."

tazkirah kepada diri sendiri dan rakan-rakan; setiap yang kita lakukan itu, pasti ada kesannya. jadi, fikir dahulu sebelum buat sesuatu kot.. =) tapi yang penting, selalu kena fikir dan soal "adakah perkara yang aku lakukan ini perkara yang betul dan ada nilai di sisi Islam... semoga Allah merahmati kita semua.

Trial dah nak dekat...sangat.
Ramadhan dah nak tiba... Alhamdulillah.
Bahasa post ni, Bm die mcm kelas bawah je. habis lah kalau cikgu Zubidah baca...

Allahumma Ballighna Ramadhan...
(ya Allah datangkanlah kepadaku Ramadhan...)
*sampaikan hidupku untuk menemui Ramadhan...

+ ya Allah.., =)

Monday, August 2, 2010

Happy Anniversary Ummi dan Abah.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim...

How long has it been, from when everything started. The Everlasting Contentment, my parents always have til now.

3rd of August. Happy Anniversary Ummi and Abah.

Im sorry Ummi and Abah, when this year you had to welcome this meaningful date with me having to decide whether to inject the steroid at the hospital or not. when Ummi with a tired face would always smile to me when I got back from school, nagging and ranting about school stuff. Ummi is getting paler now.... Her white strands of hair showed it all... but I, I didnt seem to notice Ummi. and I havent seem to be doing anything.
Im a lousy child, Ummi. I cant do anything without ur support, I would be hopeless and helpless without ur love. but I sometimes left u helpless when my teenage rage came in and allow the Devil to deceive my own self.

Im sorry, Ummi.
but I cant help, but to love u Ummi.
Ummi, please forgive me and bless this child to do something good and useful in this world.

Ummi, I sometimes forget. please Ummi, remind me always so I wont go astray... please Ummi. Help me live this world with Islam as my way of life. with Islam as cara hidup yang Syumul (menyeluruh)...

Ummi and Abah, please dont leave me till yet.... please... Im never gonna be ready for this cruel world. People lie to me, they smile wickedly at me, they betrayed me, they thought of bad things to do to me. only You didnt... please Allah, let them stay with me for a little while longer...

I have this one nazar yet to be paid, and insya-Allah Ill fulfil your dreams. Ill study hard, and watch u smile grateful smiles. and only to Allah, could I seek help for everything.

I love you, Ummi and Abah.
Happy Anniversary.

+jaga makan ye, n jaga diri elok elok. have faith in Allah always.
+May Allah bless you...

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Saya sayang cikgu.

Hari Rabu. Alhamdulillah kami survive again!

BI, CHEM 2, BM 2, REHAT, BIO 2, PHYS 2, B.ARAB 2,
KELAS TAMBAHAN: ADDITIONAL MATHEMATICS

Ok, addmths class tadi til 4.45 sebab saya, Thaiyibah dan Amalina masuk paling lambat. but Trig Fns was a blast! and yeah I made fun of Azlyn as well sebab I noe that its Reciprocal! ha ha ha. bukan senang nak kenakan Azlyn, especially when she's not healthy.

So yes, I seem to be having those nightmares inside this head again. I noe Hanisah and I are feeling the same way inside our heads too. Someone would say that worrying about something we shouldnt would just finding trouble to ourselves only. Its true, kan Hanisah? cuz someone also once said that "do not worry about what has happened, or what will happen. What you can Think of is How you make it Happen"
to Hanisah dan saya: I noe sometimes our heads just stop functioning because we try to think of everything at the once. I noe its no pretense. I noe its hard to keep calm afterwards. but just think of How we will make it Happen. Try and remember Allah a lot during these times, and find our Home where we would feel at peace and happy..

Verily, the help of Allah is (always) near... (al-baqarah)

So, what have i thought of today?
Hari ni teringat dekat cikgu-cikgu yang saya sangat sayangi. I remember at one time earlier this year, I was so sick of the school that I really wanted to run away. I wanted to run away from everything, my life, my home, myself... but what keeps me living the days is how when I enter the class, the smile of my teachers will always embrace me.

The grateful things for today, is when I gave out a smile to Cikgu Hassan and he smiled to me too. (ni Azlyn kalau baca mesti tergelak sebab ingat kita jiwang dengan cg Hasan)..

Physics today was very calming. even though I still didnt get it right about Radioactivity *sorry cg! we are now in the last chapter of F5, when Cg Hassan brought up this story about his late mother. He told us that when he was six, his mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. being "orang kampung" as cg Hassan prescribed with still embracing their cultural beliefs, his parents went to a witchdoctor (bomoh) first before getting the diagnose from hospital, and the witchdoctor told his parents that his mother "kena sampuk dengan jin bawah pokok". (ade ke macam tu bomoh ni!).

ok thats not the point.

but Cg Hassan told us that he was grateful, because even when he was told that his mother is now living with cancer, he could still have 3 little siblings after that. even though they had to go to ibu susuan because his mother was sick, but.. he was grateful. the love that ties up a son and a mother is always that pure, and divine. in the end, Allah loves his mother better than anyone knew. and She died.

td waktu kelas physics jadi macam menyayat hati pulak. Cg Hassan, bless us with ur knowledge please. and we pledge to Allah to give us better understanding. Ameen!

