I Have My Own World, GL

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim...

Selepas semalam kena marah teruk dengan seseorang tu, hari ni terasa dunia ni mcm candy bar snickers yang ada jual dekat station minyak Petronas tu. kalau dulu dunia ni terase macam asam jawa, sekarang ni tak lagi kot. no, im sure. this world couldnt/cant/shouldnt/shant/musnt be that bad.

because i think im going crazy, i have to make myself write daily things occuring in my life, so no1. i wont get lost, insya-Allah. no2. my life would be more systematic and no3. so to prove that i have my own life too!

so what happened today?

Hari ni bangun pagi, rasa pening sebab semalam saja duduk lama lama bawah hujan masas tinggal sorang2 kat rumah dengan niat nak demam so tak payah pergi sekolah. (ok, niat tu tak menjadi). sebab terpandang jadual waktu admaths 2 masa (tapi cg tak masuk pun sebab perhimpunan lama sangat). but still, chemistry was a blast! during the assembly, got this gastric (tapi Alhamdulillah, Allah masih bagi lagi saya kesihatan lepas tu). masa tu jugak kena marah dengan cg ezana (saya mintak maaf cikgu) sebab waktu tu tengah tanya kawan dapat PLKN ke tak... mind u at that time the prefects were supposed to line up the students. My bad. tapi cikgu baik lepas tu =) saya pun gembira.

so yeah i got to noe that a lot of people were chosen to go to PLKN and some of them were even excited. they say "nak dakwah..." i wish them the best of luck but i also do pray that they wont change towards something else. ameen! n then chemistry.... ha ha ha. ok it was totally weird because we have never seen tc norhayati like that before. she was just saying that to displace the ion it needs to be according to the electronegativity of the atom. and she was like resembling the atoms to people who wants to get married (im sure, ni topic favourite thaiybah dan hanisah.) kalau ada seorang perempuan ni, dia nak kahwin. lepas tu ada dua orang laki. sorang bawa motor, sorang bawa mercedes. mana satu akan perempuan itu pilih? (dalam hati, cinta sejati) lol. but yeah of course lah in chemstry the theory was to pick the guy with the mercedes (more electronegativity). sebab cikgu cakap... duit itu menjamin kebahagiaan. LOL. so in order for the atom to be happy, it chose the one with more electronegativity to be displaced with.

afterwards, whats more interesting was that i got to noe, Amalina and Amir have to go to PLKN, leaving Thaiyibah and Amar to train debate b.arab next year. and all sorts of things came out because yeah, we all noe that Thaiyibah and Amar couldnt get along (ye lah, masing masing pelik). Class went well today, alhamdulillah. Thank u to Azlyn, the one who is always patient with me when i asked her questions (sometimes i do think that its a simple and dumb question, but sorry cant help it). she helped me a lot again today. Allah bless you, my friend.

even though everyone is tensed up right now with trials and SPM, but we got each other. Alhamdulillah. and most importantly, we have Allah by our side. even though kena cubit td waktu bio sebab ummi saya kata waktu hari temu mesra "cg sai, kalau anak saya nakal saya bagi rotan.. buat lah apa apa pun janji anak saya jadi orang..", tapi saya tetap cakap Alhamdulillah. sebab cg sai cubit sayang. =)

ok agaknye ni dah banyak serotonin (hormone buat orang happy), sebab tulis pun mcm dalam bubbly mood je. ill get to the point now. ..... I wondered today, what was it like to wear purdah? do u feel safe? do u feel empowered by it? do u feel if someone asks u to do so it means that person loves u and wants to protect u? kena cuba dulu lah baru tahu kan..? I got to noe, after my Sijil Pelajaran Merepek is over, ill get a pure 9 months of Nothing and Idleness, because the gov wants to standardise the start of the new semester or something. 9 months in hand! i would have loved to be freed at that time! tapi semalam dah ada orang marah, so kena dengar cakap. *kidding.

I asked myself, what would i be doing for the 9 upcoming months? ya Allah, a lot of time to memorize the Quran, Alhamdulillah. the thought of it itself made me happy and content. Then, lepas SPM je pergi Sabah dengan budak budak kelas (jadi ke cikgu Salwa?). afterwards, i plan with Hanisah to apply for being a teacher, teaching those kids in primary and kindergarten level. tapi hanisah tak nak budak tadika, she said that those kids ramai yang buang air dalam seluar nanti kita yang kena bersihkan. lol banyak excuse betul. get a driving lisence, cuz me, Thaiyibah and cik Sabihah dan janji nak bermalam dengan adik-adik yang ku sayang waktu IIU interschool debating championship 2011 (i noe Raihan and the rest would make me so proud! ;p). and finally, of course i wouldnt want to miss having to debate. nak debate dengan cik Hayati, kakak saya yang tengah murung jugak macam saya sebab periksa dia susah. nak debate dengan my debate family. n i promise to myself that I would become better insya-Allah to train my little siblings who hasnt got to noe the reality of debatings yet. Ill be there for them, come hell or high water. Be strong, everyonne (that includes me). lepas tu, Hanisah nak pergi belajar memasak dan menjahit (which i didnt really noe why. i thought i alredy got an A in my Kemahiran Hidup). tapi teringin nak buat cream puff..

sometimes, berangan ni memang buat orang happy. tapi kita hanya merancang, Allah yang menentukan... Allah mungkin tarik balik diri kita yang memang menjadi milikNya bila-bila masa sahaja... Tubna ya Allah...

and lastly, Ustazah Marzilah came in our class and Alhamdulillah again, she made me realize a lot of things. she said to us "ramai pelajar maahad ni terasa terkongkong sekrang ni.." (Hmmpphh, ustzah macam psychic pulak). i want to push forward the thinking that menjadi seorang yang baik is not hard, tapi best! for the love that we have for Allah.... (oh Allah please do make me strong). setakat mana kita rasa terkongkong, kalau kita ada Ummi dan Abah yang sangat sayangkan kita.. dan rakan rakan yang sentiasa berada bersama kita... Hanisah kata sedara -sedara dia ada yang masuk madrasah dekat sri Petaling, pakai purdah lepas tu kalau ustaz masuk kelas datang mengajar pun kena di sebalik tabir. subhanallah... Wani boleh ke macam tu agaknya? ;p *muhasabah diri skejap.

yes, I was jealous of other people's lives. I thought I was insignificant. I thought I wasnt seen by the people around me. I was inferior and I wanted to prove something. Prove what?? I have my own world, with Allah. just have to bear that in mind.

the post is quite long. sorry people, i need to write my thoughts so i wont go crazy. balik sekolah dalam kereta saya cakap dengan ummi ; I felt like Im going crazy...

Ummi; No dear, because u have Allah, n u have me...

+ kudos to my twin. Wallahu a'alam.