A kid and her immaturity

After having slight problems dealing with microbe (thats a medical subject btw), i decided to have a break by zooming around into my hard disk, selecting anything that would interest the mind.

came across King 2 Heart, the all-loved korean drama which was a breathtaking drama. haha. i cant believe im doing this again, wathing while putting a smile helplessly whenever the scenes humor my thoughts. afterwards, i watched the writing recap and the reviews made for that episode and thought, sigh..how long havent i been doing this kind of thing.

i remember back then when i was in early secondary education, i used to put up with myself being like this almost every night. without finding anything amusing to do, watching Kdrama and reading every reviews made were the daily routines.

I was a kid, amused by her own immaturity at that time.

and now, down the memory lane....again.

earlier today someone whom i respected did say i was known for my mature looks and perhaps, thinking. ill bear that in mind the next time my mind land on the memory lane again, being a kid and not knowing what should be prioritized in life. 

but then i thought, well thats what differs us from a kid. we are in fact, an adult, realizing each and every step that we take in life. knowing by right each moment we spent, wasted on things that shouldnt be taken into matter. 

indeed, i need a break from my life right now. rearranging everything now and then. sometimes i admit, theres the fall, theres the break, and yet theres also the sweetness, and the tears of joy out of strength, as i pull back myself out of the empty hole dragging me down. 

Alas, this is not a way, to get back up. this isnt the way, to waste the moments n time He has given me to be spent in this world. He hasnt created me to watch and tag along with other people's drama. i just hoped...someday, this kid will stop dreaming of other people's dream (inside the Kdrama) and start living and chasing her own dream. this time, a more Real dream. 

Allah. Love. Faith

p/s: anyhow, King 2 Heart was really a good drama. 

being lonely is an illness.

Dr Jaremka, a psychologist said: "Being lonely means not feeling connected or cared for, it's not about being physically alone.

"We need to find ways to help lonely people. Unfortunately we can't tell anyone to go out and find someone to love you. We need to create support networks."

.....

As if loneliness can be the silent killer like cancer..

Money Talk $$$

So many posts have I put them in drafts form, some were stories about how difficult life is, some were stories about how I flunked Mara standards and had to flew here to Jordan self-funded. Some others were about how frustrated I get with myself.

It wasn’t until yesterday that I decided, this post should be my own personal comeback post.

It was well, as stated above, about money talk.

Yesterday, i went shopping in Amman. Ohh for those who do not know, Amman is the capital of Jordan and I am currently studying in Irbid. Irbid is one hour-away from Amman. I always consider Amman as the modernized city while Irbid, well lets just say it’s a bit of kampong-like (if I have time I’ll tell you more about the place that I’m studying).

For me, shopping was always my getaway time. I told myself I needed to get out of Irbid for a while, seep in some fresh air. Maybe the stress out of upcoming exams. What’s odd is, well this time it happened that the items I bought weren’t for myself. It was rather gifts for my friends’ birthday.

I learnt two things just from going shopping yesterday, even though I did lose a bit of money. Ohh well, so much of an irony there. Lol.

1) anybody who knew me would be surprised with this turn out. I wasn’t usually the type to thoroughly think and be considerate about people around me, except for family. But then, it took me two hours to screen every inch of city mall to find what I wanted to give for my friends. I have to admit, that’s a bit of an improvement wani. *clap clap tangan sendiri. Finally digesting a bit what “think others before yourself meant” n I tell you, it needs training!

2) Ok here goes no 2, n yes this is the highlight part. After spending what seems to be my dad’s money (of course its not mine im not sponsored), I recalled one once-upon-a-time scene in Malaysia. This one day, my sister and I went to klcc to get some things in Sephora. So before going back, our mom ordered us to buy her some milk at cold storage. And heres what happened;

Inside cold storage, upon the entrance, usually there’s this row of breads, and pizzas and some juices over the counter right. There was this one family, a father and mother, and a little daughter. I heard them arguing as it was pretty loud. The daughter was very thirsty and she wanted to have some juice (dlm bahasa melayu “sedang merengek”). Based on their looks I guess it was their first time going to klcc (maybe bcuz at that time there was an expedition going on). They took quite some time to spot the place to buy the juice, and when they finally found it, the couple wondered how do they pay the juice and all. I overheard things more or less similar like “lets get our daughter one only, and non for us. jimat” although they too looked like they needed some drink (it was a hot day). And a brief moment later, they went to the paying counter and went out of cold storage.

It left me speechless for a moment. I didn’t know how to react. In my hands were the milks my mom ordered and a 50 ringgit note, ready to pay the things I wanted to buy there. I clearly didn’t have any problems if I wanted to add a few snickers bars as snacks for my journey back home in the car later. Nor do I have any problems paying few hundred bucks for our so-called “necessities” in Sephora back then. And Yet, the very moment I spent money care freely, other people couldn’t even get themselves drinks when they were thirsty, and can only afford to give their daughter that one glass of juice..

