Thursday, August 27, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
now that i got my refreshing shower, my head started spinning the rightway! its D-day! i was told that there will be 4 rounds of debate today. only,, it happened to be 3. alhamdulillah! it wasnt that hard to wake Laila up. i guessed she felt the panick too rising because she was silent the whole morning. but honestly, to be able to be one of the speakers in debate at the age of 14, you should be honoured. i started this year as the 3rd speaker (mainly because there was no body else around) at the age of 16! for me it was very late.. and old. but not to blame anyone, im just not good in it.
so we went downstairs and found no signs of Kimi and Fakhry. and i thought we were late... i didnt manage to munch the burger that was sent to our room last nite around 3 am so basicly, i was starving. and i didnt even bring my gastric liqiud (not that its effective if i didnt eat anything). plus there was this one SRI Ayesha girl who puked out of sudden (maybe because she didnt eat last nite), one having cold and the rest didnt really feel good because they had late dinner last nite. ustaz Zaki handed me a few 50 notes and told me to get them breakfast at the cafeteria. ehhh,... erm.. 1) my communication skills suck when it comes to this part! 2) usually my dad would do the bills after i had breakfast at hotels so how do we pay again?? they were totally counting on me to get them breakfast and do the talking! it was awkward! but to cut things short, ALL of us got to eat without having to pay (initially, only two person per room could get to eat but the kakak let ALL of us in. bear in mind that there were 7 people per room. )
we rushed to the venue of debate and alhamdulillah, it was just about to start. we had to make 3 trips of Avanza to get to the venue (squished and crumpled and cramped up in the car; once in a lifetime experience). i could see the SMIH now, talking or rather discussing with each other. excited, panic, gelabah, call whatever u want. its all in one. like the feeling of having to sit for SPM but you didnt read anything! wanie + Laila = deadmeat; nervous gile! before we knew it, the theme popped up on the screen.
EDUCATION; ROOM 8: SMI al-Amin Bangi VS SMKA Maahad Hamidiah
we were the opposition and Laila will be having her first debate in a tournament! SMI al-Amin Bangi sounded nice too at first. because both of us came from Bangi. we took the lift to the highest level of the building and found an open rooftop with KLCC being the veiw and rooms to be shared! i remembered the first time meeting our opponents, there was this one big guy outshining his other team mates who were girls (kecik kecik aje). but size isnt the one that matters; i knew it long time ago. it the size of ur brain that counts!
by this time, i couldnt care less about all the nervousness because it took a TEAM to get here. and i already have my OWN TEAM; the one i picked, the one i would love to share the shed of tears of either victory or defeat. so the motion; THBT SCHOOL ATTENDENCE SHOULD BE VOLUNTARY. we had our quarantines outside the room looking at the sky whenever we were out of idea. whats odd is that in IIU, the 3o minutes given seemed too short to be true. but here, 30 minutes seemed to be more than enough (for this round). we finished buiding our cases in 15 minutes and as usual, i was quite most of the times because of the blankness. Laila kept switching papers because everytime she wrote down something, the paper would look untidy. Kimi helped by searching for every words of the motion in the dictionary. Fakhry started explaining the learning process in US (he always refer everything in US) while i would ask questions regarding the facts he gave us.
