what have become of us

this post is a question mark.

i wish to b happy. cliche kot. which is worse, praising urself for something u longed but u dont try n get it, or simply letting urself fall in the dark?

wani mcm berpantun pulak.

goodbye world

Dreams

wani dreamt of wearing a white coat. soon.

dream high, achieve higher.

scintillate zenith.

credits to My Creator, for lending me this life. ...

I miss Debating

salam. terkejut ehh dengan title of this post?

i happened to go to my home dkt facebook when suddenly i saw picture of fattah, kamalia and iman debating in musleh. and my next reaction was unexpected, even for me.

I smiled.

and then i thought, woahhh. how i missed debating. and by debating it doesnt mean u go to debate competitions or wat debate means in the dictionary. its My own definition of debating. and yes, i missed it. (i have to swallow hard to say these words).

i remember, exactly the perfect scenes in my head. how my debate team and i entered debate in musleh 2009. it was a mere of a coincidence. my debate team leader, fakhry at that time called musleh people to register for his moms school, sri ayesha. and aftr some talk the ustaz whom he phoned accidentally thought tat he was registering smka maahad hamidiah because when the ustaz asked him "where r u from?" n he answered "smka maahad hamidiah".

well, in Islam, theres no such thing as a coincidence...

when fakhry told the team, and asked for our opinion about going to musleh, especially when its very near to his spm, we were..excited to be honest. not only it was held in a hotel (biasalah kami ni budak kampung, sebut hotel je terus excited), and it was held under ICEE, which i cldnt remember wat it stands for. but as we were informed there were no non-muslims.

i secretly told myself, while telling to Fakhry: "this is our second chance...a chance to give our best from what we went thru in uia"

Alhamdulillah, it was really our second chance.

I remembered, we decided that Fakhry, Laila, Kimi, and I wld b going there, under our school SMKA MAAHAD HAMIDIAH. we went there, thursday evening. by fakhry's parents car. that was the very first time tat i met with Nadia. she sat beside me, while i played the games in my handphone. we stopped in front of a hotel called hotel vistana, which fakhry mispronounced it was VISANTA (macam nama indian girl), and we were told that the sri ayeshans wld b arriving soon. we wld b sharing rooms with them, and one room will b provided for 7 people. me n laila was like: takpelah asalkan tidur.

i smiled again.

meeting with the sri ayeshans, i mean really meeting them for the first time, made my head spin. they were very random, crazy, out of place, and all liked to talk. being the eldest i have to take care of the girls and make sure they sleep. i was even told to make sure they do their hafal quran everyday, which they didnt do pun because there was no time. but there, i met with great people. kamalia, fareeha, iman, nabihah... not to mention i get to noe laila even better. when we were stressed out because of debate, we wld listen to taylor swift songs.macam budak2.

even though sri ayesha won the competition during that year, but we gained more than that. we gained our second chance in everything. we gained our second chance in forming a stronger team. we gained our second chance in getting to noe our weaknesses. we gained our second chance in..entering a better debate competition.

if i wld want to write every scenes of musleh memories in this post im sure it too long to b read.

i smiled again, to my thoughts. and continued typing.

what have i missed the most about debating?

i missed being a third speaker, sitting beside a very talented and gifted second speaker of smka maahad hamidiah. i missed the adrenaline rush when the motions were given out and we all had to write them down. i missed running around finding the rooms with my debate teams. i missed having some fight along the quarantine time. i missed the glares my opponents wld give me as soon as the debate session starts. i missed reading the DOA, praying to Allah everytime we wld start a debate. i missed saying "mr.speaker" for so many times in my speech. i missed the times when me and laila would Sujud syukur to Allah after debate, whether we win or lose. i missed the times when i wld have to search for facts in ALMANAC. I missed....my Debate Family.

ohh Allah, please let me keep these memories..forever.
sekian.

