Blackouts

alaykumussalam.



i was sitting in my room alone with an unsettled feeling while suddenly thinking, it was long ago since the last time our house had blackouts. the last time as far as i remembered, it was before my spm. that nite it was all hectic here, i had some addmths work to finish, but there were no signs of any proper light the whole nite, only lit-up candles and flashlights from handphones lighted us up. we were to put up with the dark til 3am in the morning. and by that time, no point switching on the lights anyway since everybody was asleep. hehh

but this story isn't about how TNB cut off our electricity to fix something in the middle of the night. its about how all of us realized at that time that we are in need of each other to feel safe when we had to face the dark. starting from the cats, my mom, my dad, and us siblings.. as soon as the light went out, the cats were the first one to relax and calm down, and of course being the last child i was the last one to stop panicking! i remembered at that time i was in the bathroom alone, in my room which is situated at the farthest sight at the back of the house upstairs. pap! and i went screaminnnggg AAAAA til my sister came to fetch me from the bathroom with a flashlight.

the whole family gathered in a room downstairs. it was basically the coolest room inside the house since the ceiling is quite high which allowed pretty good air ventilation. there, we made circles, tell each other stories...and just went on talking for the rest of the night while i tried my hardest to finish the homework. and i realized at that point, we didn't need light after all. we were all lighting each other with our own warmth, we feel safe and secured just by having each other.

i felt the warmth again this year, when it wasn't as dark as it was. there wasn't any blackouts. but our hearts were simply blackened out, emptied and we stayed with each other, get back up again. we came back from performing our umrah when we got the news that our house was robbed. everybody was traumatized, even my dad who is simply the calmest person there. the blissfulness and happiness that we got after performing our umrah in tanah haramain simply vanished the moment we opened the main door of our house. the mess, the smell of those despicable strangers lingered in the house, making us suffocate. my sister couldn't stop crying, and i never could erase that memory when i hugged her tightly and whisper the word "astaghfirullahaladzim.." to her ears. the fear and trauma was so strong that none of us could bear to enter our parents room, up until now.

and now as I'm dealing with this unsettled feeling, i wonder...we experienced the blackouts TNB always gave us but when we have a heart blackout, to whom should we turn to? to whom should we plead to? to whom should we scream to the top of our lungs saying that we need help?

HIM...

after the incident, we thought that this test meant us to become stronger and yes, Alhamdulillah we felt that way. as we perform solat jemaah together, and plead to Allah to help us calm our hearts..i could feel that the bond we have was stronger than ever. and oddly, i was reminded of that strong bond tonite.. dearest family, my heart is in need of help. its getting out of light and soon it might just went blackout. within seconds, just like how the lights went out because of the absence of electricity.

i wish..you were here.