Money….of course it cant buy you happiness as the quote says, but Everyone needs money in this world. Its our tool of survival.

This very incident taught me that we need to reflect ourselves often. Appreciate what we have, and think of what others couldn’t have. Stay with the spirit of Qana3ah (sikap berpada-pada), and not be stingy or spendthrift. And most importantly, be Thankful. Even when you have enough money at the moment, or not, always be Thankful.

I recalled this ayat in my head, and in hopes that I could keep it dearly in my heart..

“And know that your possessions and your children are A TEST,and that with Allah is immense reward.." (al-anfal, 28)

-Maka lihatlah mereka yang berada di bawah kamu jika perkara tersebut adalah perkara duniawi, dan lihatlah mereka yang berada di atas kamu, jika perkara tersebut adalah perkara ukhrawi.."

KEMBALI.

Assalam. its been a while....... where should I start then?

this post isn't about other people, its about YOU

bismillahirrahmanirrahim..

i don't really noe how to make a title out of this post. because theres so many things going around inside my head that i dont noe which one to tell first~ this post isn't random, I've been meaning to update and improve my writing skills since forever, but i guess i just didn't have the right click inside my head or the push telling me to do so~

today alhamdulillah i learnt a lesson. a lesson that brought up some huge meaning for me.. i was told and asked by my twin, "have u ever think that ur destined to do more than this" and my answer was simple "of course, everyone thinks about that"

but then he said

"so then what do u do??"

i kept silent. that qs lingered in my head up till now.

with so many things thats happening around me, i feel like a total loss. towards myself. towards my friends. towards my surrounding. i feel like there were certain things that i let them go by flow so easily without trying to even do something about them. and with that, how in the world can i start thinking about "being destined to do more than this" when i don't even care to treat the smaller problems arising within me, within my surrounding?

two main things i would like to say in this post. hopefully by saying this i won't hurt the feelings of any party, although i intended to make my points clear here, insyaAllah. I'm a nobody, I'm a mere human being, I'm not some ulama' in fiqh, syariah, usuluddin, but I'm here to make my points clear as the servant of Allah. i do make mistakes, in fact i make mistakes everyday. and i tried as much to learn from them, knowing its HIM and only HIM that has the right to judge me, regardless of people saying anything about me.
the two things are
1) friendship/ukhuwah/hablum minan nas (hubungan dengan manusia)
2) ikhtilat

we'll go one by one, starting from "friendship"
~ ill bring about a hadeeth here: Riwayat bukhari : " tidak halal bagi seorang muslim tidak bertegur sapa (kerana gaduh) lebih dari tiga hari..yang lebih baik antara keduanya adalah yang memulakan salam" ( al-Bukhari) ... sorry its not in english, as i didn't find out thats in english. *but u should totally read this hadeeth at least three times in order to at least get a grasp of what its trying to point out generally.

my dearest lovable friends,
let us ask ourselves again, why in the world Allah created us in groups of people being called homo sapiens in the first place? its when we have a community, a group of people being together, we are actually in need of each other. theres a continuous DIRE NEED to be having some company with us anywhere and everywhere we go~ its just that sometimes we stop thinking right there.. we didn't really think why is it so important to be having company with us, and why is it so important to be keeping that company close to us...

first kita kena tahu apa niat kita untk bersahabat, untuk berukhuwah. its LILLAHI TA'ALA kan? we keep on saying uhibbuki fillah, saya sayang awak kerana Allah, tp adakah itu hanya mainan di bibir? saya rasa lebih bermakna kalau kita tak ucap perkataan tu but instead benda tu boleh nampak just dengan perlakuan kita.. even i myself, as i speak now, i dare not to say that i love my friends truly because of HIM, bcuz its only HIM who knows whats really inside our heart kan? of course its totally not wrong to be saying it, but its even better if we prove it with our actions.
that goes to my second point here, *apa gaya debate ni?? =__=' so what are the actions that can prove that we are friends with someone lillahi? islam has already given us the guidelines (rukun) towards berukhuwah. #1 salamatus sadri (bersangka baik) #2 tawazun (kesama rataan) #3 ithar (sanggup berkorban)... tapi kenapa ramai yang tak mahu ikut?

subhanallah, cantiknya islam bila islam itu dikira sebagai "the way of life"..~ come one, all of us are destined to do something more than just hurting ur friend's feelings whenever u feel mad or sad, or when u have problems. all of us are destined to do something more than just making ur friends terasa by writing nasty stuff about them in Facebook or blog, just because u feel like ur anger towards that person is worth publicizing it...! all of us are so destined to do something more than just repaying back to ur friends who hurt u in the same manner as what they did to u just because u feel that u have the right to do so! its our destiny, to be doing something more than that, because we are MUSLIMS.

orang mu'min itu bersaudara kan....
cherish our friends, love our friends, treat them the way the we want others to treat us, talk with gud manner with them, be there for them, be there with them! if we do something bad accidentally to them, ask for forgiveness... and don't be shy about it. n always be forgiving too~ barulah kita nak kata "mari same2 kita bergandingan ke syurga!"