before starting our debate, we were introduced to the judge ( i cant remember the judge's name, sorry) but he was very cute (i meant his personality). he studied psychology in scottland and sounded very experienced. he said that we would all just have to try our best and let go of the nervousness. since were the opp, the gov's 1st speaker stood up and gave her speech. ahhh! how i miss having to hear this! only that now my hands are trembling to write down the rebuttals. LOL. the part that we were all waiting for; Laila's 1st speech! since Fakhry sat down in between and the space wasnt that wide, we didnt get to do the 'salam' thing. but we were all really proud of her for she has swipe away her fear and delivered what she remembered for 4 minutes. the gov's 2nd speaker was next and she too seemed very nervous and i think it must be one of her very 1st speech as well. that just gave Fakhry the opportunity to crush the gov's 1st and 2nd speaker. we said that students under 18 didnt have the right rationalities yet and there is greater factors that can influence their decision (laziness, not having to go with difficulties,etc). it all sounded well until the 3rd speaker of the gov's team stood up (yep the big guy). for once, i didnt like his tone and he spoke as if we were having a fight instead of a nice peace and harmony debate. bleghh. and when it came to my part, my hands were as cold as the ice. this is the moment; just face it and let bygones be bygones. LOL. with shaking voice, i continued the rationalities part and tried to sync the speech in any way i could. it was, just like in the IIU if i could still remember, making the same mistakes and not delivering it the right way. i was just relieved that i could finish up my 7 minutes speech but it felt awful for the rest. overall, we were partly influenced by the gov's way of debating; misleading us.
the outcome was even more surprising. we WON by a margin of 12! whats even more outrageous is that there is a tie for the best speaker; between me and Fakhry. ha ha ha ha ha ha. that part was unbelievable i almost wanted to point out my veiw to the judge saying that this guy beside me taught me practicallY EVERYTHING in debate. how could it be a tie? but in the end, the title went to Fakhry because the judge said that i looked nervous and his speech was more synchronized than mine. it didnt bother me at all instead it felt as if the right thing was done. the judge also gave us a piece of advice for each person; Laila needs to practice speaking more and overcome her nervousness. Fakhry needs to stop smiling for no reason during his speech and should be a bit more serious. LOL (if the judge knows how serious he is...) and i shouldnt rush into things and be more calm in delivering my point of veiws. the judge gave us a new spirit of debate, the one that we thought we lost during IIU. debate is teamwork, fun, generates funny ideas from ur brain with lots of embarrassing moments!
after the judge left us, we shake our hands with the gov team and i couldnt stop hugging and jumping with Laila in front of them. the gov must be pissed at how childish i was at that time. Fakhry even have to warn me not to melompat2 in front of others (there were teachers of SMI al-amin Bangi too.) but for me, the feeling of winning here is VERY DIFFERENT than winning in IIU (mind u, i didnt melompat2 when we won in IIU). it felt as if the whole team took part in the debate even thought Kimi didnt talk. it felt like each and every one of us should just smile crazily towards each other and say nothing but Alhamdulillah. it felt that we did our best for the sake of the team even though we did craps. it did not feel like winning, it felt like EVERYTHING ELSE except for winning. LOL.
at the main hall, Athirah suddenly poked me and said "a margin of 12?!" i didnt noe the margin was so big at that time and i thought she was lying. ha ha ha. the four of us then gathered around to have some recaps of the previous debate. we always take note of what the judge commented and improve on something. we promised each other that winning is not the key, its just trying our best. we came here to learn something, not to win. Kimi was thrilled for the next debate as we assumed that we will be the gov next. before we knew it, Kimi and Fakhry had to go for their Solat Jumaat while me and Laila went to the hotel's surau to perfom our Zohor prayers. we asked the guys to get us some food because we were so lazy to get out of the hotel's surau (it was very comfy and cold) and ended up troubling Fakhry to show us the cafeteria at the hospital ( i thought the cafeteria was in the hotel) cuz we were too embarrassed to eat the food at the main venue. Laila picked first (kuay teow) and i had to eat the chicken chop left. the thing is, the chicken was oily and since the eating is kinda late and my stomach already poured out lots of gastric juice, i was sure to vomit afterwards if i resume eating it. chicken chop later, Laila's kuay teow it is. LOL
with sleepy eyes and full stomach, i am ready for the next round of debate.
to be continued...
