Sunday, November 22, 2009

Reunion of SRAIntegrasi BBB

it brings back memory~!!! first of all, just to clear things off. this blog is not for the purpose of updating others about myself (though its open for everyone to read).it just happens that sometimes i need a moment of myself to write down things for the sake pleasure of, myself of course. when someone might think this is too emotional or skematikus asparagus, then just go to the right side of this screen and click on the RED square of X. aint it so easy ;p ..? apologies if any of these entries got clashed with ur thoughts.. etc.

back to this entry; Finally the long awaited Reunion of Sekolah Rendah Agama Integrasi Bandar Baru Bangi
p/s; thaiyibah, sile amik gambar di sini.malas nak update kat fs yehh. ;p

On the 21st of November 2009, i was still sitting absentmindedy on the bed, blinking my eyes just a few couple of hundred times and decided to have breakfast a little while later when Thaiyibah called and asked whether im setting foot on todays Reunion of 4 consecutive batches of SRAI BBB. i totally forgot about the big day! lol. the phone was passed to someone and i knew right after who it was with the familiar screamings and shoutings; it was one of the alumni committee members, ameerah! she told me to come no.matter.what.

one hour later, i arrived with a smile from Ustaz Othman as a welcoming gesture. though at the beginning i was quite reluctant to go because of some problems..., as i see back their familiar faces, my heart leaped with joy and said maybe i might as well have fun spending the rest of the day with them.

miah hugged me tightly til i barely get to breathe as soon as she meets me. i saw thobah from afar (shes tall, so its easy to spot ;p) getting ready to play netball with a bunch of kids. i met with hazureen, the maahad kids, fakhrina, the j3 and j2 kids and a bunch of cute unfamiliar juniors ;p
my presence was also welcomed by the nonsense-talking DJ (azam), though i cant get a single word out of him. lol. surprisingly, we all mocked at how tall Azam is now.

so we zoomed around the school., greeting every teachers passing by. sir Kamil, cg Sarlina, cg Syamsidar, cg Azian (whom until now stil afraid to stand beside me!)... and i heard ustzh Fariz was there as well. a lot of teachers couldnt really come cuz they have classes on saturday. ustz Fitri is now the guru besar for some school (bless u.), Umi Rohaizah is in Ampang...with her husband i guess. its just unfortunate that i didnt get to see the lovely cg Siti Asmah to say thanks to her for sending me back and forth to Amal Islami Hafazan since i was in standard 3. Thank you teachers.. they are mostly the reasons of me becoming who i am rite now. and i couldnt even think of how to repay them cuz it wont be enough even if i sacrifice myself just to say thanks. only Allah knows better of what greatness awaits them in the after math. Allahu yubarik hum.

across the othe field, we can see the boys gather around to have futsal matches. bleggh. since they are all so tall and different enough i couldnt recognise a single of them except for a few people who became my comrades when doing nasty stuff. Anwaruddin, geng letak gam atas kerusi orang. lol. Zaim! geng suke cari gaduh sebab masing masing cakap banyak. Hafiz, even though baru masuk darjah 6 dah kena buli mcm2 sampai nak nangis ;p. its just that a few other gangs didnt come. Arul, geng baik suke senyum. Arep, geng suke gelakkan orang lepas tu panggil orang Wano Busuk. Afiq, mangse kena letak gam atas kerusi. Aqil, geng dulu2 mak suke masak sedap2.

before going back home, we set foot in the classroom that we used to be in. 3 Abu Bakar, 3 Ali... 4 Ali, kelas berhantu...Bilik air ade nenek kebayan (ustz fariz assured us it was only the mops hair).. i really feel like turning back the time when i dont have to think of the life of a teen; kanak2 ribena seems fun, and everlasting ;p

its great to spend time with people in our past times. even though its only for a day, thanks to the committee members for making the day memorable to me. my friends have turned out to be great people, shameful for me even my juniors already memorized 8 juz in Mitip (cnie ke korang..?) ;p Thank you so much to all who have grown up with me. i couldnt see Afifah, Atiqah and Najwa (the closest friends). maybe they had errands to do that they didnt come. Thank you so much to teachers for wanting to tolerate our mischevious behaviours. and most importantly thank you to Thaiyibah for reminding me that there is reunion. ;p (love u!)

this is our memory. this is a part of me. lets not lose it. FOREVER.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Game Over.

Im sorry but u have been warned that this as a matter of fact will sound EMO.
i can still hear it even right now. Arifuddin with his serious profound voice;

"kak wani dah kalah"

yes wanie, game over. finally i could say that, though it seemed that the game is over LONG time ago. and i lost. everyone out there should be happy. for me, Nor Syazwani had finally raised the white flag.

not for long.

i was stricken by todays outgoings that yes, im not ashamed to say that i lost control of myself (u guess what happened). it was supposed to be the audition of F1. only that another unexpected event happened along the way. lets just keep it simple to say that i was too deeply hurt by the incident. i repeat; too deeply hurt. i didnt noe what went wrong. was i the one who caused it? is it because of me? what did i do? is it really painful just to see my existence in this world? (which leads me to think that i'll be able to leave this world in no time if He wants to, so dont worry. Allah noes best) i asked all sorts of questions that brainstormed my head in a blink of an eye that i couldnt cope up with it anymore....and finally, i QUIT.

