A kid and her immaturity

After having slight problems dealing with microbe (thats a medical subject btw), i decided to have a break by zooming around into my hard disk, selecting anything that would interest the mind.

came across King 2 Heart, the all-loved korean drama which was a breathtaking drama. haha. i cant believe im doing this again, wathing while putting a smile helplessly whenever the scenes humor my thoughts. afterwards, i watched the writing recap and the reviews made for that episode and thought, sigh..how long havent i been doing this kind of thing.

i remember back then when i was in early secondary education, i used to put up with myself being like this almost every night. without finding anything amusing to do, watching Kdrama and reading every reviews made were the daily routines.

I was a kid, amused by her own immaturity at that time.

and now, down the memory lane....again.

earlier today someone whom i respected did say i was known for my mature looks and perhaps, thinking. ill bear that in mind the next time my mind land on the memory lane again, being a kid and not knowing what should be prioritized in life. 

but then i thought, well thats what differs us from a kid. we are in fact, an adult, realizing each and every step that we take in life. knowing by right each moment we spent, wasted on things that shouldnt be taken into matter. 

indeed, i need a break from my life right now. rearranging everything now and then. sometimes i admit, theres the fall, theres the break, and yet theres also the sweetness, and the tears of joy out of strength, as i pull back myself out of the empty hole dragging me down. 

Alas, this is not a way, to get back up. this isnt the way, to waste the moments n time He has given me to be spent in this world. He hasnt created me to watch and tag along with other people's drama. i just hoped...someday, this kid will stop dreaming of other people's dream (inside the Kdrama) and start living and chasing her own dream. this time, a more Real dream. 

Allah. Love. Faith

p/s: anyhow, King 2 Heart was really a good drama. 

being lonely is an illness.

Dr Jaremka, a psychologist said: "Being lonely means not feeling connected or cared for, it's not about being physically alone.

"We need to find ways to help lonely people. Unfortunately we can't tell anyone to go out and find someone to love you. We need to create support networks."

.....

As if loneliness can be the silent killer like cancer..

Money Talk $$$

So many posts have I put them in drafts form, some were stories about how difficult life is, some were stories about how I flunked Mara standards and had to flew here to Jordan self-funded. Some others were about how frustrated I get with myself.

It wasn’t until yesterday that I decided, this post should be my own personal comeback post.

It was well, as stated above, about money talk.

Yesterday, i went shopping in Amman. Ohh for those who do not know, Amman is the capital of Jordan and I am currently studying in Irbid. Irbid is one hour-away from Amman. I always consider Amman as the modernized city while Irbid, well lets just say it’s a bit of kampong-like (if I have time I’ll tell you more about the place that I’m studying).

For me, shopping was always my getaway time. I told myself I needed to get out of Irbid for a while, seep in some fresh air. Maybe the stress out of upcoming exams. What’s odd is, well this time it happened that the items I bought weren’t for myself. It was rather gifts for my friends’ birthday.

I learnt two things just from going shopping yesterday, even though I did lose a bit of money. Ohh well, so much of an irony there. Lol.

1) anybody who knew me would be surprised with this turn out. I wasn’t usually the type to thoroughly think and be considerate about people around me, except for family. But then, it took me two hours to screen every inch of city mall to find what I wanted to give for my friends. I have to admit, that’s a bit of an improvement wani. *clap clap tangan sendiri. Finally digesting a bit what “think others before yourself meant” n I tell you, it needs training!