"FORGET WHAT HURT YOU BUT NEVER FORGET WHAT IT TAUGHT YOU"

pernah terfikir tak, kenapa ada disebut hadeeth sebegitu di atas, kenapa Rasulullah sampai kata "tidak halal bg seorang muslim" utk tak bertegur sapa with ur friends. can u see how important it is to be treating ur friends the right way, to be looking after them and not hurting them?? sedangkan dalam perkahwinan, a very mutual n pure relationship between a man and a woman pun, boleh terjadinya perpisahan (cerai) even though Allah said itu adalah perkara Halal yg paling dibenci Allah. but Allah allows that to happen. instead, when it comes to ukhuwah, His messenger said "tidal halal" at all to be cutting off ties between friends..

i remembered this one event held in DQ, we had a program called "ukhuwah day" where all of the activities are based on friendship. the theme for the program was "ukhuwah is directly proportional to Eeman", and at the end of the day, i began wondering.. its really true~ u might ask this qs, if its directly proportional, then if ukhuwah kita lemah, maksudnye iman kte lemah ke? that answer can only be answered by YOU. lets see, bila kita sakitkan hati kawan2 kite? bile kite x stabil, bila kite diganggu emosi, bila kite rasa serabut.. what does this indicate??

i hope by writing this down I'm nor hurting any of my beloved friends. but again, i feel a need to say about this. bcuz i feel like theres something wrong going on around me.

oh Allah, jadikanlah kami dalam kalangan orang2 yang beriman..

part two about iktilat coming up insyaAllah~
this post isn't about other people. its about YOU.
THE END.

Turning Point.

dear friend,
Everyday is a turning point for me.....
and that goes to u too~

we see at how people define the word "turning point" so carelessly,
its when people say that when something peculiar happened to you, its a turning point.
and what's funnier, some people even define the word only when "someone" significant is/was present in your life.

turning point, apa ada pada dua kata itu?

in life, we don't follow the flow in the hopes to find something to prove to us that our lives r worth the while,
we SEIZE the moment, and CREATE the memories~
Rejoice with what we have now, never looking back and just walk straight along the road.

To be thinking what makes u deserve the life u have right at this moment, is something anyone shouldn't be thinking about, because its HIS PLAN!.
instead, bear in mind my love,
THIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING.
A beginning, to Your Everyday turning point.......
the Tests doesn't stop Here, my friend.
we have a long way to go.

the phrase "letting go", for me isn't a turning point.
its a form of repentance,
towards the mistakes that we made,
towards the mistakes that I made.
(but not all "letting go" is bad lah, cuma dlm context ni u get what i mean?) hahaha

i really wished to say about this longer, but I'm afraid ill babble out too much and go out of the topic.
i realized a lot of things yesterday,
which made me think a lot...
among us friends, we tend to have the thing called "trends", where everyone has their own fare share of stories to be told.
and when u don't really have one that is according to the "trends", u tend to think u lack of something

awak, tak perlukan trend! awak evergreeen! natural beauty! *ayat lawak.

ill end this post with my favorite quotes from a twin;
"Do not think of what Has Happened or what Will Happen, but what you can think of is How you make it Happen..."

scintillate*zenith~

Carta Hati~

seriously, sye x pandai masuk mood jiwang.
but i have to express this no.matter.what.

guys... uhibbukunna~

its a story depicted through the song "carta hati", lagu yg sume org pelik kenapa saya duk ulang banyak kali =='
XDXD

*pada hari bersejarah.

"engkau duduk di situ...
diam tersipu malu...
mahu mendekati aku (melalui sms)..."

"aku mulai resah,
hatiku jadi kebah...
melihat dirimu aku rebah (x dpt nak tahan from telling the truth)..."

"tapi hati ini, kuat menyatakan...
kau terkini duduk di carta hati.....(how hard i tried to avoid still wani rindu korangggg :'( ...)"

"tp perang kini bermula,
dr mata turun ke jiwa,
dr teman menjadi sepi...
tak ada lagi ketawa di hati...."

"sehidup semati kita....
menjanjikan bahagia (manisnya ukhuwah bersama korang),
utk kita semua selama-lamanya...(insyaAllah)"

ohhhhhh..*ni memang lagu die mcm ni...

"jangan engkau jangan pergi,
jangan tinggalku sendiri..
jangan, tinggalkan carta hati....."

"kau janjikan senyuman,
ku janji kau tak terluka...
teruslah berada di carta....hati kita"

"lalu cinta kita bermula (mula semula balik nak..?)
dr mata turun ke jiwa..
dr kawan menjadi teman,
dan berjanji utk setia (be there for each other).."

"sehidup semati kita, (ukhuwah fillah abadan ilal jannah)
menjanjikan bahagia...
utk kita semua, selama-lamanya......................"