i can still hear it again and again "kak wani dah kalah"

but still, Tolin said; kak wani quit 2 bulan, lepas tu tahun depan masuk balik.

ingat ni buat lawak ke??? (shakes head for Tolin, or rather suruh Arif ketuk die dengan botol)

i lost once. i.wont.lose.again. i just have to try my best to work things out with what i have right now, not with what i used to have or what i will have/. even though Jijul may leave next year, Arif too... or even raihan and the F3s. i dont noe what will happen next year, but i WILL make it happen with or without anybody.

i cant stop myself from thinking about those who will leave me (my strengths in debate). i thanked them today, Jijul Arif Kimi ArifF1 Tolin Raihan Laila Ulfah Madihah and Aisyah for giving me the strengths to fight against part of myself thats losing all of it. They made me smile, even if they only speak for Two minutes or 4 minutes in their speech... but i can see their determination. Thank you.

but just another part tells me that im not gonna be the same again. heartless, cold blooded, call whatever you want. Im sorry, but this time will do. ive had enough. part of me died the day you killed me (figure that out urself).

"Allah tidak akan menguji manusia lebih daripada apa yang mampu ditanggungnya. Dia lebih menyayangi hamba ciptaanNya ini lebih daripada kita menyayangi diri kita sendiri."

Game Over.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Some Things Just Have to End

In just two more days, my ridiculous and ludicrous final examinations will end. The final end that we are all waiting for. eventually,,,.. today will end by having the sun settling down. so to say, everything must have an end, agree?

Whether we like it or not, this year (2009) will end soon. nows already November. and SCHOOL will end in just two more weeks. lets talk specifically about this year since its already ending. for the past 15 years, ive been living in my own sweet moments and life that i was too gobsmacked to run through a change this year. in addition to the topic, when everything has its end, wheres the start?

it all started this year when my life ended up as a Form 3. lots of people say that this year ill get my honeymoon year (in what terms of honeymoon i dont noe). as far as i noe, this year has been a total crazy, bizarre and spectacular experience to be kept in this memory bank. from the start of school, some of my friends and i was upset not to get into the first class (hhmmpphh, mcm layak je). i was in the rebellious state towards the school from the beginning. acting like a girl and being one myself, all of us hurriedly put down our names at the best places in class (cop tmpat maing masing). just my luck, i got to sit beside a very freaky and weird guy. lol. apologies to the guy because somehow we (me and Syafinah) really really think ur very freaky. the eraser incident (only we noe), i think must ve been an accident. but that just made things worse. ha ha.

the subjects of F4 are tough. i couldnt get a thing of what the teachers say at first. Syafinah always sleep beside me, then amazingly she'll explain to me what the teacher has been teaching add maths in front. until,, sunny day ustazah Che Ainu asked me to recite the ayat quran for Syariah and a week later, i got this key towards the biggest change in my life, so far. she asked me to represent the school in Majlis Tilawah Quran for hafazan. i have only less than two weeks to memorize 8 surahs and yes, i even plan to give the chance to another friend of mine, thinking that i couldnt do it in just two weeks. at the same time, i realize that this was what my parents want after all. so under constant motivation from my mom, friends and teachers, alhamdulilah i passed the zone level with fresh lines from ustaz Solah "bacaan kamu ni macam peringkat kebangsaan lah."

its already in March, and another side of the story hasnt been told yet. under the influence or rather persuasion from Iman, i put myself into debate two years ago. when Iman said that she felt very awkward as the youngest there, she needed a friend and yep, thats me. as time goes by, i realize that the debate team itself is great enough without my presence. i was as should be said, just a companion to be with at the moment. but still, i learned a lot from how to open up ur mind into other people's perspective, how to speak and most importantly, how to put those things in a debate. unfortunately, this year was my rebellious year! i decided to back off from debate but ended up just to have Iman giving me long lectures about how i will do great in debate. yeah right. however, a week after the school break.. she too left me for her better future.

for those who do not noe, debate and hafazan are two different things. you cant compare it to hafazan and tilawah or debate and public speaking. not that i say i have to split myself into two, but thats how it looked like when i first decided to do both debate and hafazan. not to mention, my studies will be constantly being pushed forward and backwards in terms of prioratizing. Alhamdulillah, even for the first time in hafazan competition, i managed to see the Kebangsaan level for myself as ustaz Solah prescribed. and as for debate, even thought the journey wasnt as long as other debaters may be, i can now say that ive experienced many things in life that i could be proud of. and even though i got number 13 in monthly test recently, (never in my life exceeding number 10), ill just have to work harder to be balanced.

to cut things short, no need to noe the hardships and laughters.. all of this will be ending soon, along with the end of the year. how i keep ranting about the school's oddity, how i really stink in Chemistry, how i stayed back late just to practice debate, how i locked myself just to see how far can i memorize ayat quran in a day.... its all ending.strong friendships, or happy relationships with people, somehow will end when its time (maybe the time when we die). people say we shouldnt look behind and live with the past. but i cant help to think that if we cant remember the past,we will not be able to make a future (or its just my saying that i hate to think of the future).

when theres an ending, theres always a new start towards something new. this year needs to end, next year wil be the start of something new. whats next to come, i dont noe. what i can truly hope for is Allah never left my side to continue this journey.

unfinished journey;
"People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within" - Ramona L. Anderson