Alhamdulillah, Wednesday wars is over. Its time for a new phase of thursday tomorrow! Himne wani! (be strong).

+ Alfatihah to ibu kepada cg Hassan.

+ I have Allah. Always.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Hang Li Po

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim...

Hari ni sangat penat.... and Alhamdulillah we could still survive! ;p

BI, CHEM 2, BM 2, REHAT, BIO 2, PHYS 2, B.ARAB 2,
KELAS TAMBAHAN: CHEMISTRY.

Fuhh, macam hebat je kami semua selamat mengharungi Hari Rabu yang penuh Pancaroba ini. LOL.

yep, this morning had the same gastric but Alhamdulillah, Allah sayang juga kat saya. It was raining and it would be really nice if we had all gone back to sleep ;p. but I do noe, that when some of us may like the rain, there are also others who couldnt stand the coldness of the rain. The rain is a blessing, yet the coldness gave us a sign, to always be prepared with our umbrella for whats worst to come.

Nothing much happened today except that it was very tiring. but Alhamdulillah, the day was saved in BM double periods when Cg Zubidah decided to teach us drama Hang Li Po. and we had to say out the lines of the drama *some of the lines were pretty disgusting (tapi saya masih yakin, ini topic favourite Hanisah dan Thaiyibah ;p). the story has a lot of morals to be offered to us to be exact. and yeah at some point, i gave credits to Hang Li Po for sticking up to her husband in the end, even though she fell in love with Hang Jebat at first. (Hang Li Po ni macam kuat iman jugak lah...). the best scene would be when Shahrul and Firdaus acted out as Dang Wangi and Hang Jebat. LOL. they had the right intonation for showing how people are actually bubbly in love i guess. lol.

makan banyak waktu rehat. but the canteen's soup got a lot of MSG so waktu Bio jadi pening pening lalat sikit... cg Sai as always, was very nice and entertaining during class. and the day ended by tc Norhayati repeating the theory kahwin dengan metal in chemistry. lol.

Alhamdulillah...

+ I have Allah, and I have my parents and family... please do bless me and make me strong, insya-Allah...

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Im not you, Dont be Me

Today’s epic revolves around the question; If everyone says they are different, then who really is different?

Often we heard that in order for them to feel superior, they would say “Im different from others, don’t expect me to do the things other people would do...” in reality, it is the truth right? No one would ever do the same thing any other person would do. Even if they happened to be conjoined twins who shared the same leg, at one time this twin would want to go to Warta to buy some milk, the other twin would prefer to go to Cold Storage just to get the same type of milk.

We are so different yet the same, the truth some of us might have to noe now or else they would continue to live in their own world. In addition to that, we also must realize that the fact that we can never deny; (jeng jeng jeng...) unfortunately we are all human beings... And were not that different after all. We stuffed our food into the same place; mouth..(ade ke orang makan masuk dalam hidung?). we have two legs, two arms and hands and one and only brain given for each and every one of us..
my point would be, even how different we think we are, humans tend to want the same basic needs. Love, Home, Attention and Peace. (or u could add some more if u noe some..) *malas nak terang panjang2 sebab penat...

so what happened today?

I couldnt sleep, the gastric kept me accompanied. (tapi Alhamdulillah, Allah tetap sayang saya..itu saya yakin.) I woke up feeling nauseated, wanting to vomit but I kept quite. or should I say, this time lets just be that no one notices that. pergi sekolah macam biasa... sambil rasa nak muntah dekat perhimpunan. tiba tiba je, satu manusia aneh dipersilakan untuk berucap di hadapan perhimpunan mengenai Dadah, sebab minggu ni minggu Perangi Dadah Habis Habisan anjuran PRS. manusia aneh ni (namanya Ikhwan sebenarnya) secara tak langsung made the whole barisan F5 tergelak.

he started his speech with telling us what are the types of dadah.. and then he said *muka serious. "mereka ini mengambil dadah kerana ingin merasa HIGH atau dalam erti kata lain 'perasaan bahagia'.." the crowd explodes into laughters and then he continued "sila ambil serious perkara ini ye..." *muka lebih serious drpd td..
LOL.
next, he said "antara tanda-tanda yang ketara anda boleh lihat pada seseorang yang mengambil dadah ialah... etc... etc... gelak gelak tak tentu pasal, suka menerawang dan bersendirian, hilang minat pada perkara seperti pelajaran..." LOL. lagi lah F5 gelak sebab tanda tanda tu mcm ade pada kami yang nak ambil SPM ni... (macam orang ambil dadah pulak..)

even though its hard to say, but i have to admit his speech gave us all a smile to start off the day. then, its back to studies! this morning, admths double period again. Im sorry teacher, sebab tc semangat sangat nak mengajar tapi kami buat muka kambing. well, its hard to face the reality that from now onwards admths will take 7 periods of our time in a week! tp tc zarinah cakap "nanti kita Qadha' sivik ye.." (ha ha itu yang saya suka tu ;p)

I thank Azlyn again, for being pateint with me AGAIN when I asked her simple questions regarding addmths and Mths. I hope Allah fare both of our fate well in the future, ameen! ohh, and today, we also planned our future-to-be adventure after SPM with the teachers (well, it wasnt that of an adventure since Sabah was cancelled off). we decided that since maybe some of us couldnt afford such fares, we ll go either Pulau Redang, or Pulau Pangkor or Pulau Perhentian (dekat pulau pulau tu ade ape?). I was into the idea of snorkelling with Azlyn.. ha ha ha. tapi Azlyn kata 'sungguh kurang sopan..' (I really cant wait to get this SPM done.)