~the end.

sorry guys, this week had been really tough for me. I'm sorry. I've always wanted to say this. i wasn't myself, expecting more from people without even giving back. and eventually hurt myself. this friendship, still has a long way to go. sometimes we'll face bumpy roads, sometimes we'll have a straight highway. but in the end, I'm dead sure the journey will be worthwhile. in the end, i WANT this to be worthwhile, and hopefully while we struggle through the journey He will be there to guide us along and bestow upon us HIS BLESSINGS.

ukhuwah itu....manis bila ada kamu.
walaupun masam dan kelat seperti buah mangga manis yang kadangnya kelat sebab belum masak lagi,
tp masih manisnya terasa.
i aint a sweet talker.
takd glucose pun.
but i'd rather tell the truth, rather than be blinded by the lies.

wani rindu korang.........





*nnt wani dtg buat kacau dkt rumah korang XDXDXD

interviews...?

Salam and greetings.

this post is for the dearest juniors. although I'm not sure if this can do any help much.. as our experiences r the same not.

ok so, it happened that i was told to tell a story about how it all turned out to be here, the place where I'm currently studying at.
I'm currently studying, by His will, in unikl mestech (institute of medical sc and technology if I'm not mistaken), doing prep/foundation to further study in jordan, insyaAllah. jordan, as in JUST (jordan university of science and technology).

so how did i get here?

turns out after spm, u need to fill in some forms in...(a link will be b provided in advertisements in the newspaper). so u go there and u choose either MARA/JPA. although i was notified that there will b no more JPA scholarships for this year. their policy changed for some reason (most probably because they r lacking money). so the path which i clicked on, it was MARA as i wasn't confident with the result that i had. of course before u can even start showing off ur talent in the interviews u firstly need to qualify urself to the interviews with ur result. so there, i chose MARA. and when u fill in the forms, there will be a section when u have to choose basically the place that u wish to study. again, uncertain of my results i chose medicine timur tengah (although i really wished i would have clicked non timur tengah and go study abroad in UK or something. but nnt takut kena campak dekat india and indonesia pulak... ==)

fast forward a few billion months, alhamdulillah got an sms from mara saying that i need to attend myself at the MARA office in shah alam on certain days. my experience, that day also happened to be my exam day in Darul Quran! and after a few call to the MARA HQ they said that if u can't attend on that day then there was nothing else that they could do~ ==

so i spoke to the person in charge in DQ pulak, saying that i needed to save my future and attend the interviews. lol. and alhamdulillah, Allah cleared my way, and made it easy at last. i was to sit for the exam in the morning at quickly rushed myself to shah alam for the interview in the afternoon/petang.

upon arriving, had a few complications because they said that my name was in the morning session and they thought that i didn't attend the interview. but at last, they still gave me some form to fill up, and year subhanallah! its time for interview!
mind u, before u go for the interview u still need to fill up some forms and they will ask u again which place do u think u prefer to study. some people say they actually look at the choice in the form that u fill up, not the one in the online form. so at that time i thought that i wanna go to aussie at least, so i put aussie instead of timur tengah. alas, Allah noes better of what He has for me.

so my interview session was the last session for the day, and i was like so nervous because everyone else had gone back and finished their interviews, only left a few more people like me. we have 6 people in the group at that time, 3 boys and 3 girls. and i made friends with one of the girls whom happened to get UPU UM kott, which was like superb. her results were great, all A+ except for her english. and i thought that,,.perghh habis lah aku nnt! but never mind, just do ur best.

so fast forward another billion months, alhamdulillah i managed to get the scholarship! subhanallah...it was when my house was robbed that we got the news. and Allah really noes best of what He has for me, for us... His servants.

so this program I'm in, its like a twinning program but aint one. this is the 3rd batch that MARA is offering to do this. instead of going to INTEC for three months then straight away go to jordan to start ur first year there, we are to stay here and do our first year here. since the first year of medicine according to jordan's scheme of study is kinda like foundation, so they think that maybe its better to study here first. as u noe, there r like 800 students doing medicine in JUST so u may not get used to the overpopulation and ur studies might get bumpy there.

so this program, for medicine = 1 year here and the next 5 years there. n ill be graduating under JUST, takd beza whatsoever than the people dr INTEC then straightaway go to jordan. and for dentistry pulak, 1 year here and 4 years there in jordan.

although u need to get 3.5 CGPA if u wanna go to jordan.. bear in mind that.

so i guess thats it. any inquiries Arifuddin, do ask me. haha! penat ahh tulis niiii! =)

the end.

19 me~!

pre-birthday post.

subhanallah....im 19!! *tue kottt.

dearest Family, really really really am missing u guys . in a whole bunch!
T___T
i wish my family can somehow reunite and dr sana sini and come here to spend time together and just laugh our hearts out~


*the smiles aren't fake, I'm definitely sure! favorite pic of the day, love u sis! bettaufiq wannajah lil imtihan~

done.