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Tam Tam (u can see that its all in black..) left me today with nothing. i sounded like i have just gone through a break up in relationship but its WORSE than that (not that i noe how does it feel to break up with someone.,.,,.). Tam Tam is in fact the only thing that i could focus on these last few months. he (well Tam Tam is jantan) is in fact the lemon of my heart, the durian of my soul.
he left me, for Allah's greater Love.
he had been infected by a fungal disease called sporotrichosis and had been suffering for almost three months. for those out there who havent been in this situation before, u couldnt imagine what it felt, loving and being loved by other creatures aside from human beings. their love is unconditionally blind. the feeling when he greeted me home as if he'd been waiting for me from the start (padahal baru balik menggatal dengan kucing sebelah), the sound of his different tones of meows, u could tell whether he's angry or hungry or even disappointed, the apologetic looks he gave when he did something wrong...or even the concerned looks he made as though he understands it perfectly from the beginning when i told him my problems.
at first, i thought that the bruises on his skin were normal because Tam Tam in real life is a very tough fighter. he acted as if he's the protector of the house; chasing and getting rid of every single cat that passes his territory except for his family circle. whats funny is that being a cat, he couldnt actually identify which one is in his family circle and which one isnt. sometimes we caught him chasing and bashing out his own mother and in the end we had to interfere and i was the one who would scold him and said "nak jadi anak derhaka???". day by day, i couldnt care less about his bruises getting redder and said to myself that the wounds would heal by themselves. that was mistake number one. i was so busy that i had to focus on hafazan, studies and debate (God knows why im so active this year. last year nobody wanted me) and eventually, i ignored him.
not long, i felt something was not right and i asked my mom to bring him to the vet. the vet was very friendly he instantly called Tam Tam 'sayang' after first hand meeting him. but along with that, he gave me a stern look while taking some sample out of his bruises to be checked under the microscope. in the end, it turned out to be grapy-shaped as confirmed by the vet, its not normal bruises but instead, its a fungal infection. right after that, the vet gave us two choices; either putting him to sleep or having the risk to be infected too by taking care of him. we were undecided. we had to put him there for a week because no body was around to give him the antidote (i was away, ihtifal SMKA). Thank you, doctor.. i know u took care of Tam Tam the right way.
i asked my mom to be considerate and questioned her on what term do we have the right to take the creature's life. so we kept him, with preventive measures taken and all (i had to wear masks and latex gloves to be in one meter radius from him). i could see that he appreciated the decision we decided on. and he tried his best too (he was the best patient ive ever treated. feeding him the antidote was always easy for me).
but in the end, it was too late. treating fungal disease is not as simple as u think. im not sure of how does it develop inside the body but later this time the fungus had infected his internal organs. his last few days were spent moewing at me at every chance he had. while i feed him with the antidote and put some cream over his ulcer, he didnt budge nor strike me the way he always did whenever someone got into his way. at times, his eyes were telling me that its time for me to let go. but other times his eyes begged me to do something so he could live a little while longer.
i did what i could, though it wasnt enough. i was with him till the end. and somehow, i know he wanted this to end. for he had been suffering too much keeping himself alive for my sake. for that, i am sorry. but u of all people made me realize that we cant just have our own way all the time, and its time i return Allah's possession that i once borrowed.
May Allah bless,
in memories; Tam Tam.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
another song from DBSK that caught up to me is crazy love. now, im a bit unclarified myself as to which part of the song attracted me. the lyrics was yes, CRAZY. mayb it was the beat. one sunny evening, i was crazily thinking about something (stressed) when i copied this song from my sister's Apple Mac again.. into my iPod Touch. i plugged the earphone into my ears and turn on to the highest volume (its not advisable to do this unless u r really, really, really stressed out. it may hurt your cochlea.)
so after a few days, i became like this. in love with DBSK as Kero would put it, 'wanie jiwang' . LOL. ohh and also not to disappoint Kero and Hani for enthusiastically telling me about Suju's Intimate Note, i watched it!! and it was hilarious. thx it made my day~! =)
TOHOSHINKI, doushite. enjoy~
Here's the script to the scenes:
[Girl]: Long time no see...