After school, we had usrah. it wasnt expected so I didnt prepare anything for my usrah. but I have to say I miss them so much even though we only met for several times. so we ended up merging with group Hanisah, K.Asral, Farhana, Izzati and Najihah and played "tikar aladdin". it was mainly about team work and how to work out the real ukhuwah.. Alhamdulillah. THEN after that, had physics class with cg Hassan. I have to say I went in late so I couldnt quite catch up until cg Hassan gave out a "kambing theory.." (LOL sama case macam tc norhayati, keluarkan theory pelik2..) Cg Hassan cakap.. transistor ni macam sekumpulan Kambing. Kambing C (collector) ni nak lalu...dia nak pergi kandang Kambing E. tapi pintu kandang dia terbuka sikit je, so kambing tak boleh lalu. datanglah sekumpulan Kambing B (base) in saviour... mereka pun buka lah pintu untuk kambing C pergi ke Kambing E. conclusion: current from C needs to be passed through and be added to B to go to E. (betul ke ni??) LOL. that how it goes, the Kambing story...

Muhammad came today, to train the debate family debate. I was only there for 5 minutes to make sure they are doing fine (tanya khabar, hope that everyone is healthy). I just got to noe Laila here is allergic to some food and so she loses weight. Allah bless u, dear. and Raihan, gudluck for ur Karate tournament this weekend.. Arif hakimi didnt come today and even though I was disappointed, but life has to go on.. I wish u guys all the best. and just noe that, Im always here. I noe its quite annoying to say that "Im here" but Im actually not, but Im really sorry I cant help that. Aisyah, Madihah, Laila, Ulfah, Raihan and others, please be strong. (oh Allah, please make me strong too). Dont turn this world into Asam Jawa like I did. colour your own world and dont repeat the mistakes I did. =) whatever happens, Ill be right here with u guys ok.

*is this enough to be happy? - Happiness is a choice, wani. =)
Wallahua'alam.

Monday, July 19, 2010

I Have My Own World, GL

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim...

Selepas semalam kena marah teruk dengan seseorang tu, hari ni terasa dunia ni mcm candy bar snickers yang ada jual dekat station minyak Petronas tu. kalau dulu dunia ni terase macam asam jawa, sekarang ni tak lagi kot. no, im sure. this world couldnt/cant/shouldnt/shant/musnt be that bad.

because i think im going crazy, i have to make myself write daily things occuring in my life, so no1. i wont get lost, insya-Allah. no2. my life would be more systematic and no3. so to prove that i have my own life too!

so what happened today?

Hari ni bangun pagi, rasa pening sebab semalam saja duduk lama lama bawah hujan masas tinggal sorang2 kat rumah dengan niat nak demam so tak payah pergi sekolah. (ok, niat tu tak menjadi). sebab terpandang jadual waktu admaths 2 masa (tapi cg tak masuk pun sebab perhimpunan lama sangat). but still, chemistry was a blast! during the assembly, got this gastric (tapi Alhamdulillah, Allah masih bagi lagi saya kesihatan lepas tu). masa tu jugak kena marah dengan cg ezana (saya mintak maaf cikgu) sebab waktu tu tengah tanya kawan dapat PLKN ke tak... mind u at that time the prefects were supposed to line up the students. My bad. tapi cikgu baik lepas tu =) saya pun gembira.

so yeah i got to noe that a lot of people were chosen to go to PLKN and some of them were even excited. they say "nak dakwah..." i wish them the best of luck but i also do pray that they wont change towards something else. ameen! n then chemistry.... ha ha ha. ok it was totally weird because we have never seen tc norhayati like that before. she was just saying that to displace the ion it needs to be according to the electronegativity of the atom. and she was like resembling the atoms to people who wants to get married (im sure, ni topic favourite thaiybah dan hanisah.) kalau ada seorang perempuan ni, dia nak kahwin. lepas tu ada dua orang laki. sorang bawa motor, sorang bawa mercedes. mana satu akan perempuan itu pilih? (dalam hati, cinta sejati) lol. but yeah of course lah in chemstry the theory was to pick the guy with the mercedes (more electronegativity). sebab cikgu cakap... duit itu menjamin kebahagiaan. LOL. so in order for the atom to be happy, it chose the one with more electronegativity to be displaced with.

afterwards, whats more interesting was that i got to noe, Amalina and Amir have to go to PLKN, leaving Thaiyibah and Amar to train debate b.arab next year. and all sorts of things came out because yeah, we all noe that Thaiyibah and Amar couldnt get along (ye lah, masing masing pelik). Class went well today, alhamdulillah. Thank u to Azlyn, the one who is always patient with me when i asked her questions (sometimes i do think that its a simple and dumb question, but sorry cant help it). she helped me a lot again today. Allah bless you, my friend.