Pfffttttt.

I still want to Believe,!
but then maybe we turn of belief to the wrong place.

new sem already started. kalau nak cerita kena ada 10 kertas kajang
ok, itu hiperbola.
tp rasa otak perlu ditebar ke 10 kertas kajang untuk memampatkan segala benda bagaii
or even more

went to hospital td, got a glimpse of jabatan emergensi (dalam english emergency department)
masyaAllah...hati ini tertanya, betul ke aku nak jadi doktor ni?
tengok tempat tu penuh kesedihan,
recalled; green,yellow and red zone.
red zone means ur dead huh?

(...) titik tiga...

then perg ward 6E, its for strok people. lalu sekali ward pediatric.
sayu.
hospital is really not a happy place nowadays.

looking at the absurd side,
pergi ground level,
hectic!
macam pasar..orang amek ubat, orang amek darah, klinik ortopedik paling sesak, bersebelahan klinik sakit biasa.
n out of sudden, dekat lobby hospital tampat general counter information tu,
ada stall tiba2 didirikan
mula2 nampak kt tepi tu org jual milo and dadih..
boleh tahan lg,
sekali perg dekat tengah2 tu..yg bnyk orang perempuan kerumun,
ada orang jual emas =__________________________________=
speechless. nak gelak pun rasa tak kena.

hahaha!

(...) titik tiga...

sorry people for the absurdness

p/s: sorry and thank u r both very gud words....

cordial

cordial itu seorang kawan. A friend. cordial perisa anggur.

dearest you,
I'm sorry I'm not a good friend.
I'm sorry i kept silent when you needed a say.
I'm sorry i laughed when u needed it to be silent.
I'm sorry, that i was just simply being ignorant.

i wonder to myself if this is some kinda payback.

No, its not!

I'm just afraid to get closer.
im afraid to stir the calmness we both had.
im afraid, to relive the past.

dearest you,
find Him to pour out everything.

alas, im not to the one with the helping hand to help you in this.

please know,
i truly understand what you are feeling,
the bursting side of you, the pain,
of being torn apart inside and out..
i understand.

but dearest you,
im tired of that.
i feel like shouting at you "GROW UP!"
for that, I'm sorry again.

i hope you find your way back soon,
because i can't wait to see you standing up on your two feet,
while smiling towards me the smile you always had,
and say

"I'M BACK..."

a story~

"ustaz, ana dah ambil keputusan untuk berhenti menghafal quran"

tersentak ustz-ustz dan ustazah yang berada di dalam Jabatan Quran mendengar kenyataan yang keluar dari mulut Hafiz.

"ustaz nak tanya kenapa enta cakap mcm tu..?"soal guru tasmi' hafiz yang kini duduk berhadapan dengan Hafiz

"ustaz, ana rasa tak mampu dah nak teruskan menghafal dengan cara mcm ni. hari2 ana stress, yg paling teruknya stress dengan Quran. orang lain dekat luar tu ustaz, kalau depa stress lah depa cari Quran. ana sebab mengadap Quran tiap2 hari ana jadi stress. ana rasa kalau ana habiskan Quran ni pun belum tentu ana akan adil dengan hafalan ana. bila ana fikir mcm tu lagi lah ana stress ustaz!" terang Hafiz panjang lebar.

"enta tak ingat ke harapan mak ayah enta yang ingin lihat anak sulungnya menghafal Quran? enta tak terkenang ke kenapa mak ayah enta bagi nama Hafiz pada enta?" ustz itu terus terusan menanya. Hafiz ni bukan tak boleh buat, dia saja yang kurang yakin pd diri sendiri.

"ahh, ustaz.. itu dulu. ayah ana bagi nama itu bukan ada apa2. lagipun maksud Hafiz tu menjaga, tiada kaitan dengan menghafal Quran. lagipun waktu mula2 masuk sini, ana rasa ana terikut2 dengan program motivasi yang disediakan. haluan siswa lah, mafatih mahabbah lah... semua tu lakonan lah ustaz! ana dah tanya dah senior2, mereka semua memang pandai berlakon.."

Astaghfirullah... budak ni, aku hilang sabar jugak nnt. kata ustaz dalam hati.

"takpe Hafiz, enta balik dulu. ana nak enta fikirkan balik kata2 enta pd ana. dan fikirkan semula reaksi mak ayah enta kalau mereka dengar enta cakap begini. ana rasa enta emosi sekarang dengan keputusan imtihan sem 1 yang baru keluar. walaupun ana tengok enta boleh je, siap dapat 3.5.. mungkin general general syaitan dekat DQ ni sedang bekerja kuat nak mematahkan semangat enta yg tinggi, yg ana pernah lihat suatu masa dulu. gaya enta cakap dengan ana ni, mcm enta sedang beritahu ana yang Allah itu zalim kerana meletakkan enta di sini, betul?"