2) Ok here goes no 2, n yes this is the highlight part. After spending what seems to be my dad’s money (of course its not mine im not sponsored), I recalled one once-upon-a-time scene in Malaysia. This one day, my sister and I went to klcc to get some things in Sephora. So before going back, our mom ordered us to buy her some milk at cold storage. And heres what happened;

Inside cold storage, upon the entrance, usually there’s this row of breads, and pizzas and some juices over the counter right. There was this one family, a father and mother, and a little daughter. I heard them arguing as it was pretty loud. The daughter was very thirsty and she wanted to have some juice (dlm bahasa melayu “sedang merengek”). Based on their looks I guess it was their first time going to klcc (maybe bcuz at that time there was an expedition going on). They took quite some time to spot the place to buy the juice, and when they finally found it, the couple wondered how do they pay the juice and all. I overheard things more or less similar like “lets get our daughter one only, and non for us. jimat” although they too looked like they needed some drink (it was a hot day). And a brief moment later, they went to the paying counter and went out of cold storage.

It left me speechless for a moment. I didn’t know how to react. In my hands were the milks my mom ordered and a 50 ringgit note, ready to pay the things I wanted to buy there. I clearly didn’t have any problems if I wanted to add a few snickers bars as snacks for my journey back home in the car later. Nor do I have any problems paying few hundred bucks for our so-called “necessities” in Sephora back then. And Yet, the very moment I spent money care freely, other people couldn’t even get themselves drinks when they were thirsty, and can only afford to give their daughter that one glass of juice..

Money….of course it cant buy you happiness as the quote says, but Everyone needs money in this world. Its our tool of survival.

This very incident taught me that we need to reflect ourselves often. Appreciate what we have, and think of what others couldn’t have. Stay with the spirit of Qana3ah (sikap berpada-pada), and not be stingy or spendthrift. And most importantly, be Thankful. Even when you have enough money at the moment, or not, always be Thankful.

I recalled this ayat in my head, and in hopes that I could keep it dearly in my heart..

“And know that your possessions and your children are A TEST,and that with Allah is immense reward.." (al-anfal, 28)

-Maka lihatlah mereka yang berada di bawah kamu jika perkara tersebut adalah perkara duniawi, dan lihatlah mereka yang berada di atas kamu, jika perkara tersebut adalah perkara ukhrawi.."

KEMBALI.

Assalam. its been a while....... where should I start then?

this post isn't about other people, its about YOU

bismillahirrahmanirrahim..

i don't really noe how to make a title out of this post. because theres so many things going around inside my head that i dont noe which one to tell first~ this post isn't random, I've been meaning to update and improve my writing skills since forever, but i guess i just didn't have the right click inside my head or the push telling me to do so~

today alhamdulillah i learnt a lesson. a lesson that brought up some huge meaning for me.. i was told and asked by my twin, "have u ever think that ur destined to do more than this" and my answer was simple "of course, everyone thinks about that"

but then he said

"so then what do u do??"

i kept silent. that qs lingered in my head up till now.

with so many things thats happening around me, i feel like a total loss. towards myself. towards my friends. towards my surrounding. i feel like there were certain things that i let them go by flow so easily without trying to even do something about them. and with that, how in the world can i start thinking about "being destined to do more than this" when i don't even care to treat the smaller problems arising within me, within my surrounding?

two main things i would like to say in this post. hopefully by saying this i won't hurt the feelings of any party, although i intended to make my points clear here, insyaAllah. I'm a nobody, I'm a mere human being, I'm not some ulama' in fiqh, syariah, usuluddin, but I'm here to make my points clear as the servant of Allah. i do make mistakes, in fact i make mistakes everyday. and i tried as much to learn from them, knowing its HIM and only HIM that has the right to judge me, regardless of people saying anything about me.
the two things are
1) friendship/ukhuwah/hablum minan nas (hubungan dengan manusia)
2) ikhtilat

we'll go one by one, starting from "friendship"
~ ill bring about a hadeeth here: Riwayat bukhari : " tidak halal bagi seorang muslim tidak bertegur sapa (kerana gaduh) lebih dari tiga hari..yang lebih baik antara keduanya adalah yang memulakan salam" ( al-Bukhari) ... sorry its not in english, as i didn't find out thats in english. *but u should totally read this hadeeth at least three times in order to at least get a grasp of what its trying to point out generally.