even though everyone is tensed up right now with trials and SPM, but we got each other. Alhamdulillah. and most importantly, we have Allah by our side. even though kena cubit td waktu bio sebab ummi saya kata waktu hari temu mesra "cg sai, kalau anak saya nakal saya bagi rotan.. buat lah apa apa pun janji anak saya jadi orang..", tapi saya tetap cakap Alhamdulillah. sebab cg sai cubit sayang. =)

ok agaknye ni dah banyak serotonin (hormone buat orang happy), sebab tulis pun mcm dalam bubbly mood je. ill get to the point now. ..... I wondered today, what was it like to wear purdah? do u feel safe? do u feel empowered by it? do u feel if someone asks u to do so it means that person loves u and wants to protect u? kena cuba dulu lah baru tahu kan..? I got to noe, after my Sijil Pelajaran Merepek is over, ill get a pure 9 months of Nothing and Idleness, because the gov wants to standardise the start of the new semester or something. 9 months in hand! i would have loved to be freed at that time! tapi semalam dah ada orang marah, so kena dengar cakap. *kidding.

I asked myself, what would i be doing for the 9 upcoming months? ya Allah, a lot of time to memorize the Quran, Alhamdulillah. the thought of it itself made me happy and content. Then, lepas SPM je pergi Sabah dengan budak budak kelas (jadi ke cikgu Salwa?). afterwards, i plan with Hanisah to apply for being a teacher, teaching those kids in primary and kindergarten level. tapi hanisah tak nak budak tadika, she said that those kids ramai yang buang air dalam seluar nanti kita yang kena bersihkan. lol banyak excuse betul. get a driving lisence, cuz me, Thaiyibah and cik Sabihah dan janji nak bermalam dengan adik-adik yang ku sayang waktu IIU interschool debating championship 2011 (i noe Raihan and the rest would make me so proud! ;p). and finally, of course i wouldnt want to miss having to debate. nak debate dengan cik Hayati, kakak saya yang tengah murung jugak macam saya sebab periksa dia susah. nak debate dengan my debate family. n i promise to myself that I would become better insya-Allah to train my little siblings who hasnt got to noe the reality of debatings yet. Ill be there for them, come hell or high water. Be strong, everyonne (that includes me). lepas tu, Hanisah nak pergi belajar memasak dan menjahit (which i didnt really noe why. i thought i alredy got an A in my Kemahiran Hidup). tapi teringin nak buat cream puff..

sometimes, berangan ni memang buat orang happy. tapi kita hanya merancang, Allah yang menentukan... Allah mungkin tarik balik diri kita yang memang menjadi milikNya bila-bila masa sahaja... Tubna ya Allah...

and lastly, Ustazah Marzilah came in our class and Alhamdulillah again, she made me realize a lot of things. she said to us "ramai pelajar maahad ni terasa terkongkong sekrang ni.." (Hmmpphh, ustzah macam psychic pulak). i want to push forward the thinking that menjadi seorang yang baik is not hard, tapi best! for the love that we have for Allah.... (oh Allah please do make me strong). setakat mana kita rasa terkongkong, kalau kita ada Ummi dan Abah yang sangat sayangkan kita.. dan rakan rakan yang sentiasa berada bersama kita... Hanisah kata sedara -sedara dia ada yang masuk madrasah dekat sri Petaling, pakai purdah lepas tu kalau ustaz masuk kelas datang mengajar pun kena di sebalik tabir. subhanallah... Wani boleh ke macam tu agaknya? ;p *muhasabah diri skejap.

yes, I was jealous of other people's lives. I thought I was insignificant. I thought I wasnt seen by the people around me. I was inferior and I wanted to prove something. Prove what?? I have my own world, with Allah. just have to bear that in mind.

the post is quite long. sorry people, i need to write my thoughts so i wont go crazy. balik sekolah dalam kereta saya cakap dengan ummi ; I felt like Im going crazy...

Ummi; No dear, because u have Allah, n u have me...

+ kudos to my twin. Wallahu a'alam.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Apa Erti Saya Hidup?

We are the votaries of Allah and we dare to be selfish in our lives... Astaghfirullah.

Recent events in my life left me astounded and kept me wondering the big question entitling this post. "Apa Erti Saya Hidup?". we say that we dont have to think about it because Allah already answered the question for us in the Quran in Al-baqarah saying that the purpose of us to live a life in this world is to become the "khaleef" of the world. but how many of us truly understand what it really meant and embrace themselves into becoming one?

to be talking about being a "khaleef", is a one long way to go..
and Im here to share a few thoughts about it.

A very much Thank you to Tc Saniah, Ustazah Adibah, Ustazah Marzilah and a very close-by twin for being there for me when I seemed lost with my own self. I hated to be Wani, I was lost and I dont even noe what Wani is really doing with her life. I wanted to be Fuzzy, a cat or just a sole bare tree that doesnt have to think about evoking and provoking thoughts in life. But behind every cloud there is always a silver lining, and Alhamdulillah I managed to pull it off.

Dear Friends and Family,

One evening, I went to seek for some truth. I have to admit I wasnt even focussed in my prayers as this question kept on banging my head and sounded like the school bell. I was prfound by the quesion "macam mana nak jadi baik?". but another question before having to see that question is "apa dia orang yang baik?". 'versus' taught me "orang baik" ini adalah orang yang beriman dengan Allah... (Hairi was the one who said that in the novel). dan orang yang beriman dengan Allah adalah orang yang mempercayai dengan sepenuh hati dan mengamalkan apa yang diketahuinya (ilmu; knowledge).