Hafiz pula yang tersentak. dia tunduk menghadap lantai

ustz kemudian menyambung
" enta sendiri tak berani nak bersuara bila ana dah ckp mcm tu kan.. ana bukan nak marah enta hafiz. enta budak cemerlang malah ana yakin enta mampu memikul amanah Allah ini utk menghafal. jangan memperlekehkan diri sendiri hafiz. enta ada Allah, mak ayah, sahabat2 dekat sini yang sentiasa mendoakan enta. akal kita bila berfikir mesti didorong oleh hati, mulut bila berkata-kata mest didorong dengan hati. dan hati yang mendorong itu mestilah bersih. bagaimana lagi enta nak bersihkan hati enta kalau bukan dengan Quran...?"

"ana minta maaf ustaz. mungkin ana terlalu stress..."

"enta balik dulu asrama ye, enta fikirkan semula. nah ustaz pulangkan kembali surat berhenti enta ni. ana tak boleh terima surat ni selagi enta tak betul2 bagi alasan yang kukuh.. enta dah juzu' berapa skrg ni?"

"juz 16, nak masuk surah taha" balas Hafiz perlahan sambil tertunduk.

"ahsanta. enta teruskan menghafal dulu. hayatilah maksud surah taha tu..........Assalamualaikum"

*****

Hafiz berjalan mundar mandir di sekitar kafe. perutnya terasa lapar, namun hatinya tidak tenang. di tangannya masih tersemat surat yang ustz Safwan pulangkan.

setelah beberapa ketika hafiz membuat keputusan untuk pulang sahaja ke asrama utk bersiap sedia ke masjid bg menunaikan solat zohor berjemaah.

sampai di hadapan pintu bilik hafiz, terselit sekeping nota kecil berwarna kuning di celah pintu. Hafiz kenal tulisan itu,.. itu tulisan akh marwan. akh marwan, abang sem 6 yang selalu tersenyum kepadanya walaupun die yakin akh marwan tidak begitu mengenalinya. hafiz menarik nota kecil itu dan membacanya.

"jangan cuba dikawal arah taufan,
tetapi kawallah layar kehidupan,
tak perlu diukur dalamnya lautan,
tapi panjangkanlah kail yang sejengkal."

hafiz mendengus. amboii akh ni, mcm ada telepathy je. mcm tau2 je masalah aku nak berhenti hafal Quran. alah, akh memang suka dengan bahasa jiwang sastera dia. tak habis2 nak berpantun, bersajak.

Hafiz merenyuk nota kecil itu dan menyimpannya di dalam pencil case. malas aku nak layan akh ni, skrg aku ada masalah yg lebih besar, desis hati hafiz. namun hati kecil nya sedikit sebanyak...tersentuh dengan kata-kata akh marwan.

"ALLAHUAKBAR, ALLAHUAKBAR!" -Azan zuhur berkumandang.

Hafiz bergegas mengambil wudhu' dan segera membonceng basikalnya ke masjid DQ untuk menunaikan solat berjemaah.

"Allahuakbar......(Allah Maha Besar)" dan seisi warga DQ mengangkat Takbir.

**** 2bcont

Engaged~!

Alhamdulillah, today the engagement of k.sarah and aqil went well~! yeppieee!


the formal talking didn't last for too long anyway, and it was great! we all had a laugh as soon as my dad started the pantun. and the funny part was pihak perempuan tak siapkan pantun pun! bt the spokesperson for the girls side was much calmer than my dad, macam orang sastera je nampak gaya. sorry lah ye, my dad orang economy. we speak statistics~ heeee.

k. sarah was gorgeous of course. we were excited jugak lah because dah lama tak perg orang bertunang. and seeing how happy she is made me smile. I've always have this warm feeling inside when it comes to family event or anything that concerns family. so here r some of the pics taken as promised. cc: nuha, hafizah.. hehe.


*nervous nak masuk rumah with hantaran,br sampai.


*the bride's side of hantaran


* dad starting the pantun. amboii banyak betul pantun~ siapa lah yg buatkannn


*k.sarah, as gorgeous as ever~ =)


*makngah nak perg sarung cincin dah.


*us cousins.


*our parents pulak bergambar


*dah bertukar dulang dh, ready to go home


*n lastly, snap lah gambar sendiri since photographer takd orang nak amekkan gamba.. ;)

all in all, HUGE thanks to Arifuddin, Izzati, Hafizah and Nuha for helping me sooo much with the engagement. though it isn't my engagement or something, bt it means a lot! jazakumullahu khairal jaza'. korang boleh jd engagement planner lah! nnt sape2 lg tunang boleh buat team planner ;) heee~

this is to end this post, may u all be blessed. we can't wait for the wedding~!


*aqil, to-be-groom takd unfortunately. he's off to china working, and adding up his savings for the maskawen~ ;)

The End.

p/s: cik pengubat hati..


heeee~

What is to Understand

tak terasa nak menulis. terasa nak melakar dalam minda.
most of the memories r recent, and what is to understand here is that u might find it not understandable.