[Boy]: Long time no see. How are you doing, fine?
[Girl]: Hmm...(gets nervous to tell the truth)(song starts)(intermission)[Girl]: I...I will get married soon.
[Boy]: (feeling sad) Please be happy, okay?
[Girl]: (feels a bit shocked at his response, hesitant to say anything) Hmm. (walks away....turns around and says "Sayonara..." (meaning 'goodbye' in Japanese).
Friday, August 21, 2009
'Which is it, of the favours of your Lord, that ye deny?' surah Ar-Rahman.
i was about to angkat takbir when Hani came right behind me and slipped the news that made me dumbfounded for the rest of the day. i was told that Fakhry is positive influenze A and might be infected by the H1N1 virus (now the whole school knows about it.) My head went blank and for some reason tears streamed down without stopping even when i ordered them to stop. we were just talking to him the other day while having a debate practice and he looked fine (meaning fine here is sedap mata memandang.. but not the fact that he gets skinnier each day and batuk-batuk).
to cut things short, he is in fact, in pain. and the whole point of writing this for me is just that i have not one single idea of how to help him. the same goes when i couldnt help him help teacher Saniah. the same goes when i was so helpless seeing my cat in pain. ask me, what should i do? i cant even cry in front of my cat anymore because it will only hurt my cats feelings. things happened to be worse when these last few days i found out that the baby kittens caught up some cold (they keep on sneezing and having green mucus all over their nose). and when today i was cleaning up the cage for Tam Tam (the one who is sick, we call him that cuz he is all in black) i noticed another spot of boil which will eventually turn out to be chronic ulcer on his skin. the only thing that made me felt relieved was that to hear his deep voice meowing to me, asking for food. the pain is killing him slowly inside...i know.
oh Allah, i can only turn to You.
in this blessed month of Ramadhan, embrace yourself with lots of amalan amalan sunnat and most importantly, dont forget the fardhu ain..for you may not know how long will you live in this world. and for you may not taste the sweetness of Ramadhan again next year. Allah knows better of what He had determined for us. the world has been shaken by the health hazards and we Muslims still have the usually forgotten antidote; our prayers to Allah The Most Merciful.
i believe, Allah hears us all.
welcome Ramadhan, may we all be blessed. ameen.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
My juniors (Amira and Raihan) had to use their force against me as i was trying to back away from the decision i made 5 days ago; participating in the MUSLEH debate. Seriously, i called my mom to pick me up from school but instead, she scolded me by saying its the decision that i had to face the consequences from . she was against me debating after IIU but somehow, i managed to survive this time.
Upon arriving, my hands hurt badly plus all the great feelings i felt 5 days ago when i made the decision was somewhat gone. to keep myself calm, i calm the other person beside me whom i think was nervous too; Laila. i promised her that we were here not to win but to have some fun. even Fakhry assured us with that. so his mom checked us in and it was time to see the rooms. some guy picked up our bags and got into the lift before us. i could see everyone going in and before i knew it, i stopped Laila from going with them because the lift were already cramped up with people. the lift closed itself and me and Laila was staring at each other while thinking "what in the world should we do next?" when suddenly Fakhry called us and told us to head up level 9. Cing! another lift arrived and we were pretty excited to cruise this hotel by ourselves. Laila pushed the button "9" and the lift just wont go up. i tried a few times with all those "bismillah" but still, nothing happened. we tried EVERY SINGLE button that could be pushed but the farthest that we could go is level 3. okkk.... dont panick wanie! right now, you are the big sister. i bet Laila panicked too but we were just too cool to admit that. we went out to level 3 and tried another lift but the same thing happened. in fact, we tried all 4 lifts and it just wont let us to level 9!!! it was probably more than 5 minutes now. the last resort: i looked up to Laila helplessly while saying... " Laila, call Fakhry." then we started laughing like crazy! we were passing the phone to each other, refusing to call them and were wondering how would they react when they heard this. in the end, Laila called and Fakhry started giving instructions as if we never been in a lift before. "push the 'close' button, and then push '9'". poor Laila. i could hear them laughing from the other side but i couldnt help myself either! by now, i still couldnt stop laughing. so we just hung up and said to each other maybe Allah tak mengizinkan and then laugh again! suddenly, a lady went in the same lift with us and we saw what she did!! she put some card inside the card holder and then pressed the level she wanted. my mouth twitched with wicked smile and we pretended like we wanted to go to level 3. the truth; we so badly wanted to press the button '9' while the lady was putting the card in!!!! but then the lady sent us out to level 3 and we were pretty embarrassed because the lady said something like "budak budak ni, dh level 3 pun x sedar ke? berangan ape lah." it didnt matter cuz now we know!!! Laila called Fakhry again to inform him about the card needed and our laughs exploded again. so in the end, Fakhry came with the card in saviour!