Eemaan is speech and action. It increases and decreases. If u perform gud deeds, it increases and if u do wrong, it decreases.
shaykh abdur razzaak al abbaad

so here goes the story, im just here to talk about the small things that many people took it for granted. We have a big objective coming up in the Hereafter (that means after this world has ended). We have a deadline to meet with Allah, so we couldnt afford by to try to make ourselves become a better person- orang yang beriman. tapi kenapa kita masih keluar ramai-ramai tengok wayang cerita "eclipse" dalam gelap sedangkan kita tahu cerita itu banyak romance seen? kenapa kita masih buat perkara perkara lagha yang sering melalaikan kita? kenapa kita masih tengok cerita korea sampai pukul 3 pagi instead of doing tahajjud?

Hmppphh. people say, alahhh ni semua bende kecik je. bukannye kite tinggal solat. think again, please. these little things reflected us right back where it shows that kita ni cuai dalam menjaga iman kita sendiri. (sorry lah terase nak marah skejap). tengok wayang cite toys story ke, iron man ke, dalam gelap tempat tu kita tak tahu pun ape yang terjadi walaupun kita keluar dengan family. answer me true or false, we noe theres a definite possibility that people are doing god-noes-what inside the cinema right? kalau keluar dengan family, tak terase ke family tu yang mereka ada responsibility terhadap the other family members and secara tak langsung, mereka sendiri mendedahkan to the other family members tentang perkara sebegitu. the kafirun claimed war to us by saying they will invade our thinking and destroy us from the inside. we hoped for the war to stop, we hoped for our freedom and sole peace in this world, how can we change the big things sedangkan benda yang kecil ni pun kita pandang remeh? subhanallah. ok lahh, emo sikit sebab tengah geram.

"al-iman yazidu wa yanqus"

Wallahu a'alam.

Friday, July 9, 2010

A Moment to Remember

bile dah sengal sangat, tension tahap katak duduk di bawah tempurung, ni lah jadinye ; pergi bukak balik video suju yang merepek2. Hmphhh..

one of the scenes they captured in Exploration of Human Body. A moment to remember bile dah tension sangat. ha ha ha. suju was doing an impromptu act with a girl to create a crying moment. the tears were to be tested in front of a high speed camera sbb nak tengok movement die aje.

*dengan muka serious nye nak berlakon to create a crying moment

Girl; Have u heard?

Donghae; what is it about?

Girl; They said I have an eraser in my mind...
Lets break up.

Donghae; Did he say he saw it? *muka tak puas hati.

Girl; Everything will end..

Donghae; The eraser in ur mind... Did he say he saw it?!! *muka lagi tak puas hati

*background music*

Girl; Its over.
Dont live in your memory
There is no need to be nice to me..
I'll forget everything
What's the use of being nice to me??

Donghae; WHO ASKED U TO EAT THE ERASER???!!!

LOL gelak guling2. makk,, saya tension sangat tension.

=) credits to Syakirah and Hani for giving me the video .

*kalau yang lain tak paham, takpe lah.... LOL

Thursday, June 17, 2010

The freedom that was never mine.

From when I was still little, Ive always wished to be given some freedom. What freedom at that time, I dont noe. But yeah u got the idea when I say I was into music like "Im like a bird-nellie furtado" , I really wished to be given the wings to finally be able to go anywhere. Free from whatever it was that was holding me back....

When I was six, I could say I was already lucky enough. I already got the chance to hop on to a plane and flew to somewhere like Turki and Australia. A chance to see the world. but was it the real freedom that I could call? some other times, I could only stare from the window, how my neighbourhood friends would always play "baling selipar" as soon as the clock striked 4.30 pm everyday. and by that time I would have to yield to my parents order of making me go to the Quran class. yes, after some time I did get to play with them during the weekends. I did, but it wasnt often and regular. How I would grumble, that even when I did get to play with them some times, they would always forget my name. because they didnt see me often, and they thought I was weird, not knowing what I would do every evening besides playing as a kid....

When I was seven, I grew up not to be some kid who cried every morning whenever my parents sent me to primary schools. I grew up to still have the desire of tasting the freedom Ive always pictured in my head, but again I wasnt given that. when I thought I could make up with my neighbourhood friends this time by schooling together with them, I was wrong. I ended up being the only one in the neighbourhood to be sent to an islamic school, SRAI BBB, while the rest had their fun at the nearest school near our neighbourhood, SK J3. What freedom was I talking about, when I couldnt even choose my school and my friends. What freedom was I talking about, when my sole purpose of life at that time was only to look things from behind my parents eyes. I hid the true feelings I felt everytime I went to school for that year, not crying and not smiling.

When I was twelve, I couldnt but wait patiently for Hari raya. because only that time would my parents let me out to hang out with my friends. "beraya ke rumah kawan," that would be the term at that time. but for me, that was always my window of getting to taste the bit freedom that I wanted all along. I would laugh very hard and smile my every way when that time comes. so far, that was what I remembered until now. What I meant by the freedom that I want.

