Saturday, March 23, 2013

A kid and her immaturity

After having slight problems dealing with microbe (thats a medical subject btw), i decided to have a break by zooming around into my hard disk, selecting anything that would interest the mind.

came across King 2 Heart, the all-loved korean drama which was a breathtaking drama. haha. i cant believe im doing this again, wathing while putting a smile helplessly whenever the scenes humor my thoughts. afterwards, i watched the writing recap and the reviews made for that episode and thought, long havent i been doing this kind of thing.

i remember back then when i was in early secondary education, i used to put up with myself being like this almost every night. without finding anything amusing to do, watching Kdrama and reading every reviews made were the daily routines.

I was a kid, amused by her own immaturity at that time.

and now, down the memory lane....again.

earlier today someone whom i respected did say i was known for my mature looks and perhaps, thinking. ill bear that in mind the next time my mind land on the memory lane again, being a kid and not knowing what should be prioritized in life. 

but then i thought, well thats what differs us from a kid. we are in fact, an adult, realizing each and every step that we take in life. knowing by right each moment we spent, wasted on things that shouldnt be taken into matter. 

indeed, i need a break from my life right now. rearranging everything now and then. sometimes i admit, theres the fall, theres the break, and yet theres also the sweetness, and the tears of joy out of strength, as i pull back myself out of the empty hole dragging me down. 

Alas, this is not a way, to get back up. this isnt the way, to waste the moments n time He has given me to be spent in this world. He hasnt created me to watch and tag along with other people's drama. i just hoped...someday, this kid will stop dreaming of other people's dream (inside the Kdrama) and start living and chasing her own dream. this time, a more Real dream. 

Allah. Love. Faith

p/s: anyhow, King 2 Heart was really a good drama. 

Friday, March 22, 2013

being lonely is an illness.

Dr Jaremka, a psychologist said: "Being lonely means not feeling connected or cared for, it's not about being physically alone.
"We need to find ways to help lonely people. Unfortunately we can't tell anyone to go out and find someone to love you. We need to create support networks."


As if loneliness can be the silent killer like cancer..

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Money Talk $$$

So many posts have I put them in drafts form, some were stories about how difficult life is, some were stories about how I flunked Mara standards and had to flew here to Jordan self-funded. Some others were about how frustrated I get with myself.

It wasn’t until yesterday that I decided, this post should be my own personal comeback post.

It was well, as stated above, about money talk.

Yesterday, i went shopping in Amman. Ohh for those who do not know, Amman is the capital of Jordan and I am currently studying in Irbid. Irbid is one hour-away from Amman. I always consider Amman as the modernized city while Irbid, well lets just say it’s a bit of kampong-like (if I have time I’ll tell you more about the place that I’m studying).

For me, shopping was always my getaway time. I told myself I needed to get out of Irbid for a while, seep in some fresh air. Maybe the stress out of upcoming exams. What’s odd is, well this time it happened that the items I bought weren’t for myself. It was rather gifts for my friends’ birthday.

I learnt two things just from going shopping yesterday, even though I did lose a bit of money. Ohh well, so much of an irony there. Lol.

1) anybody who knew me would be surprised with this turn out. I wasn’t usually the type to thoroughly think and be considerate about people around me, except for family. But then, it took me two hours to screen every inch of city mall to find what I wanted to give for my friends. I have to admit, that’s a bit of an improvement wani. *clap clap tangan sendiri. Finally digesting a bit what “think others before yourself meant” n I tell you, it needs training!

2) Ok here goes no 2, n yes this is the highlight part. After spending what seems to be my dad’s money (of course its not mine im not sponsored), I recalled one once-upon-a-time scene in Malaysia. This one day, my sister and I went to klcc to get some things in Sephora. So before going back, our mom ordered us to buy her some milk at cold storage. And heres what happened;

Inside cold storage, upon the entrance, usually there’s this row of breads, and pizzas and some juices over the counter right. There was this one family, a father and mother, and a little daughter. I heard them arguing as it was pretty loud. The daughter was very thirsty and she wanted to have some juice (dlm bahasa melayu “sedang merengek”). Based on their looks I guess it was their first time going to klcc (maybe bcuz at that time there was an expedition going on). They took quite some time to spot the place to buy the juice, and when they finally found it, the couple wondered how do they pay the juice and all. I overheard things more or less similar like “lets get our daughter one only, and non for us. jimat” although they too looked like they needed some drink (it was a hot day). And a brief moment later, they went to the paying counter and went out of cold storage.

It left me speechless for a moment. I didn’t know how to react. In my hands were the milks my mom ordered and a 50 ringgit note, ready to pay the things I wanted to buy there. I clearly didn’t have any problems if I wanted to add a few snickers bars as snacks for my journey back home in the car later. Nor do I have any problems paying few hundred bucks for our so-called “necessities” in Sephora back then. And Yet, the very moment I spent money care freely, other people couldn’t even get themselves drinks when they were thirsty, and can only afford to give their daughter that one glass of juice..

Money….of course it cant buy you happiness as the quote says, but Everyone needs money in this world. Its our tool of survival.

This very incident taught me that we need to reflect ourselves often. Appreciate what we have, and think of what others couldn’t have. Stay with the spirit of Qana3ah (sikap berpada-pada), and not be stingy or spendthrift. And most importantly, be Thankful. Even when you have enough money at the moment, or not, always be Thankful.

I recalled this ayat in my head, and in hopes that I could keep it dearly in my heart..

“And know that your possessions and your children are A TEST,and that with Allah is immense reward.." (al-anfal, 28)

-Maka lihatlah mereka yang berada di bawah kamu jika perkara tersebut adalah perkara duniawi, dan lihatlah mereka yang berada di atas kamu, jika perkara tersebut adalah perkara ukhrawi.."

Monday, February 25, 2013


Assalam. its been a while....... where should I start then?