Game Over.

Im sorry but u have been warned that this as a matter of fact will sound EMO.
i can still hear it even right now. Arifuddin with his serious profound voice;

"kak wani dah kalah"

yes wanie, game over. finally i could say that, though it seemed that the game is over LONG time ago. and i lost. everyone out there should be happy. for me, Nor Syazwani had finally raised the white flag.

not for long.

i was stricken by todays outgoings that yes, im not ashamed to say that i lost control of myself (u guess what happened). it was supposed to be the audition of F1. only that another unexpected event happened along the way. lets just keep it simple to say that i was too deeply hurt by the incident. i repeat; too deeply hurt. i didnt noe what went wrong. was i the one who caused it? is it because of me? what did i do? is it really painful just to see my existence in this world? (which leads me to think that i'll be able to leave this world in no time if He wants to, so dont worry. Allah noes best) i asked all sorts of questions that brainstormed my head in a blink of an eye that i couldnt cope up with it anymore....and finally, i QUIT.

i can still hear it again and again "kak wani dah kalah"

but still, Tolin said; kak wani quit 2 bulan, lepas tu tahun depan masuk balik.

ingat ni buat lawak ke??? (shakes head for Tolin, or rather suruh Arif ketuk die dengan botol)

i lost once. i.wont.lose.again. i just have to try my best to work things out with what i have right now, not with what i used to have or what i will have/. even though Jijul may leave next year, Arif too... or even raihan and the F3s. i dont noe what will happen next year, but i WILL make it happen with or without anybody.

i cant stop myself from thinking about those who will leave me (my strengths in debate). i thanked them today, Jijul Arif Kimi ArifF1 Tolin Raihan Laila Ulfah Madihah and Aisyah for giving me the strengths to fight against part of myself thats losing all of it. They made me smile, even if they only speak for Two minutes or 4 minutes in their speech... but i can see their determination. Thank you.

but just another part tells me that im not gonna be the same again. heartless, cold blooded, call whatever you want. Im sorry, but this time will do. ive had enough. part of me died the day you killed me (figure that out urself).

"Allah tidak akan menguji manusia lebih daripada apa yang mampu ditanggungnya. Dia lebih menyayangi hamba ciptaanNya ini lebih daripada kita menyayangi diri kita sendiri."

Game Over.