my dearest lovable friends,
let us ask ourselves again, why in the world Allah created us in groups of people being called homo sapiens in the first place? its when we have a community, a group of people being together, we are actually in need of each other. theres a continuous DIRE NEED to be having some company with us anywhere and everywhere we go~ its just that sometimes we stop thinking right there.. we didn't really think why is it so important to be having company with us, and why is it so important to be keeping that company close to us...

first kita kena tahu apa niat kita untk bersahabat, untuk berukhuwah. its LILLAHI TA'ALA kan? we keep on saying uhibbuki fillah, saya sayang awak kerana Allah, tp adakah itu hanya mainan di bibir? saya rasa lebih bermakna kalau kita tak ucap perkataan tu but instead benda tu boleh nampak just dengan perlakuan kita.. even i myself, as i speak now, i dare not to say that i love my friends truly because of HIM, bcuz its only HIM who knows whats really inside our heart kan? of course its totally not wrong to be saying it, but its even better if we prove it with our actions.
that goes to my second point here, *apa gaya debate ni?? =__=' so what are the actions that can prove that we are friends with someone lillahi? islam has already given us the guidelines (rukun) towards berukhuwah. #1 salamatus sadri (bersangka baik) #2 tawazun (kesama rataan) #3 ithar (sanggup berkorban)... tapi kenapa ramai yang tak mahu ikut?

subhanallah, cantiknya islam bila islam itu dikira sebagai "the way of life"..~ come one, all of us are destined to do something more than just hurting ur friend's feelings whenever u feel mad or sad, or when u have problems. all of us are destined to do something more than just making ur friends terasa by writing nasty stuff about them in Facebook or blog, just because u feel like ur anger towards that person is worth publicizing it...! all of us are so destined to do something more than just repaying back to ur friends who hurt u in the same manner as what they did to u just because u feel that u have the right to do so! its our destiny, to be doing something more than that, because we are MUSLIMS.

orang mu'min itu bersaudara kan....
cherish our friends, love our friends, treat them the way the we want others to treat us, talk with gud manner with them, be there for them, be there with them! if we do something bad accidentally to them, ask for forgiveness... and don't be shy about it. n always be forgiving too~ barulah kita nak kata "mari same2 kita bergandingan ke syurga!"

"FORGET WHAT HURT YOU BUT NEVER FORGET WHAT IT TAUGHT YOU"

pernah terfikir tak, kenapa ada disebut hadeeth sebegitu di atas, kenapa Rasulullah sampai kata "tidak halal bg seorang muslim" utk tak bertegur sapa with ur friends. can u see how important it is to be treating ur friends the right way, to be looking after them and not hurting them?? sedangkan dalam perkahwinan, a very mutual n pure relationship between a man and a woman pun, boleh terjadinya perpisahan (cerai) even though Allah said itu adalah perkara Halal yg paling dibenci Allah. but Allah allows that to happen. instead, when it comes to ukhuwah, His messenger said "tidal halal" at all to be cutting off ties between friends..

i remembered this one event held in DQ, we had a program called "ukhuwah day" where all of the activities are based on friendship. the theme for the program was "ukhuwah is directly proportional to Eeman", and at the end of the day, i began wondering.. its really true~ u might ask this qs, if its directly proportional, then if ukhuwah kita lemah, maksudnye iman kte lemah ke? that answer can only be answered by YOU. lets see, bila kita sakitkan hati kawan2 kite? bile kite x stabil, bila kite diganggu emosi, bila kite rasa serabut.. what does this indicate??

i hope by writing this down I'm nor hurting any of my beloved friends. but again, i feel a need to say about this. bcuz i feel like theres something wrong going on around me.

oh Allah, jadikanlah kami dalam kalangan orang2 yang beriman..

part two about iktilat coming up insyaAllah~
this post isn't about other people. its about YOU.
THE END.