*cnt believe i once read this gothic book and now its coming back to me >< JTHM


*cik pengubat hati, sometimes saya rasa rupa awak macam ni.. ;)


*its the new passion of keeping the memories

and lastly..


*its not like i planned it this Way!
**credits to sarah's book. hey, i miss u buddy~

Done.

Blackouts

alaykumussalam.



i was sitting in my room alone with an unsettled feeling while suddenly thinking, it was long ago since the last time our house had blackouts. the last time as far as i remembered, it was before my spm. that nite it was all hectic here, i had some addmths work to finish, but there were no signs of any proper light the whole nite, only lit-up candles and flashlights from handphones lighted us up. we were to put up with the dark til 3am in the morning. and by that time, no point switching on the lights anyway since everybody was asleep. hehh

but this story isn't about how TNB cut off our electricity to fix something in the middle of the night. its about how all of us realized at that time that we are in need of each other to feel safe when we had to face the dark. starting from the cats, my mom, my dad, and us siblings.. as soon as the light went out, the cats were the first one to relax and calm down, and of course being the last child i was the last one to stop panicking! i remembered at that time i was in the bathroom alone, in my room which is situated at the farthest sight at the back of the house upstairs. pap! and i went screaminnnggg AAAAA til my sister came to fetch me from the bathroom with a flashlight.

the whole family gathered in a room downstairs. it was basically the coolest room inside the house since the ceiling is quite high which allowed pretty good air ventilation. there, we made circles, tell each other stories...and just went on talking for the rest of the night while i tried my hardest to finish the homework. and i realized at that point, we didn't need light after all. we were all lighting each other with our own warmth, we feel safe and secured just by having each other.

i felt the warmth again this year, when it wasn't as dark as it was. there wasn't any blackouts. but our hearts were simply blackened out, emptied and we stayed with each other, get back up again. we came back from performing our umrah when we got the news that our house was robbed. everybody was traumatized, even my dad who is simply the calmest person there. the blissfulness and happiness that we got after performing our umrah in tanah haramain simply vanished the moment we opened the main door of our house. the mess, the smell of those despicable strangers lingered in the house, making us suffocate. my sister couldn't stop crying, and i never could erase that memory when i hugged her tightly and whisper the word "astaghfirullahaladzim.." to her ears. the fear and trauma was so strong that none of us could bear to enter our parents room, up until now.

and now as I'm dealing with this unsettled feeling, i wonder...we experienced the blackouts TNB always gave us but when we have a heart blackout, to whom should we turn to? to whom should we plead to? to whom should we scream to the top of our lungs saying that we need help?

HIM...

after the incident, we thought that this test meant us to become stronger and yes, Alhamdulillah we felt that way. as we perform solat jemaah together, and plead to Allah to help us calm our hearts..i could feel that the bond we have was stronger than ever. and oddly, i was reminded of that strong bond tonite.. dearest family, my heart is in need of help. its getting out of light and soon it might just went blackout. within seconds, just like how the lights went out because of the absence of electricity.

i wish..you were here.

The weapons of the Devil.

salam and greetings.

*i wonder why did i put the devil as Capital in the title above.
**mayb because its a form of emphasis that we should all be careful?
*** but its definite, i put you as capital NOT BECAUSE YOU ARE GREAT!

-syndrome orang berperang dengan hati: berkata-kata dengan diri sendiri.

since i haven't been writing, to prevent myself from writing gibberish, I've decided to start this new season of writing by writing something beneficial that i read from a book. (yes, theres too many 'writing' in the sentence, i noe)

for those who r lucky enough to find this blog and lucky enough to have the free time to read this, may we all benefit from it, insyaAllah =)

This is basically the weapons used by the devil to make us lead the wrong path and become astray. In order to become a better muslim (insyaAllah), we need to identify the devil's devious ways to make us astray. so according to Imam Ghazali, among the devil's weapons are as follows:

1. Anger
2. Lust
3. Greed and Envy
4. Satiation with Food
5. Love of adornments and properties
6. Over dependence on humans
7. Recklessness and impetuousness
8. Love for dinar, dirham and gold (money)
9. Stingyness and miserlynes
10. Fanaticism to one's own sect and group.
11. Thinking about the substance, nature and the acts of God, without the necessary knowledge.
12. Distrust of other Muslims.

erm,,.. honestly. yang list dekat atas tu pun mcm dah ade problem. especially no.1 eyy? Astaghfirullah..
hope it helps in any way if ur undergoing some muhasabah phase here~

;) hati.

speechless

kenapa hati tak tenang ni.....???

kyaaaa!!!!