When I turned fifteen, I started to use my own thinking, having to differentiate between whats good and whats bad. Life in the adolesence was full of curiosity, adventure, FUN and finding out our identities, they say. The taste of freedom was yet to be tasted. yeah, to be honest at this time around I started seeing "boys" as real boys, and not just friends (Im dead if my mom reads this). when finally, slowly I got to feel that each day my parents were being more lenient with me, and I could almost feel my wings, fighting for the flight they always wanted. Alas, deep inside, there was a tiny bit of me that questioned whether this is the RIGHT freedom. But again, Alas, that part was only a tiny bit...

Now when Im here, to be what I am, Nothing has been more clearer than this. Im seventeen, the age where everyone would be thrilled at. The last year of being in secondary schools. and yes, sometimes I would question myself; have I got the freedom that I wanted? come on, Im already seventeen! I laugh at that possibility, where I could see two different worlds falling apart from me. This side I would have friends who would think that hanging out together with friends, watching movies in cinemas, and go shopping for long hours are the peak times of their adolesence. On the other side, I would have friends that their parents didnt even allow them to go to Seven-E in front of their house without any companion/muraqib.

Alhamdulillah, I understand now.

Freedom is what we call the free will that we get when doing things that we do. The RIGHT freedom is being able to do the things we believe in and like to do, ONLY knowing that the things we believe in is the RIGHT thing. we dont need to hang out with friends at shopping malls to be called free. because someone close to me once said, " the truest freedom is by far to free ourseleves from sins ". and if we are those in Faith of Allah, trust me dear friends. that even if we finally get our wings to fly and do whatever we wanted to do all along, the wings wont fit and will be broken, because thats just not who we are... so no matter what world we are in now, or what freedom we have in our hands right now, or how far we are from our parents now, just bear in mind to do what's RIGHT. after all, we are called MUSLIMS for nothing ehh?

p/s; dedicated to Thaiyibah, me and those teenagers out there who thinks life... is lacking some freedom. LOL.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Cara-cara untuk membantu menghilangkan stress (ii)

*kalau memang dah stress sangat, mungkin cuba berhenti drpd baca buku kejap.. (skejap je) dan buat beberapa cadangan di bawah.

1. main game Plant vs. Zombie.

2. gelak 5 minit non-stop sambil tengok Spongebob squarepants

3. ckp sorang2 dengan kucing

4. duduk satu tempat yang tersorok, dan perhatikan gelagat budak-budak kecil bermain sampai anda boleh tersenyum.

5. tengok cerita korea (kalau tak tahu, pergi tanya thaiyibah crt ape yang best).

6. baca Quran, tengok maksud sampai boleh menangis. (objektif, nak bagi nangis sbb kadang2 lepas kita nangis stress tu mcm boleh hilang)

7. menulis di blog

8. tidur

9. tengok Thomas cup (tp jangan emosi sangat bila Malaysia kalah)

10. cubit pipi sendiri semasa sedang membaca buku.

p/s: hanisah, saya stress dan murung!!!

Silence.

For once, I wished to be in silent.

Hearing those words from my parents, my body stiffened. Not even a single reaction came out. It was either too sudden, or the words were just too hard to swallow. I became silent when too many things were juggling inside my head. I became silent, when my heart would just want to leap out and say something. I became silent, when Im too afraid to let their hopes down, at the same time burrying my own dream.

"Wani, we would like u to go to.......
" because thats always been the rightful place for u."

Is it?

For once, I wished to be in silent.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Cara-cara untuk membantu menghilangkan stress

Bagi pelajar-pelajar tingkatan 4 dan 5 yang terpaksa memulakan peperiksaan 3 minggu lebih awal daripad pelajar tingkatan 3, (sebab ambil subjek banyak sangat. kebetulan satu subjek 3 papers), setelah menanyakan beberapa pendapat yang boleh dipercayai, didapati terdapat cara-cara yang boleh membantu anda menghilangkan stress. antaranya ialah:

1. setiap kali rasa rimas nak study, pergi mandi air sejuk. (anda mungkin mendapati bahawa kerap kali anda mandi lebih banyak daripada masa anda menenung buku)

2. setiap kali rasa stress nak baca buku lama2, pergi makan banyak2 tak kira apa juadah sekali pun (ttp berhati-hati dengan indigestion)

3. sambil geram baca buku Sejarah yang tebal tu, boleh lah mengunyah biskut scr berterusan (dapat mengalihkan perhatian anda drpd memikirkan tentang stress)

4. semakkanlah katil anda setiap hari supaya anda tidak akan terase nak tidur di atasnya.

5. jauhkan segala laptop dan hp supaya anda tidak akan terfikir utk bukak FB 5 minit. (tapi kalau kawan sms mintak tajuk yang keluar tu, balas lah yer)

6. kalau memang dah tak larat sangat nak baca buku, pergilah mengacau rakan rakan rapat anda (supaya mereka juga turut sama tak baca buku). cdgn kacauan yang tidak melampau. - " Hanisah, tensen lah sejarah tak baca lagi! tp malas sangat ni...."

7. dengar muzik, tengok tv skejap (tp pastikan skejap saja), kemudian sambung semula

8. main2 dengan adik, kalau anak bongsu dan anak tunggal kenalah sari alternatif lain ye.

TTP yang paling mujarab, insya-Allah.