Turning Point.

dear friend,
Everyday is a turning point for me.....
and that goes to u too~

we see at how people define the word "turning point" so carelessly,
its when people say that when something peculiar happened to you, its a turning point.
and what's funnier, some people even define the word only when "someone" significant is/was present in your life.

turning point, apa ada pada dua kata itu?

in life, we don't follow the flow in the hopes to find something to prove to us that our lives r worth the while,
we SEIZE the moment, and CREATE the memories~
Rejoice with what we have now, never looking back and just walk straight along the road.

To be thinking what makes u deserve the life u have right at this moment, is something anyone shouldn't be thinking about, because its HIS PLAN!.
instead, bear in mind my love,
THIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING.
A beginning, to Your Everyday turning point.......
the Tests doesn't stop Here, my friend.
we have a long way to go.

the phrase "letting go", for me isn't a turning point.
its a form of repentance,
towards the mistakes that we made,
towards the mistakes that I made.
(but not all "letting go" is bad lah, cuma dlm context ni u get what i mean?) hahaha

i really wished to say about this longer, but I'm afraid ill babble out too much and go out of the topic.
i realized a lot of things yesterday,
which made me think a lot...
among us friends, we tend to have the thing called "trends", where everyone has their own fare share of stories to be told.
and when u don't really have one that is according to the "trends", u tend to think u lack of something

awak, tak perlukan trend! awak evergreeen! natural beauty! *ayat lawak.

ill end this post with my favorite quotes from a twin;
"Do not think of what Has Happened or what Will Happen, but what you can think of is How you make it Happen..."

scintillate*zenith~

Carta Hati~

seriously, sye x pandai masuk mood jiwang.
but i have to express this no.matter.what.

guys... uhibbukunna~

its a story depicted through the song "carta hati", lagu yg sume org pelik kenapa saya duk ulang banyak kali =='
XDXD

*pada hari bersejarah.

"engkau duduk di situ...
diam tersipu malu...
mahu mendekati aku (melalui sms)..."

"aku mulai resah,
hatiku jadi kebah...
melihat dirimu aku rebah (x dpt nak tahan from telling the truth)..."

"tapi hati ini, kuat menyatakan...
kau terkini duduk di carta hati.....(how hard i tried to avoid still wani rindu korangggg :'( ...)"

"tp perang kini bermula,
dr mata turun ke jiwa,
dr teman menjadi sepi...
tak ada lagi ketawa di hati...."

"sehidup semati kita....
menjanjikan bahagia (manisnya ukhuwah bersama korang),
utk kita semua selama-lamanya...(insyaAllah)"

ohhhhhh..*ni memang lagu die mcm ni...

"jangan engkau jangan pergi,
jangan tinggalku sendiri..
jangan, tinggalkan carta hati....."

"kau janjikan senyuman,
ku janji kau tak terluka...
teruslah berada di carta....hati kita"

"lalu cinta kita bermula (mula semula balik nak..?)
dr mata turun ke jiwa..
dr kawan menjadi teman,
dan berjanji utk setia (be there for each other).."

"sehidup semati kita, (ukhuwah fillah abadan ilal jannah)
menjanjikan bahagia...
utk kita semua, selama-lamanya......................"

~the end.

sorry guys, this week had been really tough for me. I'm sorry. I've always wanted to say this. i wasn't myself, expecting more from people without even giving back. and eventually hurt myself. this friendship, still has a long way to go. sometimes we'll face bumpy roads, sometimes we'll have a straight highway. but in the end, I'm dead sure the journey will be worthwhile. in the end, i WANT this to be worthwhile, and hopefully while we struggle through the journey He will be there to guide us along and bestow upon us HIS BLESSINGS.

ukhuwah itu....manis bila ada kamu.
walaupun masam dan kelat seperti buah mangga manis yang kadangnya kelat sebab belum masak lagi,
tp masih manisnya terasa.
i aint a sweet talker.
takd glucose pun.
but i'd rather tell the truth, rather than be blinded by the lies.

wani rindu korang.........





*nnt wani dtg buat kacau dkt rumah korang XDXDXD