Kau kawan, sahabat dan teman

salam. *kali ni saya yakin 90% post ni dlm bahasa melayu.

alhamdulillah seronoknya balikk rumahhh. lapang dada..tengok kucing, anak kucing, bapak kucing, mak kucing. alhamdulillah.
status: wanie cham is grateful ehh? irony is the operative word for some ppl who read this (ok mcm dh tak faham dah).

lapang dada yang teramat, Allah saja yang tahu. bukannya dq tak best, tp dq tengah aura exam yang membunuh jadi semua orang keje menenung quran tu je sampai tembus (entah ingat ke tak ingt tu, ----->sye sdg bercakap dgn diri saya)

one thing that changed me for gud in dq is tat when ppl ask "kenal tak justin beiber? or justin timberlake? or tengok tak movie baru dkt cinema? komik conan?" i wld have no idea or whatsoever on those matters. especially kalau top 40 with ryan seacrest tu, mmg serious dah lama tinggal dah keje2 lagha tu. berbalik pada tajuk post.. oleh kerana dkt dq tak dpt dah dengar top 40 ryan seacrest tu sbb kalau ada programme2 takkan dq nak pasang2 lagu2 barat yang pelik tu, so saya telah dibiasakan dgn lagu2 nasyeed yang riang gembira, yang sebenarnya boleh kira first time dengar nasyeed2 tersebut. but not tat im fond of nasyeed pulak now.im not obsessed, especially to those inteam's song pasal kahwin tu, nor adcoustic's song (Aku mencintaiMu), even though the song was about being in love with Our Creator. tapi bila ada nasyeed yang rasa mcm sedap je, mcm betul apa yang lyrics tu cakap pasal hidup kita...tu baru rasa macam "ehh, nasyeed ni not bad lah".

so recently, i've had a bit of a issue with my friends. well, living in hostel was fun at some point, but life isnt always a bed full of roses ehh? hehh. bila ada programme "the prestige", a dinner for sem 1 and sem 3 IQRaC, then the programmer pasang lagu ni, baru lah terasa...ya Allah siapa kawan, sahabat dan temanku ni? im not perfect, im disturbing, and im annoying. ade ke pulak orang nak jadi kawan, sahabat dan teman? some ppl say im not tat sentimental when it comes to friendship, and some say im TOO sentimental. whatever pun, saya pun tak tahu. sbb rasanya im still lost in finding who the real wani is now. tp best je kalau nak dengar santai2 lagu ni. perg cari dkt utube, UNIC-kau kawan, sahabat, dan teman.

semoga dapat enlightenment sikit drpd nasyeed ni of wat friendship realy means.

kau kawan, sahabat, dan teman

Ketika mula bertemu
Terasa bagai telah lama bersua
Kau sambut hulur tanganku
Bertegur sapa penuh mesra

Masa terus berlalu
Dan kita tetap seiringan berjalan
Menempuh onak liku
Lalui semua suka dan duka bersama

Biarlah apapun rahsia
Dan kelemahanmu tetap engkau temanku

Riangnya saat kita ketawa
Asyik senda dan bercerita
Walau sesekali pandangan kita berbeza
Andainya tetap serupa

Adakalanya kita juga saling terluka
Namun di akhirnya kita tetap bersama

Dan kini dipisahkan dua benua
Saling mengejar cita
Tak pernah kulupakan
Detik yang indah bersamamu temanku

Huuuu....aaaaa..... (errrkk,, geli je part ni...saya copy paste je ye. LOL)

(ulang dari mula)

Kuasti suatu masa
Engkau dan aku kan bertemu semula
Kembali menjalinkan detik nan indah
Untuk kenangan bersama

p/s: lagu riang2 macam ni, teringat...once upon a time. some special friend once sang for me lagu hijjaz "hidup ini tak selalunya indah.." when i was in my gloomy days. tat was a beauty.memoir.

sekian.

ini kisahku

salam. *post kali ni 89% dalam bahasa melayu (bahasa jiwa bangsa ehh wanie?)

what a day.

hari ni, again, saya baru terperasan yang saya dah berumur 18 tahun (please lah wani, perangai mcm dak kecik). and wat made me realize that thing once again? when today, ada satu incident di mana gerabak train ktm terbakar depan mata. lawak lah kisah dia.

at that time i was alone, and the only thing i cld do was to observe all these people around me. i saw this pakcik, grabbing the nearest fire hydrant and passing it to his friend to extinguish the fire in the train. i saw this chinese lady sitting next to me while i was reading the quran aloud, teaching her child to speak mandarin. i saw this one malay girl, who dressed out in a so improper way tat i doubted she was a malay, and a MUSLIM at first. i saw another makcik, grumbling with her friends at how long we all needed to wait for the train to be fixed. and me? wat was i thinking? i was thinking tat if only i didnt get out from tat train i'd be burned to death (and it wasnt a realy bad thing aftr all). and the best part, nobody was going to find out pun. my parents are away with my family. and the only one who wld b missing my presence was fuzzy, my dearest cat at home.

