Friday, October 30, 2009

Need a break out of the Natural Phenomenon. ;p

You Are An INFP

The Idealist

You are a creative person with a great imagination. You enjoy living in your own inner world.
Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships.
It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close to you.
But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop.

In love, you tend to have high (and often unrealistic) standards.
You are very sensitive. You tend to have intense feelings.

At work, you need to do something that expresses your personal values.
You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.

How you see yourself: Unselfish, empathetic, and spiritual

When other people don't get you, they see you as: Unrealistic, naive, and weak

source; blogthings. com

p/s; i should be an artist...??? LOL.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Musleh (ii) part 2

3.30pm; main hall.

we were kinda late; back from the hospital cafeteria. we arrived just as the theme was getting introduced. i wasnt feeling any good about that. so still panting by the quick walk, i sat with Laila and took out everything (papers and pens) to get ready for the next round. the food is still churning inside the stomach and i noe that it effects my mood. i stayed quiet.

since we won quite big the last time, we were being placed in Room 3. and this time we were the government! Kimi must be thrilled. but the thought of our opponents disturbed me since last nite i remembered Fakhry saying those who have to fight the school must have a hard time. just our luck; Integrated Islamic School, Kota Damansara. wanie, come on think positive!



on the motion THBT Trade is better than Aid.

we started running towards the room, and whats even worse was that the room wasnt in the same building; it was beside this very building. great, that just swallowed up lots of our little quarantine time. i remembered that we were in the lift at one time, then we have to climb up the stairs because of some miscommunication. a sudden thought brought us even more panick; no one seems to have the Almanac book of facts! and since Laila will not be talking this round she has to pace back our moves and trace the book. poor Laila. everything was not right at that time.

meanwhile, we sat down and decided whether to go global/international or focus on only one country. we seemed lost without the book. of course, me and Kimi were hanging with no strings about what in the world would we be talking. my head started spinning again with questions like aid as in medical help (Persatuan Bulan Sabit Merah)..? ok this is not good. during the last minute, Laila finally caught up to us and gave us the missing Almanac. Alhamdulillah! and we also decided that this time, Fakhry will be the 1st speaker and Kimi will be second. our points werent that clear, what i can conclude at that time is just to differentiate things between Trade and Aid.

in the room, we met the same judge! (yes, the cute one).laila was our timekeeper. our opponents were all girls.and they looked very confident. while im deranged over some matter about economy, the judge introduced the debate today as he did to us previously. and with no further wasting time, the debate started. i noticed Fakhry's dad was sitting behind to watch the debate. there was also a lot of our opponent's supporters. i looked at my own papers, and laughed wickedly inside with a surge of fear; what the hell am i going to talk about?!

as usual, Fakhry introduced the motion and lead the role as the 1st speaker. he gave lots of explanations about the differences which i really really took note of. then came up the 1st speaker of the opposition, she was tall and spoke with great pomp. she stressed out about the poor countries who cant afford to do trade. and then Kimi was next, and he managed to ease off this debate with his starting off speech in Musleh. well, he didnt really have very strong points to talk about except to continue what Fakhry has been saying, and after a 4minutes + talking, he said "i guess i have nothing else to say" and everybody kinda smile towards his spontanity. even the judge laughed and made that as the highlights for the day. so came the 2nd speaker to stress out again and again about the poor countries which got me really annoyed that time because our yardstick was about "developing" countries, not "poor" countries. then suddenly something happened which got them pissed for a while. Laila accidentally rang the bell before the time it should and they happened to count the time as well. alhamdulillah the judge understood it was an accident and cleared things off. but im pretty sure that their lot werent satisfied. sorry for that but we have no argues for u guys to continue ur speech if u want. then finally it was my turn! i thought i was pretty calm because of the judge's face. LOL. firstly, i told them to cut off the "poor" countries and stick to the developing countries. and yes, though some of them are poor, they still manage do trade. proof? Indonesia! during the economy downfall in the 20th century. what i dont really understand is they compare to countries like Afghanistan in the middle of the war, and what if Tsunami came, should trade be useful? somehows i slipped the word "keen hearted" to them as to say maybe, just maybe they thought aid was better than trade in times of natural disaster only. the rest.... i can finally rest in peace during the reply speech (which i wasnt in peace at all)

