We can't Have Everything = Rizq

Salam.

I thought of writing this down as i was eating mee maggi in the kitchen. ha ha.

this post is specially dedicated to dear juniors who r about to sit for their SPM. its kinda like a post-SPM post, because wat I'm about to tell u is related to things that you will want to do after SPM.
i understand clearly the feeling of wanting to let go of everything and just have fun after SPM. u have been tormenting yourself for the SPM preps since u were 16 right? and i get it, SPM is a total nightmare.
so wat i did last year, was to think of as many plans that i can, to be done during the holidays. i wrote so many things that i found myself tired of the anticipation feeling i grew for that certain plans. i once planned to

1) ran away from malaysia for the whole holiday and spent time in aussie with my sister and her family
2) memorize the quran and go to some private tahfiz school,i even googled tahfiz school in aussie -DQ is a no, no
3) learn driving and get international driving license in aussie? -this is of course, absurd
4) debate as much as i want! have fun speaking up and babbling stuffs - its kinda gud, knowing that ur actually babbling stuff but people do listen to u.
5) erm, watch as many korena/japanese/taiwanese dramas i can
6) sleep and eat like crazy
7) talking to friends for as long as u can (other people pulak, mereka nak couple sebanyak mana yang mereka nak. this happens u noe, u'll find ur friend's status dkt fb nnt,sehari lepas spm terus tulis "in a relationship" or "engaged" to...........)
8) hang out with friends and do lots of shopping and wasting time!
9) go to MHI camp or any camps available
10) i even had this dream of wanting to debate with my twin and be able to break into lots of competition. and show them maahad power.


out of those ten in the list, in the end, i could only do one for the entire holiday- no 2). though it wasn't some private tahfiz school in aussie, i was grateful to get into DQ. well, i was finally grateful to be able to get into DQ this recently, so sorry for all the rantings sepanjang saya berada d DQ. ='(

and i made this one conclusion, yes we can plan all we want, we can dream about it all day long, but in the end..we can't have everything eyy. it depends on our Rizq (rezeki) from Allah and how He plans our life. although i do find myself wanting to reach for other plans as well-such as debate and perhaps watching those korean dramas, it didn't seem to work. i ended up making my head more serabut with such thoughts (always thinking what IF things turned out that way supposedly,what IF things turned out this way..). my head became SO SERABUT that it made me such an ungrateful person, not appreciating what i have in my hands now.

so to begin with, if you are starting to have all those bizarre plans in mind, BE REALISTIC. only plan realistically so that u won't crush ur dreams of doing everything in the list afterwards. then, BE COOL. like i said, u can't have everything..seriously. even if u are able to do more than wat i did inside my list, but still, trust me u won't be able to do everything. next, START FOCUS BROTHER S AND SISTERS. yeah i noe korang nnt excited sangat dapat terlepas daripada belenggu SPM. but..that doesn't give u the ticket to be FREE AND DO WHATEVER YOU WANT TO DO. its best to make the best out of the holidays by doing something u really want to do and u feel it is something really worth it. things like "lepas spm je aku nak cari awek!" or, "lepas spm je ak nak tengok cite korea 3 hari 3 malam x tido" or..."lepas spm je ak nak online dekat fb and berkenalan dengan sume contacts ak!!"..isnt really worth it eyy? wat i think i ought to do, was to think that the post-spm holidays is my ticket to MATURNESS. i could finally do something BIG and contribute something to the society. i could have fun too, but still not be too selfish and do everything out of pure entertainment. i could contribute to ISLAM, MY FAMILY, MY FRIENDS, AND MAYBE THE SOCIETY!

as to my case, yes i have to admit i was jealous when i see my debate family debating and becoming greater than ever. i was jealous that i couldn't join their training, i was jealous that i couldn't even get my driving license and had to sit quietly in DQ where i could only zoom around dekat bandar Kuala Kubu Bharu tu. i was jealous that i couldn't go to Paris with my family. i was jealous that why was i the only one in the family who needs to memorize the Quran as if all the responsibility to bring goodness to my family was on me. i was jealous to everything else i couldn't have, almost forgetting the real things i have.

at last, those were only My Feelings, making myself believe that I'm not at par with everybody else. thats what u get when u couldn't really fulfill your list of plans. thats what you get when...u can't have everything that u want.

Be grateful my dearest junior, and Plan Smartly.

*special dedication to my dearest Junior, Arifuddin. He made it to interview DQ today. alhamdulillah... ill be praying all along dik... =)