ok post ni bukan dalam bahasa melayu pun.

so after tat, bila train lain dah datang to give us a lift, again, alone i went into coach wanita tu and observe the scenery outside the window pulak. one thing tat caught my attention was, when there was this masjid, designed with architectural chinese traits, situated in a chinese neighbourhood. subhanallah! its true wat ppl say, when ur a MALAY MUSLIM, ur place is duduk diam2 dalam rumah dkt malaysia. but when ur MUSLIM, go anywhere in this world n ppl will greet u as ur their brothers and sisters.

the next tat made me realize once again, im 18 is tat... i get to take the train ALONE! lol. ya Allah. kalau ayat mak hanisah: kau tu dah lah fitnah, lepas tu jalan sorang2. tak baik tau anak dara. but then.. i dnt realy hv a muraqib do i? hehh.

so highlight for the day nak cerita train ktm terbakar je, tu je. nothing personal. but wanie cham likes it. *thumbs up. walaupun dlm hati rasanye nak meletup jantung sebab takut mati katak dkt situ.

sekian. wallahua'alm

I Am Disappointed.

Subhanallah.

I am lost. ya Allah.. wat in the world is this whole world doing?

writing this post, i so strongly hoped with all my hopes tat the person whom I could turn to the most right now would read this.. YA RASULULLAH.

dear beloved Prophet Sallahualaihiwasallam,

sadly ya rasulul amin, this person who is writing this is in an angry, despair, and disappointed state. she noes perfectly being angry is one of devils plan to destruct the human kind. but this lump in her heart cant seem to be held in any longer ya rasulullah. she wondered what in the world is wrong with her. or, wat in the world is wrong with the world.

ya rasulullah,
she is in utter despair because she thinks she is lost. she comes out of her comfort zone (dq), and found so many uncomfortable thing ya rasulullah. she noes being angry wouldnt help, but wat would help her instead, being lost in these concrete and heartless world. wat would help, if not with tears streaming down as she pours down her feelings bluntly expecting you would understand; which you do.

ya rasulullah,
wat would hve become of your ummah? wat would hv become of me? why r we like this ya rasulul amin? why havnt we follow obediently your sunnah and the quran, the things u treasured us with so that we are not lost? i beg you, my beloved prophet. please, please, spread the enlightment u once brought into this world once again now.

alas.......im afraid, if u would exist in this world once again and see us ya rasul, im very afraid, very much afraid, that u wouldnt even want to admit that we are your ummah... because of how destructive we are towards this world, because of how zalim and injustice we are towards ourselves, not putting the right thing to its right place.. ya rasul, would u still accept us and give us syafaat,,and let us drink in the well of kauthar when the Judgement Day come ya rasulullah?

ya Rasulullah,
subhanallah, betul lah kami umat akhir zaman ya mustapha. kami tidak pernah melihatmu, kami tidak pernah berbicara denganmu, tetapi kami ingin terus mentaatimu ya rasul. kami ingin bertemu denganmu di padang mahsyar, dalam keadaan tersenyum, dan engkau juga tersenyum pada kami.ya Allah, kurniakanlah kami nur dan cahaya hidayah sepanjang zaman.

amin ya rabbal alamin.

I am disappointed. i feel as if Im Alone. in this Fight. A fight i figured out the end sole of it, but never the way to reach it. i saw my family today, with no unity, no spirit, no direction. i saw my twin with my two eyes in front of me tody, alas not knowing who exactly this person is. and I saw myself today, losing control and not reflecting the person i SHOULD be, a MUSLIM.

ya Rasul........ i realy wanted to b with you as i close my eyes in my dreams.....

Macam mana nak kawal kemarahan

My name is wani. and I get angry easily. this post entitles "macam mana nak kawal kemarahan"...

I leave this post blank. bcuz.i.really.dont.noe.how.to.control.it.

sekian, ikhlas dari hati.










































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