9. setiap kali anda berase tertekan, Hadapkanlah muka kita kepada Allah dan Ingatlah Dia yang Maha Kuasa. setiap kali anda berasa tertekan, solat sunat dan mengaji al-Quran 2/3 ayat pun jadilah.. tak pun zikir.

bayangkan jika setiap kali anda tertekan dan anda solat sunat dan beribadah kpd Allah, kan dpt lg banyak pahala, lepas tu hidup pun akan terase lebih dirahmati kan kan?

*sumber bahan tulisan ini tidak boleh didedahkan

Sekian......
p/s; gud luck ehh everyone yang tengah exam.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Confused * Dejected

Lagi 2 minggu MTQ.

lagi 3 minggu Mid Year Exam.

ya Allah..........

A: "why do u want to be a doctor?"

me: "because doctors give people second chances in their lives."
"and everyone..deserves a second chance.."

Thursday, April 8, 2010

How Unlucky i could be in this Lucky situation.

Alhamdulillah.

Alhamdulillah.

Alhamdulillah.

"Allah masih sayangkan saya", "saya masih bernafas dan hidup di atas muka bumi ini", "dan yang penting, Allah selalu maqbulkan doa saya"

ya Allah, janganlah Engkau hukum kami dengan Kekalahan...
Lalu Allah beri saya kemenangan...

Namun, apa erti sebenarnya?

Today held the Karnival Tadarus AlQuran peringkat Daerah in SMK Jalan 3. I woke up feeling nauseatic, for i had not eaten a single thing yesterday night. but i also woke up with this uneasy feeling. The feeling i never felt in my whole life as far as i knew when entering Hafazan Competition (either MTQ or Amal Islami). My voice didnt flow the way it should be that morning, and again... it was the same feeling.

My dad keep on telling me (without any compromise) that he would come and see me. Well, it wasnt exactly what he used to do, considering that he will only started watching me perform from Negeri or Kebangsaan. But in the end, he didnt really get to see me perform in real. It was just when the closing ceremony that i got to see him.

I did badly, thats all i could ever say. No part of me would have sounded like that. I didnt noe what went wrong. what i know is that the uneasy feeling accompanied me all along. It was not a lie, it was not a trick, it was not just talking. And for that, i have to say sorry to my mom and dad, ustazah zalizan and ustzah che ainu, and those who have been counting on me to do my best. i just dont feel right, and i dont noe why.

So eventually, even with all these feelings, i actually did win... Azra was crying right after her name was announced as the winner. it felt blessed to see her crying like that. for me, i felt nothing. Nothing.

so Here goes the question, How Unlucky i could be in this Lucky situation.

i could see how grateful my dad was to be there, and saw his daughter on the stage with pride, i could see how hyper my dad went when he called my mom live to hear the MC announce my name to be the winner, i could see the satisfaction in the face of my Ustazahs. but it just doesnt feel right. as if i dont deserve it after all.....

oh Allah, i noe, i truly noe that by saying we dont desrve it or something when Allah gave us the one thing that we asked from Him is called ungrateful. Forgive me oh Allah for ranting and critisizing this Lucky and Blessed situation. Alhamdulillah i could still manage to see His power by Him letting me win. But....

I feel empty.

"ya Rahman, tetapkanlah kemenangan bagi orang orang yang menjunjung kitabMu, dan jadikanlah aku dalam kalangan mereka yang menjunjung kitabMu. ya Rahim, janganlah Engkau hukum dan bebankan kami dengan kekalahan... ya Rabbi ya Karim...... tidak akan aku berdaya untuk bertahan di dunia ini dan melakukan suruhanMu andai bukan kerana KekuasaanMu.."

Daddy, may this be the most valuable present for ur upcoming birthday, and though i dont feel lucky with it, i hope u could be happy for me instead.... Love you always,.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Grievances

I Hate it.

Recently tc Rohani taught us this new power word to use for the unexpressed discontent feelings that we felt all the time = Grievances (its a Noun).

so Basicly, what could be applied here is that in life, there would always be someone hurting somebody, then somebody taking revenges and avenges, and then this tiny blackheads in our heart would develop into a huge pimple, so big that we are bothered by its existence, then somehow we feel that we need to stay away from anybody and hate every single person crossing out paths.

Grievances causes that. and I Hate it.

its painful when someone hurts u, especially when that person ignores the fact that the person did hurt u. u dont feel respected, u feel unappreciated, u feel that living in this world is not worth after all, u feel everything but happiness in this world. whats bigger is that when u finally asked urself how many times did u cry for that person when that person never cried for u... that even when u r hurting u keep on saying sorry simply because u just dont know what to do, but the truth whether the sorry is said or done, people dont really care do they?

only that we have to Remember, we were born being the "khairu ummah" , it should be one of our "fitrah" to be able to accept it and let go... Grievances, is not a word u could use to measure and count how much the person has hurt u, or to compare the goodness we have done to the person so that it is easier to avenge. It is always about forgiving each other, even though it may be hard sometimes. but thats what should be in all of us, because being able to forgive people no matter if that person kills ur cat for instance..is in the "fitrah" of our Faith; Iman. It reflects our Iman, that maybe we are left with a weaken Iman in truth (im not pointing out to anybody).

Jarang2 kita dengar masyarakat kita sekarang asyik dengan menyebut ucapan "terima kasih" atau "minta maaf" walaupun hakikatnya kadang2, orang lain yang langgar dia tengah jalan... Moralnya di sini, Manusia ni selalu Terlupa, dan kadang2 Kebaikan yang sebegini rupa selalu Dilupakan....