the result was very surprising, again! anything is unexpected in Musleh. lol. well, we won! by a margin of 8! the winning wasnt that of a surprise but the margin was! and i thought that this school was a tough fighter. the judge said that the theme was economy and we managed to stick to it, while the opposition had been playing with psychological factor such as the natural disaster. he said that since he is a psychologist, he would give the margin to 8 but if the judge was an economist, the margin would have been even bigger. Alhamdulillah! i was beyond happy! and the judge also gave us another piece of advice. since this is the first timer for Kimi, he suggested Kimi to practice more and try to finish the speech in the 7 minutes time. as for Fakhry, he said he was a bit hasty (mind you judge, he likes to talk in a very fast mode to coordinate with his fast brain). and he also said to me that i didnt look very nervous this time. in the end, he gave the title of best speaker to me. i was so thrilled by OUR win that i didnt care. i wasnt aiming for anything like that. im more than relieved to finish up my 7 minutes! Hmpph, how peculiar things happened. in quarantine we were so in no control of anything. next thing we knew, we won!

i can only say Alhamdulillah.
to our hang out place; surau.
and some sujud syukur definitely.

Allahumma yusahhilna. ameen..

To be Continued.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Whats Happening; i'm broken.

Sitting here and typing relentlessly, im left nothing but weakness.

i havent been to school today as i should.teacher mahmudah wants to have a 2-hours add maths class during the evening, a 2-periods of class that shouldnt be missed, a clash of chemistry class with the rehearsal of Hari Q,,.... i just couldnt make it. lying here with a weak body (demam), a hopeless mind, and an inevitable upcoming events.. at one time i would want to let it ALL out, another time i would be listening to my iPod with the highest pitch i could ever get till my ear hurts, then some times i'd rather spend reading my Quran and up to a moment when tears just rolled down the cheeks without any reason.

Sigh........... i'm broken with pieces that i couldnt even rescatter.

part of me strongly agrees that this is just the stress out of the upcoming examination. part of me says thats just crap. the whole situation have been wrong; fake (i wonder how many times have i said the word "fake"). the last debate practice have proved something to me; smiling for others is just too painful. (sounds selfish ehh?) i remember asking them "korang ada pegangan hidup x?" but right now theres no such thing in me.

these past weeks im trying hard to have a laugh with Kero and Hani. they made such silly jokes about 'fake' handphones and such that i cant help joining them. for that, i thank them. those laughs lighted me up a bit. during the evening, i will be busy talking with my debate family. all those tiredness slipped away whenever i see their determination to learn. im not asking anything in return, i dont even think of wanting to be appreciated as i can only share LITTLE of what i have. and recently, we have had our debate practice back; with a will from my Twin as an introduction. we plant in them some seed of hope; and yet everything seems so fake.

Sighh....... Hope. Im losing hope, thats just it. and I know I shouldnt be doing this.

"janganlah kamu bersikap lemah dan janganlah kamu bersedih hati, padahal kamulah orang yang paling tinggi darjatnya, jika kamu orang yang beriman. "

After this, Insya-Allah i'll be leaving this chapter of my life and start a new happy-ending chapter. i have to be stronger for myself, and others. i need to be closer to my Creator. this is an unfinshed journey, and its just the beginning. i cant and wont fall down.

The things i usually do before anything ; p

to my parents;
im sorry that i havent been carrying your hopes and dreams on my shoulder yet. im sorry for ALL the troubles, that doesnt seem worth at all giving birth to me. im sorry if i ever break your heart in any kinds of ways (i know i do). im sorry... that i desperately need u in my life.

to my siblings; im sorry for all the quarrels. im sorry that ive been ignoring ur existence in the house in times of my mood swings ;p im sorry that i didnt listen to whats right and stick up to my ego whenever i feel like doing so. im sorry that ive been asking u to get out from the room whenever i feel annoyed (well korang used to do that to me when i was little righ???). im sorry that mom picked me up from the garbage can (as prescribed by my sister of how do i exist in the first place. lol.) im sorry... that i havent become a better person.

to my debate family;im sorry, if any of u detected my stressful tone when i motivated u guys (i doubt it). im sorry that i told u to believe in yourself whereas i dont believe in myself. im sorry if i give u too much pressure by stressing out my hopes and dreams for everyone of us. im sorry that sometimes i fake a laugh at the jokes in times of sorry for a lot of things that mayb the f1 and f2 cant understand yet. im sorry... if i turn out selfish and couldnt be there with u guys.

above all that, this chapter taught me something. this chapter will be compiled with other chapters to show that i grew up from these situations and will become a better person some day... i must not give in, i must not give up. together in this world we live to pursue our hopes and dreams, with great determination and endurance, for come hell or high water, we will always be together. to search for Allah's blessings in life, is no playful matter. to reach out His unrequitted love, is no weak challenge. to fight in His way, ill be needing lots of more than this.

insya-Allah, i will grow up from this.

in search of light,