Allahuakbar~

Someone Like You

Errr, sedang di dalam fatrah exam..tp hati menerawang dekat tempat lain..apakah??

recently I've been playing the song by adele, someone like you banyak banyak banyak kali.
n i wondered why.
lagu ni orang kata untuk mereka yang frust putus cinta. -saya tak frust putus cinta. saya frust study adalah.
lagu ni jugak katanya bagi mereka yang sedang sakit menanggung perpisahan. -errr?? no comment

but come to think of it kan, the lyrics..mcm pelik!

"never mind ill find someone like you..
i wish nothing but the best for you too..
don't forget me, I beg,..
i remember you said...
sometimes it lasts in love, and sometimes it hurts instead..."

errr, ill find someone like you?! tak mungkin kot..mane lah nak same manusia2 dalam dunia ni.
tak payah cakap in lovey-dovey relationship, kalau kawan baik kita pun.. kalau gaduh and at the end of the day we break the relationship, and a few months after that jumpa dengan kawan baik baru, its still aint the same right?
memang namanya kwn baik jugak, but deep down, u noe that u only emptied the place, but you do not fill up the place with someone new. there is no replacement over that place..you only Make Up room for another place untuk best friend baru tu.

mujahadah itu pahit, always kena remember that.
and take note too, i can never find someone like You..

Thank you Allah, for making me see the lighted path.
sakit ke,pahit ke, kena telan jugak kan?

Sang Perindu

Allah.................

syahdunya malam ni.

Allhurabbi...rindu ni tak dapat nak ditahan.
rindu hendak menangis di sisiMu,
rindu hendak tersenyum dan ketawa di sisiMu,
rindu hendak berdamping denganMu,
rindu hendak berkata-kata denganMu,
rindu hendak sujud menghadapMu,

ya Allah...aku hamba yang kerdil,

selayakkah aku untuk menangis di sisiMu? untuk ketawa dan tersenyum keranaMu? untuk berkata-kata denganMu?

tapi siapa aku tanpaMu ya Rabbi?

siapa aku untuk tidak mengadu padaMu?
siapa aku untuk tidak ingin memohon sesuatu daripadaMu?
siapa aku.........

Mujahadah itu pahit..

Long Distance Relationship.

Salam and happy eid adha!

*mesti sedap makan daging Qurban kan? yg penting tulang2 tu jangan lupa tanam ye..

now, often we relate the title above with some girl-boy relationship. whether or not they are tied with marriage,engagement or not tied at all is subjective and depends on a person's point of view as to how he/she defines the term "relationship". only that i think personally, if the relationship isn't tied properly according to syar'ie, then why should we call it "relationship" in the first place ehh? ok, dah out of topic dah. as i was saying, people often see the term "long-distance" only happening in "boy-girl"/"pakwe-makwe"/"husband-wife" relationship. but then, i came to think, its quite the same with the relationship u have with ur close friends huh?

i recently realized how important it is to have a close friend with u by ur side....

i have a few close friends whom aren't really there all the time with me, and i have to admit its quite hard living without them by my side. i do not wish to call them "best" friends as the word describes specific meaning which also mean that i'll be judging my other "non-best" friends if i use that word. bt anyway... bcuz of them not being with me the whole time, i wld categorize myself as to having some long-distance relationship.

whats so hard with the relationship?

its when u needed them the most and that moment u happened to be so busy to tell them everything u faced in a single phone call or text messages. just to make u feel better, of course u wld contact them and sort of ask "apa khabar?" or just randomly shout out their names and send them lovey-dovey sms.. but when u really want to get serious about telling them ur problems, suddenly it kinda fade away, and suddenly tiba2 pulak u don't have time to talk to them.

because this long distance relationship involves two people, its not just you that u should be thinking about. its also orang lagi satu yang entah dekat mana tu. on ur side, u might b having some serious problems that u think u want to kill ur self this instant but who noes...maybe on the other side that person is thinking the same thing, and he/she might just be too busy as well to cope up with their own life. see how complicated things can get?

and its not like you can text/fb/call ur friend every day to share with him/her about ur everyday life..as both aren't facing the same thing in their everyday life kan? u might be pissed off with chemistry right now but the other person might be pissed off bcuz of law101 subject. and even if u have time to tell her all your problems, he/she wouldn't really get what u mean and how u feel compared to the people around u who saw u fall and get back up again.

im not saying because of these difficulties, we should all end our long-distance relationship with our close friends. I'm just saying because of all these difficulties, we shld appreciate them more and also start making ourselves strong enough to handle our own problems everyday even without them. after all, we have Allah who will never be far away from us right?.. and we can't blame them for not understanding us anymore when we tell them a problem and he/she replied differently from what we expected. well, he/she IS NOT THERE PUN KANN.

just bear in mind, that even though u guys are far apart, it doesn't mean that u are his/her past and isn't significant any longer. we just have to take things differently now. allowing ourselves to learn more about life on our own, and also allowing them to do that too. but at the end of the day, in our heart...we will always be friends forever, and love each other till the end.. =)

Allah.Love.Unity.

p/s: dedicated to my close friends whom are far away from me. i love you guys and may Allah bless our friendship.. =)