Monday, March 22, 2010

Never Realizing

"ya Allah, pandanglah hamba-Mu ini dengan pandangan Rahmat dan Kasih SayangMu."

As a human, sometimes we never realize things that we should have clearly seen long time ago..

Im sorry, for everything.. to everyone.. (saying sorry and thank you everytime u feel bad was way better than i thought.)

Im sorry, that I offended quite a lot of people directly, or indirectly for the rest of my spend ed lifetime. Im sorry , wholeheartedly to my mom and dad. Im sorry, wholeheartedly to my family. Im sorry, wholeheartedly to my teachers. Im sorry, wholeheartedly to my friends. Im sorry, wholeheartedly to the Earth for not taking care of you properly.. Im sorry.

Its been quite an emotional week even after the ILIM, Im sorry.

and last, As a human we Never Realize that what we Fear the most in life is

Being Forgotten.

Tarbiah itu bukan segala-galanya, tetapi Segala-galanya ialah Tarbiah

Ok, this i can guarantee u. This is not an Entahlah post :

The first day back to school was really tiring (for the body but not for my mind). Ive been climbing up the stairs all day long settling a few here and there, trying to find peace in the middle of the busy-ness. What happened during the holidays were history. Now its time for History-making in Reality.

So, basicly i did went to ILIM (Institut Latihan Islam Malaysia), and did a mistake by which i got into the wrong room (not with my destined roomate-Ainiz; really sorry for that). instead, i stayed with Nil, the KA for MN hostel. it was really frightening at first when its time to "sedar diri" that u r a "pelajar luar" and would put everything around everywhere like u own the room compared to a disciplined KA here. That was basicly the first challenge, and phhheeeww i juts hope that Nil would not penalize me for not washing my clothes every night ;p

There, i would also want to write a book entitled " Rahsia 3 Hari mengenali Hanisah Ibrahim" cuz she was really crazily catchy and hyper when she's with her mates. This friend of mine taught me a lot more than just laughing, she taught me the meaning of friendship and how we would be so crazily sleepy when the auditorium's lights were put off. but during one the conversations with her that i realized something. Hanisah was randomly talking to me in the room about "....." when she suddenly said that "Tarbiah is not everything, but Everything is Tarbiah". it strucked me, for i realized something deeper than what the sentence really meant. This girl, Thaiyibah and I really had a great time figuring out what life means, and not to mention crying really grossily in the dark together. Bless u all./

Alhamdulillah, even thought everything went quite smooth but there were still a few unfortunate events that cant be avoided. Afiyah fell into one of the drains at ILIM, and i pray that ur leg will get healthy soon. another unfortunate thing was, when finally today i get to meet my beloved Kero, i was notified that she had an accident just for the sake of a cat. Her hand got a few stitches and her right leg's bone was displaced (retak). Im sorry for not being there Syakirah, but i ll pray that u will get better insya-Allah like u always pray for me during my hard times.

So ILIM, overall was a great experience. it was very peaceful, that every night u could just stare right up the sky and say nothing but Subhanallah. or rather, u will spend every night there with very loud wails and cries because of the "sesi penghayatan". Finally i had the first will written in case i died the next day (Allah knows best), and they reminded me a lot from the beginning of our existence and how we should be really grateful to Allah because of his Endless Love and Enormous Rahmah bestowed upon us. We, were born as a fighter and will always be a fighter... so please Bless us with Your blessings, oh Allah,. our journey and jihad hasnt ended Just Yet.

Memories; ustz jamal "ape hobi awak?" -"panjat bumbung!", "buka peti ais!", "menyapu!", "minum jus!" , "minum teh!" =) Fiver 2010, we Are a Complicated Community... SPM 100% Ameen.

Itu Janji Kami.

The End

p/s; Dont forget to Pray. Always.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Post Entahlah.

im writing this down, fully aware that in the next 10 minutes i wont be able to type again. but... this is a must

This Holiday;

ILIM trip is tomorrow, havent packed a single thing not to mention dont noe what to pack. rasa mcm budak kecik asyik2 tanya ibu "stokin nak bawak berape?" , "baju tidur?" (tidur ke kite kat sane nnt ainiz?) ;p "berus gigi kena bawak jugak?"

This piece of me thats writing really doesnt feel like leaving the house for 4 solid days. getting cold feet (wonder why). mcm nak kena campak dalam hutan 3 bulan. but wani, u ll survive.

so apart from that, im truly sorry for not getting in touch with a lot of people during this holiday. sincere apology to Iman especially, n i didnt really watch Korean drama the whole time Iman. of course i love u more than this really cute Korean Guy. No doubt there.

secara Am nya, post ini adalah tah pa pe.
saya sedang berasa ;

Sangat Geram Pada Diri Saya
Sangat Lapar
Sangat Penat
Sangat nak Tido
Sangat Malas
Sangat rasa Nak Mintak Maaf pada Semua Orang
Sangat....

Dunia ini bulat, mcm bola, mcm bola ikan, mcm bola mata, mcm, bola sepak, mcm bola kempis.

Only He knows whats Really been Going on,

oh Allah.....

*finished.