in the room, we resumed laughing...plus coughing. the laughs were too much. but what caught our attention the most was the bed. it was so comfy and fluffy that we decided to test drive! we jumped up and down the bed while laughing crazily till we went dizzy and thats when we were told to go downstairs to have our early dinner. so having dinner with Fakhry's family was pretty numb to me. i always couldnt get along with the adults because eventually, i would end up embarrassing myself (either makanan tertumpah or anything...). worse, i still couldnt get my head straight and continued laughing with Laila. Laila didnt know what to eat after having to look at the menu because we werent used to having meals at hotels paid by somebody else. so i rushed her by ordering fish and chip for her and kuay teow for me plus two warm water. we eyed Fakhry and Arif and they ordered themselves some orangey water! not fair! soon, Laila's fish and chip arrived, and it was being served in a basket with no plates. gelak lagi! Laila thought i ordered the fish and chip for me so she refused to eat it while i said it was impossible for me to order two dishes at the same time...the fish and chip was ordered for you.. i didnt know Laila had some dislikes towards oily fish. sorry Laila! so i promised to share my kuay teow with her. Luckily, this one cute girl, Nadia helped us finished Laila's fish and chip (well she ate mostly the chips). we were pretty overjoyed by her presence. she wrote our names on a peice of napkin by secretly looking at our nametags on our tudung. she even spelled "syazwani" correctly. im impressed. i replied to her by writing "i <3 u" and she started writing "i <3 syazwani and Laila" many times while saying "crush" to me which meant she liked me or something? ha ha ha. it was pretty hilarious because a kid so young could have a crush on me. i wouldnt mind that since she was so cute. ha ha ha. Laila was pretty jealous cuz she wrote my long name a lot more than she wrote 'Laila' .
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
ohh ive been keeping this blog to myself for a long time and now suddenly i have the urge to write...gibberish??? ehehehehe.
whats been going on about?
firstly, yes im in the middle of my august test which isnt any surprise why im writing this instead of studying. cuz i dont study! uhh. that was a bit of understatement. i mean, i have lost my hope of studying for this test because too much has been happening and i couldnt catch up so,,.. here i am. but still, trying to unexpect the expeected (meaning that if i flunk out add mths, i will just smile and pretend like i got an A). ohh and how i hate bio! for even thinking that i would pass without studying. enough of exams. one more day left and im over it!
too much has been happening huh?
Laila was just talking to me about her mother's threatens (sounds like my mom too, laila). her mom said that if she failed B.arab for this test, she will have to stay away from debate. and if she fails B.arab for end-of-year exams, she will have to quit debate. QUIT? and she's in F2? no i wont allow that! so now i have to do classes with amira, laila and arif. LOL. but if that makes them happy, i'll help as much as i can.
one thing i have to agree with, my debate family has "changed" somehow.. one way or another, i cant deny it anymore .............